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Paranormal Proclivity
Of the vast array of movie genres, horror flicks rank the lowest on my list. If watching teenagers getting hacked to bloody shreds by a chainsaw-wielding psycho from Texas (we have a lot of them here, you know) is your thing, that's cool. But please don't invite me over for BBQ and an all-night TV gore-fest marathon. It's nothing personal, it's just preference.Listen, I get it. It's not real. That's not blood, it's katsup, and that's not some guy's intestines; it's spaghetti. Whatever. My problem is that after seeing someone hacked up in a life-sized blender, I can't get it out of my brain. The image keeps looping in my mind over and over like a needle skipping on a record that never stops playing.
When I young, maybe six or seven, I remember a TV commercial for a horror movie that showed a girl around my age being pulled through a wall by tangle of flailing, bloody arms. Another I recall was of a woman cautiously investigating a noise inside a closet, and as she--BAM! Something yanks her in and you hear a deathly scream. Thirty-second clips, that thirty years later still have me eying sheetrock with suspicion.
In my later life, I recognized the facade behind terror, and even managed to watch a few of the classics. Scream made me laugh, especially when Drew Barrymore answered the phone. And that Freddy dude with the bad skin? I really couldn't blame that guy for slicing up those kids, given that hideous, woolly sweater he had to wear. After a while, that sort of chafing can make anyone want to don a leather, glove with Kinzua knife affixed to the fingers and start swinging away.
Of course, during that era, most horror film seemed to have a ridiculous quality about them as illustrated by the one I came across about a killer snow man*. The back of the VHS box showed a picture of a classic snow man complete with a top-hat, scarf and corn-cob pipe trying to kill a naked woman in her shower. (I'm guessing the water heater was on the other side of the house and in the time it took for the water to get hot, Frosty used his carrot nose on her as a shiv.) I can't remember if I take my medication from one morning to the next, but a homicidal snowman reminds me never to drop my drawers until steam's billowing up from behind the shower curtain.
In recent years, torture porn became all the rage. Yeah. I don't think so. Running a power drill through someone's eyeball, and spooning out their heart with a melon baler while they are forced to watch--are you kidding me? I've just confessed to the impact a snowman has made on my daily routine, can you imagine how I would act after watching one of these films and then walking into a Home Depot or Crate & Barrel? I read an article where audiences were actually throwing up in the theaters during these films, and, get this, the directors took it as a compliment. I should mail them an envelope brimming with my yak and sign it, "From your biggest fan."
Thus far, I've only mentioned what a mere image can do to me. That's bad enough, but if you really want to carve an indelible mark into my brain, add somewhere on the film's poster or in its theatrical trailer the phrase, "based on a true story." I had vowed to never watch anything with that claim attached to it, but when an old girlfriend asked me to watch The Amnityville Horror with her, I agreed. (With Adam and Eve it was an apple; with me it's horror movies). I may have cracked jokes and poked fun through the entire ninety minutes of spooky mayhem, but the overriding thought that kept repeating itself was, "This crap really happened. This crap really happened. This crap really happened." If evil ghouls can turn Ryan Reynolds (who's plays a stepfather no less) into an evil madman, that's plenty freaky to me.
To those in marketing, touting horror films as being based on actual events might make for good hype, but to me, it strips away that lone bit of ammunition I need for combating my hyperactive imagination. In such cases I can no longer tell myself, "Hey Big Guy, that crap's just CGI and raspberry Kool Aid." No, instead it's something closer to, "Holy Polyester! That sh#t's real ...and they're coming for you next!" Then I can't sleep for days, which all seems plain stupid on my part, and it probably is except for the fact that I actually do believe in ghosts. Now, I realize everyone has their own opinions on the topic, and I respect that, but we can save debates for later. Yes, I believe they exist which can terrify the Honey Nut Cheerios out of me, but not as much as one other entity--demons.
Again, not wanting a debate here, and feel free to call me crazy. But, unlike ghosts, which I've had no contact with, I have met several perfectly sane people who themselves have experienced demonic happenings. None of them were possessed, but one had been involved in an exorcism; the rest had gotten caught up in calling out to demons thinking it would be cool. (They don't now.) I'll skip the details, but their stories were compelling enough to forge my certainty that demons exist.
So, that all said, imagine my reaction the other night when Ashley held up a red and white Netflix envelope as she announced with unrestrained glee that we had something good to watch that evening.
"Yeah," I answered, catching her excitement. "What is it?"
"Paranormal Activity," she replied in a voice that sounded ominously like Vincent Price's.
For the next hour and twenty-six minutes I downed enough Absolute and soda to kill a 300-pound Ukrainian mob boss, hoping it would help me to forget the evil dealings of a demon plaguing a typical suburban couple. I had heard the movie was scary-really scary, but a Costco-load of Depends Undergarments couldn't sop up the results of what certain scenes caused me to do--proverbially speaking of course. Somehow, though, I managed to survive through to the ending... and the alternate endings... and the bonus footage. Even so, I knew the worst night of sleep was soon to be upon me. (Turn down your speakers and shush off the kids if you're brave enough to click on the link. I won't even link to the alternates, they are so gruesome.)
Theatrical Trailer
As I predicted, every half hour, my eyes popped open to search the room for blurry dark masses hovering in the air and cloven footprints in the carpet. At one point, the hair on the back of neck stood up when I felt a strange force pressing against my leg, but it only turned out to be Ash kicking me to the edge of the bed again. And then there was the nightmare.
I dreamed I was in this large house. There was no furniture, and everything--the walls, the doors, the carpet--was a colored in various shades of pink. Running from room to room, I could tell something--something unseen--was chasing me, and no matter how much I tried to get outside, no escape exit existed. Finally, I ended up cornered in a large walk-in closet where, on the floor lay a pair of pink high-heeled shoes trimmed with equally pink feathers. Seeing them filled me with an intense and unexplainable dread. Then I snapped awake.
When I told Ash about it the next morning, she agreed my dream was weird. "I wonder what the deal was with the shoes?" she asked aloud.
At that moment, the TV caught both of our attentions. Allie and Avery had been watching High School Musical 3 and there, on the screen was a brief shot with one of the characters wearing shoes very similar to those in my nightmare.
Want to know which type of movie ranks just above horror films in terms of creeping me out?
* They actually made a sequel for the snowman movie in 2000 titled, Jack Frost: Revenge of the Mutant Snowmen.
PS. My aversion to the paranormal is ironic given that I've just started working on a young-adult novel in which ghosts make up a major portion of the plot.
PPS. This was supposed to be a 500-word post, but as you can see, it become a monster of it's own. Sorry.
Re: New addition coming soon!
Congrats Chris. I know you probably don't like that rule they have in place, but it's there for a reason. Having said that, I would probably be upset too. But I hope that all goes well. Good luck!
Don't forget to show us pics when the baby gets here!
New addition coming soon!
Well yesterday evening my wife was admitted by the doctor to get setup to be induced. She is in there as I type. For some may ask, why am I not there? Simply because they have new rules and regulation where any kids at the age of 14 and under is not allowed in the Labor room, this goes for siblings as well...
Re: Chase's Saturday host time.
Re: Men Are Just Happier
Quote from: Scott H. on Yesterday at 04:29:32 PMEATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocke...
Andrew and his birthday cake
Today is Andrew’s birthday so this morning we all went to his preschool for a little celebration during his school day. He was very shy but did a great good anyways. We brought some yummy cupcakes and we even got to take some home at the end of the day. After we picked up Andrew we asked him where he wanted to go for lunch. He told us he wanted to go to the train place for lunch (Ruby’s) and so we went. Andrew had a nice lunch and then we went home. At home Andrew had presents to open so he ripped in to them right away. He got lots of cool stuff to play with. Thanks everyone. Later Andrew got to watch the cartoons that he likes. It started getting late so we got Andrew ready for bed and read some books to him. Andrew had a very good day and he is now four years old. Good night little birthday boy.Pop Goes The Weasel
She was literally begging for it while wearing her swimsuit around the house all day, so last week, K2 and I started swimming lessons. We go to the brand new city pool near us in DC, which--hey-ho!--is utterly fantastic. And free. And the lessons are practically free.
Which is too bad, because though we've only had two lessons so far, it's pretty obvious that they're completely unorganized, unplanned, and nearly useless.
Unless you count destroying my kid's faith that her dad will protect her and rapidly instilling fear at the cellular level of the song, "Pop Goes The Weasel."
Nearly the first thing out of the teacher's mouth the first lesson was, "We're going to get the children used to putting their faces in the water. So when we get to 'Pop!' just dunk them."
Uh-huh. Seeing as how getting a barely 2-yo kid comfortable with a wet face was the end goal of the kid's first swimming class [at the YMCA], it was pretty obvious that this woman has no idea what to do. [When she had 2-yos taking turns shooting basketball, all doubt fled.]
Anyway, this week in the second lesson, no sooner did the teacher mention "Pop Goes The Weasel," than K2 starts yelling, "No! No way!" I start to bounce, and she completely freaks out and demands to watch the rest of the lesson from the edge of the pool. Which she does. For these hapless kids--or at least for K2--"Pop Goes The Weasel" is their "Jaws Theme." And at the moment, she does not think it's safe to go back in the water.
gregA Milestone
I weighed in this morning at 199 pounds. Woo hoo!!!
I broke out in a big grin when I saw that first digit "1" on the scale. I'm under 200. That's big. I don't really know the last time I've been under 200.
I've lost, officially, 11 pounds since I purchased a scale. Unofficially, I've probably lost at least 20 pounds since I started this whole endeavor.
My pants are much looser. My shirts don't have that obnoxious bulge at the waistline anymore. It's definitely noticeable - my wife's commented on it a couple of times.
My secrets so far are pretty simple. I log every single bit of food I stick in my mouth. I work out on the elliptical at least 30 minutes, at least four times a week. Every morning I remember, I do 10 pushups and 20 situps. (I did 15 pushups this morning. It doesn't seem like much, but it's a big step.) I've also started doing some very mild weight lifting with our puny little 5 lb. barbells.
The other big support is my beloved wife. Mrs. B is also cutting back and she's lost ten pounds so far. It's so much easier with us both doing it - we can compare notes on foods and check in on each other when we haven't been exercising. Our conversations have gotten rather odd in restaurants, though. We both tend to whip our iPod touches (she has one, too) and start comparing calories in all of the dinner entrees, trying to find the one that's the leanest and most appetizing.
I made my spaghetti sauce the other day with turkey sausage. We bought small baguettes and roasted garlic instead of buying the premade buttery garlic bread. We've been eating more meatless meals, more lean meals. It helps a lot, being able to share the burden and the successes.
My original goal was to lose 30 pounds. That's going to happen in the next couple of months.
When that happens, I'll see how I feel and how much farther I want to go. But for right now, I'm celebrating.
Mi Vida Loca
Nuts you might say.
So I hang on and try to stay sane.
I'm told I do my best writing when it is of the deeply personal kind but right now I'm just not up for the task.
My world was never green pastures and purple ponies by no means.
But I do know one thing, I need to write.
About something.
Anything.
Some Robot Has Found My Site
and most in languages I cannot read.
Dudescape to Dadscape
I caught this article linked by the fine people of BicoastalBitchin.
Alls I gotta say is that the writer hit the nail right flat on the head. This was my favorite sentence:
When baby makes three, the abrupt lifestyle change spells an end to these spontaneous expeditions.
Age three is the magic number, and it's a dad thing, almost exclusively. Wives and women are cool checking with the singles, adjusting to the schedule, embarking on the same activities. But for guys, the party begins to end when the baby first comes, as you get used to changing diapers, feeding the baby, putting the baby to sleep, etc. The party completely ends at 3. You're no longer the same person. Dude, meet yourself.
Sure, I still go out for fight night when Lyoto, BJ, or Anderson is fighting. Sure, I'm still down for chugging a beer at happy hour. But the nature of the outings is different. You're now a dad, and that comes before everything else. You have very little time for anything else.
The author says at the end of the article that he's beginning to have more time now that the kids are playing among themselves. He no longer gets the "dagger eyes" when he leaves the house. I'm looking forward to that time. I've been a different person for about four years now, and my littlest one is just 14 months, which means that I probably have another 22 months to go. Maybe I can once again re-enter the world of men.
(Also posted at bigwowo.)
The only living house dad in Eau Claire.
Nice at-home dad tune by Garrison Keillor. He shared it on his epic radio show a few days ago. enjoy..
I'm the only living house dad in Eau Claire
Men who care for children — we are rare
It may be common in San Francisco or San Luis Obispo
But not there — in Eau Claire. more..
Thoughts On One-Hit Wonders
I discovered when you send a tweet that states Radiohead is a one-hit wonder, people will quickly disagree with you.
Time to drop some knowledge so we can put this behind us:
First of all, I am only going by the US charts. I live in the US. I hardly keep up with the US charts, let alone those of other countries. But according to the charts, Radiohead is a one-hit wonder in the United States.
If you go this Wikipedia page, you'll see two charts for the US. One is the Modern Rocks Tracks chart, which is a list of the Top 40 alternative songs played on radio stations each week. It is based solely on airplay, not sales. This chart was not used.
The chart used was the one labeled US, or the Billboard Hot 100 chart. This chart lists the top 100 songs in the United States each week based on airplay and sales. This is the only chart that matters.
If you look down that column, you'll see that Radiohead only had two Top 40 hits in the United States, Creep and Nude. Nude should not count as a Top 40 single. Why? Glad you asked.
When Radiohead released Nude as a single, they also held a remix contest. Radiohead made stems of the song available for download. You could download the bass part, the vocals, the guitar part, and so on. There were five separate downloads available that could be mixed together to form the song. However, these stems were counted towards sales for Radiohead's Nude. Does the drum track of Nude count as Nude? The sales figures for Nude were hugely inflated due to the remix contest. Therefore, Nude should not count as a Top 40 hit in the United States for Radiohead.
Therefore, Radiohead only had one Top 40 hit in the United States. Creep.
I know Radiohead have won tons of awards, sold tons of albums, are big in other countries, and are the darlings of music critics.
But they're a one-hit wonder in the United States.
Who Killed Cock Robin? Who Put It In My First Nursery Book?
The first thing to know is that My First Nursery Book, with illustrations by the Polish/British avant-garde artist and publisher Franciszka Themerson, has just been reissued in its original 1947 form, and you and I and everyone should buy it at Amazon right now. OK.
And then you should read the lone review on Amazon and marvel at the utter, wrong, impossibility of giving this book three stars. It gets five or one, but not three. But I'm willing to entertain the argument, if only for entertainment's sake.
Though the book features Themerson's beautiful illustrations throughout and contains three classic nursery stories that apparently don't raise eyebrows, the book leads off with "Who Killed Cock Robin?"
And I guess this rhyme's venerable history is not enough to persuade our reviewer that of course a sing-songy poem about shooting a bird and catching its blood in a dish should be the first entry in a First Nursery Book.
But take a look at the viciousness of the Three Little Pigs. Or the life-or-death drama of The Gingerbread Man. And excuse me, but Goldilocks is a freakin' criminal who should be hauled into Bear Court. And besides, after what the Themersons put up with fleeing and fighting across Poland and France during the war, plus all the incredible indie publishing they did in London after, I think their editorial choices deserve to be considered in context. Five stars.
My First Nursery Book by Franciszka Themerson [amazon via curious pages]
Gaberbocchus Press exhibition at the V&A [vam.ac.uk]
I had a feeling I'd already posted about Bertrand Russell's Good Citizen's Alphabet, which Themerson illustrated and published.
gregHoly Tantrums Batman!
Yes, you can say that I am now dealing with temper tantrums. I wasn't aware that this kicked in until 2 years of age. This morning my son was standing up on a rocking chair in our apartment and hanging over the side - an accident waiting to happen! I gently removed him from what he was doing. This resulted in an immediate meltdown coupled with two smacks to my head! My wife pulled our son away from a danger spot yesterday and received a hair pulling with so much angst she said it hurt. Do we babyproof our apartment so much so that every inch is perfectly safe or do we try and instill some education to our son on what is safe and what is dangerous?
Overall, our son's recent meltdowns and lack of sharing has become embarrassing. Just last week, we were playing together in an indoor playspace at a local children's venue. My son was excited to go up the three steps of a ladder and head down the slide. To his amusement, he kept repeating this over and over again. Enter another child to join in on the fun. My son had no patience or desire to share this slide with another child. As soon as this other child tried to climb the stairs, he would push them out of the way. When I held my son on the side to give the other child a turn, telling my son to watch them to see how much fun it is, he started screaming. I did not give in, I just dealt with it. He needs to learn to share, but it's embarrassing and frustrating (for both of us).
Here is some more general wisdom from the The BabyCenter about taming temper tantrums:
"Quick! What's the quickest way to stop a tantrum? Cave in to your toddler's demands, right? Now, what's the best way to guarantee that the tantrums will continue? Same thing. If you reward your child for "stopping" his tantrum, he'll figure it out pretty quickly. And he'll have tantrums just so he can get what he wants. But if you simply ignore the tantrum, which may be difficult to do sometimes, he'll learn just as quickly that this behavior doesn't move you and he'll likely stop. If you're in a public place such as a restaurant or store, your best bet may be to leave with him until he calms down.It may help you to deal with your toddler's tantrums if you understand what's behind them, at least in part. At 17 months a child may want to master stacking five blocks on top of one another. Or he's determined to put his own shoes on, to ride his older sister's bike, or to eat with a fork. When he can't, he may get frustrated. Tantrums are more likely to occur when your child is hungry, tired, or over-stimulated. Sometimes a tantrum is a plea for your attention: a reassuring hug and your undivided attention can make the storm clouds go away.Tantrums aren't easy for parents. It can be hard to listen to a lot of crying, or to have your child be angry at you. But tantrums are a completely normal part of toddler development."
A close friend recommended for me to check out the Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. I just ordered my copy! Any advice, tips, or words of encouragement from other parents going through this is most certainly welcome?
The Soviet Union Died So That This Children's Book Might Live
Wow. The Miracle of Life is a 1992 elementary school book from Russia, which just the year before had been the Soviet Union. I'd say it was a fair trade. As far as basic explanations of life, birth, and the human body go, this is the wackiest wack of wack that ever wacked a wack. Which makes it the perfect subject for the 500th post on Will's incredible blog, A Journey Round My Skull.
Smoking Crack in the Cosmic Egg [ajrms]
gregSingle Asian Baby Boy Seeking Soulmate
Talk about awkward. Whenever people see our baby with a feeding tube, they do a double take and then quickly look away. You can tell they want to say something like, “Hey, did you know there’s a tube sticking out of your baby’s nose?“
Thank goodness they feel too uncomfortable to ask. Otherwise my response would have been, “How did that happen? He didn’t have anything stuck up his nose a second ago.“
Or “Yeah, we know. Baby lost a bet and now he has to live with the consequence.“
Maybe I should play the Asian card, “It’s our custom. This is how we let people know our baby is seeking a soulmate.“
Mommy calls me yum-yum because I’m so yummy,
but daddy calls me dum-dum because I don’t eat enough to sustain myself
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Universal Props
Yes, on our recent vacation we spent a day at Universal Studios, amidst the glitz and glamor of Hollywood. Actually, there's really nothing glamorous about Universal. For the most part, it feels like yet another theme park.
For our visit, however, we were able to see a few things that most tourists don't get to see. And that made it kind of special.
Going behind the scenes at a film studio was cool enough, but when they walked us into this giant building marked Universal Property Dept., well, I knew I was in movie geek paradise.
My kids haven't seen all that many movies in their young lifetimes, but even they were impressed with the sheer number and variety of props, from the pile of fake cheese bound for a Saturday morning TV show to the lifesize terracotta warriors featured in The Mummy 3.
I'm pretty sure they've got everything known to man inside that place.
Here are a few photos from our trip inside the Universal Property Department.
This pile of fake food was headed for a Saturday morning show called The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Apparently, teenagers eat a lot of food.
Props from The Mummy movies. My son's eyes went really wide at the sight of these. Okay, mine did too.
Another Mummy prop. Notice the furniture in the background. They have thousands of chairs, beds, dressers, etc., ready to outfit a movie set.
Among their dummies and mannequins was this Meryl Streep lookalike, created so she could be thrown off a cliff in the movie The River Wild.
It's like the world's biggest thrift shop, with shelves and shelves of knick-knacks and baubles.
Salt and pepper shakers! Considering those are among the most common items to have on a kitchen or restaurant table, they need to keep hundreds of them on hand.
If you can name a movie or TV show where you've seen these tikis, then you are definitely a Super Movie Geek.
These futuristic gloves appeared in the movie Minority Report. Either that, or they're the most amazing back scratchers ever, and I want a pair!
Follow Your Dream, Wherever It May Lead You
Today was my last day as an employee at IV Labs. I quit my exciting, stimulating day job for the only thing that could draw me away: my dream to build a company that will go down the path (starting with baby steps) that leads to a part of humanity’s sustainable future in space.
Quitting my stable, well-paying job, especially at this time in my life, and in this topsy-turvy economic climate, is scary and unnerving. But there was no way I could say ‘no’ to the opportunity to help build LaserMotive into the company I know it can become.
LaserMotive is actually hiring two people. Our other new hire is Dave Bashford, who will be working to make sure our system is fully ready to win the 5m/s prize level when the Power Beaming competition is held again. I will be helping him, but my main job is business development. I need to start writing the grant applications, making the contacts, building the demo hardware, and more, to start bringing in the cash flow that will take us to the next step after the competition is over.
There are all sorts of things I could say here about this major change in our lives, but they all sound cliched (sort of like the title of this post), no matter how true. I will say that Elizabeth and I spent a long time discussing this option before I made the decision.
Wish us luck!