It might be frustrating but count your blessings too.  I'd love to have sex once a week but since our 2nd was born 6+ months ago there has been NOTHING.  I have talked with my wife about this and told her that while sex is important to me, what's even more frustrating is a general lack of intimacy (i.e. unsolicited hugs or kisses, cuddling).

I wish I could offer words of encouragement but I'm in the same boat or maybe a much, much smaller one.

"From that point on it has been sex 1 time a week if i'm lucky."

Go away.  Nobody likes a braggart.......

;-)

Hogan, I once mentioned to my wife about me getting a girlfriend for the same reason.  Her response was, "no, because you might like her more than me and leave me for her".  My response to that was simple, "Why in the world would I leave a wife that lets me have a girlfriend?"

She had no response. 

My conclusion so far? I may not be a marriage material, unfortunately. Society names sexually open minded women  simply - sluts. You are a slut, if you flirt, you are a slut, if you dress provocatively. We did it to ourselves. Let women be flirtatious, and they will be more than willing to make miracles in bed. Hell, when  I get looked at in a weird way, when I play "looking game" with a total stranger in a shop just because I am married,  that's bull. I wouldn't want to have sex with my husband at home, because the society once again implied, that I can't be a sexual being everywhere. Just in bed, under the covers with a spouse who isn't that great sometimes. I have a need to feel desired not just by my husband, I need that spark outside of home, so I can bring it home and just show my hubby what a hot sex goddess I am, and show him and myself that we belong together (are you getting that). I am not talking about going around and cheating, just allowing myself to be fun and flirty everywhere, not just at home. Routine is just a routine, and it becomes boring eventually, especially if you are married for a long time. Oh yeah, I don't freak out when I see my husband talking to another chick. Why in the world men are so judgmental when they see their wife as much as just exchanging a polite talk with a co-worker? I guess, what I am trying to say is that double standards have to be gone for good. Maybe, if women have a little more freedom sex/flirt/appearance wise, it wouldn't be such a drag for many women to want to be sexy in bed. Once it gets into our heads that sex is something dirty, it's there regardless of age. I guess, thats how i feel. I am now afraid to be hot and sexy(

. BTW, I just left a post today on "wife has no libido". You might wanna go there and pick up on many good advices. Good luck.

This is normal ... women dont think the same as men about sexual needs .. with me its a constant battle it seems.. it like a game .. im 42 and have learned to go without ... plus im not a man who has to have sex all the time .. this is part or lifes game !!

You guys are not getting this guy at all.  Its not about having sex one time a week, its about the wife starting the initation of sex/coming on to him.  I am in the same boat, sense my wife and I a have been married you can count the amount of times on one hand shes come on to me knowing it would revert to sex.  I guess once a week isn't bad, I am at two.  I know its hard around kids trying to find time for sure but I am with you.  Get the damn kids out of the bed if they are still in it, that is my problem by far but with very little ones hard.  Speaking of that, I need to take my own advice.  :)

Brad

Yes, Oceandweller is right.  Most of us missed it, when AtHomeDad32 said once a week, many of us felt envy, and or what have you to complain about.  That said, what we really want is to be desired, not given pity.  The role reversal that many in this forum have, should as popular culture and the gurus on marriage suggest lead to women who can't wait to get their guy in bed.  We have bought into that.

I still am thinking that the conclusion most of the men come to is live with it, and yes most of us rebell at that. But for men who are truly desirous of being at home and with the kids/family we will honor our vows, keep our committments and be frustrated.  At least we can vent here.

As I commented on the Wife Has No Libido post, I am a happily married husband in his late 30s (with no kids) who hasn't had sex in almost six years.  While the complete lack of sex is immensely frustrating, everything else in my marriage is wonderful, so I have no doubt that this is a relationship that I want to stay in.  That is the choice I have made, knowing full well that my sex life is over.  Other men will, understandably, make a different decision.  The important thing is to realize that sex vs. marriage is the choice that has to be made in the large majority of cases. 

The conundrum here arises from the fact that, while there are certainly exceptions, the vast majority of women see sex as a not-that-enjoyable utilitarian activity which they use for two things - getting a man and having babies.  So while women may have an active sex life before getting married and perhaps up to when they have children, once they are in a committed relationship with whatever number of children they want, their interest in sex wanes and often disappears.  Most men, on the other hand, desire sex as a physically and emotionally pleasurable activity that needs to be engaged in frequently. 

The different views of sex between men and women creates an inherent conflict.  If a man gets married, his sex life will most likely disappear within a short period of time or, at best, will limp along for a few extra years through much begging, cajoling, etc.  If a man does not get married, he has the opportunity to continue to have an active sex life, but he will lose all the benefits that come with a stable, committed relationship.  

I don't bother with the begging, cajoling, etc. because, frankly, there are few things that are a bigger turn-off than knowing that you are having sex with someone who isn't really interested in having sex with you.  Instead, I have made my decision - stay in an otherwise happy and loving marriage knowing that I won't have sex.  Having that knowledge and accepting it, along with a lot of will power, makes the lack of sex manageable for me.  But if you are a man who is currently in a sexless marriage, you have to realize that it is not an unusual situation or something that is likely to change, and you have to decide whether the marriage is worth it without sex.  And if you are a man thinking about getting married, you have to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with the woman you are thinking about marrying even if sex ends up being rare to non-existent. 

I've made my choice - what is yours?

Omahahomedad - Thanks for the response.  I am curious if anyone has any solid data on this issue.  In other words, what percent of married women still have an active sex drive and interest in sex with their husbands?  What percent of women see their sex drives wane or virtually disappear after they get married?  And what percent of women still have a sex life, but only if their husbands are constantly nagging and begging them about it?  I'll admit that I don't know the answer, but based on my experiences, what I've heard from other folks, and what I've read, it appears to me that the large majority of women fall into the latter two categories, not the first one.

According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, the level of sexless marriages is higher than 1%.    http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/resources/FAQ.html#frequency

20.6% of married men in their 50s report not having sex in the past year.  For men in their 40s, the percent is 9.1%, and in their 30s the percent is 4.5%.  It is only for men in their late 20s that the percent gets down to 1.6%.  Married women report similar numbers.

In addition, a larger percent report having sex only a few times per year or monthly, including 25% of married men in their 50s, 16.2% of men in their 40s, 15.6% of men in their 30s, and 9.3% of men between 25 and 29. 

So, while I may have been incorrect that you really have to choose between marriage and sex, there is a significant proportion of people in sexless or sex-starved marriages.  

In addition, I'd guess that the reported data understates the problem for two reasons.  First, many people do not accurately report things to pollsters, and I'd suspect a lack of sex in marriage as something that people would underreport, rather than overreport.   Second, especially for couples that are having sex less than weekly, I'd bet that in many cases the sex occurs largely because of significant begging and cajoling by the husband and/or because the wife thinks it is her "wifely duty."  And, frankly, such motivations for sex are a huge turnoff, at least for me.

Cathie333 - your honesty about not being interested in sex is refreshing.  As I've commented previously, I think a large proportion of women have no interest in sex soon after they have gotten married and had whatever number of children they want.  Some will continue to have sex out of a feeling of duty or because their husbands beg them, but the number that are truly excited about having sex with their husbands seems pretty low.

I'm curious what you think about a husband who is in a sexless marriage having sex with another woman.  If you truly compare a man wanting sex to a woman wanting someone to go shoe shopping with, then does it matter to you if he has sex with someone else?  I myself have decided I won't do so, but it doesn't seem unfair to me if a man in a sexless marriage decides to.

I am in this same situation right now. I am LUCKY to get any every 3 weeks or so. (going on 3 months now) Frustrating does not even start to cover it. My issue is that  have a high sex drive that is exasperated by bodybuilding. I say exasperated, because my testosterone level is higher than average. We are both in our mid 30's. I stay home with a 5 year old and 7 year old. I alone do EVERYTHING at the house because the wife works in healthcare and her schedule swings wildly. I stay in decent shape. I keep the house spotless an unexagerated 98% of the time. I keep everyone fed. I look after shopping, schooling, discipline,  doctors, and just everything. So I don't know what more she could want. I am at the point now, where I have given right the hell up. I am done initiating things. I am done wishing for any signs of intimacy from her. Since last night, I decided, I also was not going to show any intimacy to her since it seems to mean bugger all. I am at the breaking point here. I am trying to do right and stay true, but man is it ever difficult. It would be fairly easy for me to stray and pick up another chick, but I really don't want to. I have only been "with" 3 women my entire life. I am not the sleeping around type of guy, but the way I see it, if she can change, so can I.

AtHomeDad32, we sound a lot alike. After we conceived our daughter my wife basically declared a "prohibition" on sex. When she was pregnant I would push her to have sex. If I was lucky, she would maybe give in every week-n-half.
So, when our daughter was born I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that was not true six months later and seams to careless if we have sex or not. When we do have sex, it’s like having with a blow up doll. I can’t even get her pretend to get into it like she use to before we got pregnant. I’ve tried talking to her about my needs and desires. She tells me that sex is not a need, AKA I don’t care in my mind. So I have had to resort to DIY…..I have come out and told her strait up that I was going to DIY. This did not even faze her.
I have tried seducing her but she always has an excuse: The baby will be up soon, we have a lot to do (but we did nothing that day),……etc. So, this said sex is only on her terms, from when to how we do it.
So I know how you feel and as for talking to your wife about how you are feel about your sex life, from my experience, you are walking into bees nest.