For the last four years my wife and oldest son have withheld information and lied to relatives, friends and me; and also stolen money from me (included money withdrawn without my permission from our retirement account.)
During this time our son dropped out of college and quit the USA Beach Volleyball Team. He is still unemployed, smoking pot, justifying the pot smoking with his medical marijuana card and also selling it. And my wife continues to support him financially. Heck, why get a job?
Despite their deceitful and dishonest behavior I hung in there for the sake of the family and hoped sooner or later they’d change their behavior. Sadly, the inappropriate behaviors continued.
I invited my wife and son to attend therapy together but they both declined. As Ron “Tater” Salad might say, “You can’t fix stubborn.”
Throughout this ordeal I have been perceived as the bad husband, father and person by relatives and wife’s friends. The relatives included my mom. Fortunately, my mom figured out what was going on and apologized for not confirming the false information she received from my wife and son with me. My mom also stopped giving our son money. Since then our son has not spoken or visited his grandmother.
What is a spouse suppose to do when the other spouse continues with the inappropiate behavior?
I endured and waited long enough and filed for divorce last month.
As hard as it was to break up the marriage, my therapist told me at some point one has to consider his/her health. He was right. For me it was the right and best thing to do. And I have no regrets about my decision.
However, here is what I struggle with and don’t understand. I’m angry and have been told to keep my mouth shut. I’ve done a great job keeping my composure before and after I filed for divorce.
But why can’t I get pissed off and vent?
I’m also very surprised and shocked at that amount of people who view my wife and son as victims and the compassion they’ve expressed towards them.
Based on my wife and son’s behavior it appears that it’s best to “honor thy son who’s doing drugs and the drug” than “honor thy husband and father.” Although it hurts to be treated this way by them, I feel really sad for my wife and son and the people who continue to support them.
My wife and oldest son’s decisions and behavior have led us to bankruptcy. And now that I’ve filed for divorce I’m left with no money and no health insurance. There is also no money for our youngest son’s college education. So he has suffered too. And yep, I’m still the bad guy.
Although my situation sucks, I’m doing my best to turn it into lemonade but it doesn’t taste very good and has been hard to swallow.
I have no regrets about the life I’ve had with my wife. It was a great run but it’s sad that forces beyond my control ended a twenty-one year marriage. Yeah, it hurts but I must move on and prepare myself for a new life as a divorced man.
The good news is that I’ve been much happier since I separated from my wife and my future looks bright.
Thanks to all the dads in this group who provided me with an open ear and support.
Keep On Daddying
Joined: 2008-04-21
Dad Points: 778