All I can say is that it made me uncomfortable just reading that question!

Just approach it the same way you would if the item in question was, say a Ming vase, or some other precious, non-replaceable household item instead of your family "jewels". You remove the child from the situation and gently explain that it is not OK to touch people in their private areas unless you ask and are given permission. It is OK for kids to be curious about the human body and bodily functions but you have to draw the line if it is hurtful or causes discomfort to others.

I have 2 boys and they both have gone through this stage. For us, it didn't last very long. We also talked with them about what is ok and what isn't when it comes to touching. Since they were young, who knows if that did any good but they did stop. It's only natural to be curious about our bodies so I wouldn't sweat it too much. Our oldest is getting close to puberty age and we've had some of those talks and now I see him looking more curiously than before if he happens to be in the room when I'm changing or showering. It's only natural to be curious. Give it some time, when he tries to grab, be gentle but firm when you tell him no, and don't worry about it.

Check out my ramblings on life at http://www.sahdguy.blogspot.com/

And here I thought your question was just a clever ruse in order to drop reference to your 11 inches of masculinity....... :-) Only of course because that's what I had thoughts of doing...;-)

Anyways, its a phase. Just like other items in the house that you don't want him to touch, a very terse No! and move the hands away. He'll catch on soon enough. Also, like other household breakables, quit swinging it around and keep it out of reach.....

Tim

That he has his own and he can pull on it whenever he wants.

:-P

Well perhaps I should have just started my own topic because this one is rather old - perhaps no one will see it but here goes...

I had a very uncomfortable experience a few years ago with my son, who was 5 at the time (he is 8 now)... same sort of thing, I was getting out of the shower and he grabbed my penis. I was pretty shocked, and I think I may have over-reacted, I grabbed his hand and yelled at him never to touch me there again! Then I was like, oh man, I hope I'm not like scarring him for life. 

I had a good talk with him later and basically explained the whole good touch bad touch thing to him - asked him if anyone else had done that to him (I started worrying that perhaps someone at daycare was doing something to him, who knows)  and reassured him that no matter what he has to tell me or his Mom if something like that happens etc. etc. I was too embarassed to tell my wife though and I basically just assumed it was a one time thing. That was the biggest mistake I could've ever made.

Two weeks later he told my wife that _I_ grabbed his hand and put it on me... I was shocked! To say the least. I have never felt so disgusting in my life... I would never do anything like that to my son... I was abused myself as a kid and I KNOW what those kind of things do to a person. I'm still working out my issues with self-esteem etc. I told my wife, like look if you really think I would do something like that than call the police or do what you see fit, because I would never hurt our son - I love him to death!

At the same time, how can I call my son a liar? Though why he was lying still puzzles me, was he embarrased at what he had done after my reaction? I don't know. I did tell him to always tell one of us if something happens that made him uncomfortable... He sat there staring at me, with my wife there crying her yeys out, saying I grabbed him and got him to touch me. I couldn't believe it!

Fast forward three years later and me and my wife just recently split up - and she has made it pretty clear that she thinks I have abused him and that is why she can't be with me anymore. Honestly I just don't know what to do - she is now using this as blackmail... Telling me how horriable I am and that she hopes I can live with myself with what I had done. Though she had no problem staying with me for almost three years after this incident until she started cheating on me with another guy. Who knows who she is telling what to but I am pretty scared that she is going to try and take my son away from me, more than she already has by relegating me to "weekend dad" status...

I'm sorry to vent, perhaps this isn't the best place to say anything like this, but I just have no one else to talk to. I can't approach the subject with friends or family (just don't know how/where to start), and now that my ex has a new boyfriend I see myself being pulled out of my son's life, slowly but surely. If my ex really thought I was capable of that I just wish she would've called the cops or whatever and had gotten it over with - I know if I thought she was doing something like that to our son I certainly would've done that. I want nothing more than for my son to grow up as normal and healthy, and not to have the baggae that I carry forward from my childhood.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the long story but I just don't know what to do... I haven't talked with him about it since, I am scared that it might seem like I am coaching him or something... And even if he did tell the truth now I don't think it would change the way my ex-wife feels about the situation, she seems convinced I am a horriable person.

If anyone has any advice for me I'd love to hear it because I just don't know what to do. It is tearing me apart from the insides out! I don't feel like I have any options at all, and something so innocent has turned into something so ugly and nasty and no matter what I will be branded as something that I find just so totally repulsive...

WOW dartmouthy, sounds like a nightmare.  I cant imagine being labeled an abuser if it wasnt true.  I would say to fight to be in your son's life no matter what.  I would also say that you guys need some sort of professional intervention in the form of one-on-one discussions with a therapist who could decypher exactly what everyone (you, your wife and child) individually is feeling.  Now that your son is at a more rational, talking age, the therapist can speak with him and try to find out what he is feeling.  This could also be terrifying for everyone because what if he doesnt remember, or remembers things differently, etc.  I am not a therapist, so I dont know how they find their way through difficult situations like this.  Your wife may also not want to take part in therapy.  Anyway, sorry to hear about your difficult situation and hope things get sorted out so you could enjoy many more years together with your son in a healthy, safe, nurturing father-son environment.

WOw

Hey guys, thanks very much for taking the time to comment on this... We had gone to see a therapist before but we never really got to delve into any of this before we broke up and she wanted to have nothing to do with me... Being his father, not just his dad (if you understand the distinction there) is VERY importnat to me. We have a great bond and he is just the sweetest kid around, well in my eyes anyway. I guess every Dad thinks that about their kid. I have been terrified ever since this has happened and to say it has been a learning experience would be a bit of an understatement... I am not a perfect guy, I've made lots of mistakes in my life no doubt... I wasn't the perfect husband, but if you ask anyone I know they would say I am a compassionate and caring individual, who truly loves his son, and of course I think the same way about myself! Except for the other most important person in my life, my ex, who is now with a new guy and just won't talk to me at all. Which I most likely did to myself by throwing back mean and nasty things to her to make up for the fact I was so hurt by her accusations and attitude towards me with this situation. And the cheating. I was never an emotional person, but this whole thing has caused me to be so stressed out for so long - I didn't know it was possible to feel so badly and cry day in and day out... lol.

I guess I needed to grow up - I just turned 29 and perhaps I havent been the most mature guy, but I know now how importnat communication is in a relationship - to say the least. I just hope that, as you all have said, I will continue to be able to be a part of his life in the future. Cause the stress is killing me, slowly, and the eventual end to all this has me extremely worried, considering what a label like this would to to my future, my family, my friends... and my son most of all.

Hey Dartmouthy

My wife and I took in my sister-in-law's two kids in an apparent abuse case. What we learned is that therapists ask so many questions that they can tell when a child is lying, when he believes something to be true, if he has been coached, and if there was any actual abuse. If you are seeing a lawyer already you really need to bring it up with them...especially if she is blackmailing you. Also keep a diary of everytime she brings it up or implies that she will use it against you. If you don't have one you should get a phone with a memo/recorder feature so you can have proof that she is blackmailing you. There is one thing the court hates more than an abusive father and that's a mother who tries to benefit from her childs problems.

The courts are so very long and you need to be careful, the first thing they will do if molestation is mentioned is put you somewhere that you cannot be around any children. So you will sit in jail until your case is put on the court's docket and that takes weeks. You pay him enough so now you need to trust your lawyer to keep you  out of bad situations. Having made friends with a few lawyers the one thing they hate is to be blindsided, maybe that's why going to court takes so long.

Back to the therapist, they will videotape the interview with your child and play it in court. Any Family court judge that has been around for any lenght of time will know what to look for when watching the tape.

Dartmouthy, just pray that everything will come out in the open. If your son loves being with you then the therapist, lawyers, and judges will see it. They will also see what your wife is up to. The people that run the courts have a good grasp of who and what people are, kind of like animals. They have seen it all and are not surprised, fooled, or blindly led on by anyone.

Also, show up early for ALL your court dates! cannot stress that enough.

I am praying for you.

I am both saddened and disgusted at the responses to this very simple and NORMAL issue.  What is it about a 2 year old being fascinated with his fathers (role model) body?  At two years old, they have NO CONCEPT of sexuality or inappropriate touching, it is no different for them than grabbing your hand or ear.  To scold or reprimand is to create shame and damage about not only the behavior but also around nudity and individual body image as they mature.  All of you that are threatened by such innocence are the ones that are in need of therapy and a firm reality check.  I could see it if you were talking about an 8 year old but 2, come on…….

Edited to add: This was a response to dartmouthy's post, not the original post. As far as the original post, I don't think I'd worry about your son's fascination since two year olds are fascinated by everything.

I agree with Baggiotal. I would do everything possible to get to the bottom of this. In your defense, how often do you hear of someone abusing a child only once and then never again? Also, it seems likely that due to your reaction when he touched you, your son thought he did something so wrong that he had to lie about it to your wife. Anyway, I hope there is some way that you, your wife, and son can get professional help. I can't imagine what it would be like for him knowing that his dad was pulled out of his life because he told a lie when he was 5. I think its worth doing everything possible for him and you.

Sounds like you had never really scolded him so harshly so he kinda got freaked out by it.  Thinking he had hurt his dad, he probably tried to "explain" it to his mom and being 5 it came out wrong and she jumped to the worst conclusion possible.  Also, don't know who said it, but child molesters are considered sick and incurable by mental health professionals, so if it was true, this would not have been the first incident or the last incident of this type of contact.  Lawyer up fast, take a polygraph test, get your kid to a therapist and start collecting evidence to prove your innocence.  It won't be cheap, but losing your child to a simple mistake made by a 5 year old that got twisted into something it wasn't by a cheating spouse would be awful. 

To answer the original question.....don't sweat it.  Your penis is just different than your son's and he is just curious is all.  He doesn't mean anything by it, he's just learning about his world.  Unfortunately for you, part of your anatomy happens to be within reach.  If he wants to touch, just let him know he needs to ask first and explain it hurts when he just grabs on.  If he asks, tell him the truth, that his will look like yours when he gets older and then he will start to inspect his own instead of focusing on your so much.  He will likely mirror your reactions, so if it's no big deal to you, it will become no big deal to him.  But if you freak out, he is likely to do the same.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I agree with aidansdaddyisme.  Your son's fascination with your penis is no different than his fascination with your toe.  My 21-month-old son takes a shower with me two or three times weekly, and on occasion has looked at me and said, "peepee."  A couple of times he has reached up and touched it.  My reply...this is daddy's peepee (or penis - depends on my mood that day) and that is your peepee.  Today he was fascinated by my big toe.  So there you have it... 

One other thing...when you change his diaper or bathe him, you probably touch his penis.  More than likely he just thinks it's normal or okay to touch yours.  For now, it is harmless. 

When I was younger (now 24), my dad refused to potty train me.  My uncle and grandfather were the ones who taught me how to use the "big boy" toilet.  My dad never changed my diaper, never put sun screen on me, and never touched me in any way.  Of course, my mom had to do everything for me because he would do nothing.  I grew up never seeing my dad nude or in underwear (not that I really wanted to), but when I went to my friends house's, their dads naturally walked around in underwear and changed nude in front of us.  I was always shocked and at many points, so uncomfortable I would start to cry because I was so embarrassed.  Of course I was young then, but I was not used to it and I thought it was wrong to be nude in front of others.

I was not allowed to be naked at home; I always had to wear shorts, no underwear only at my house.  When I started middle school, I had already hit puberty and had some pubic hair and a larger penis.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I had nobody to talk to about it, my dad wasn’t the kind of dad to talk to about it, I was scared to talk to friends or teachers about it.  When I had gym class, I didn’t change in front of others and I still got scared being around other guys changing and being nude because I was not use to that.  My entire teenage life, I felt uncomfortable with nudity or even just being around guys in underwear or jocks.  I quit football my junior year of high school because I could not deal with the locker-room scene anymore.  I excelled in sports, but the locker room kept me from chasing my dream.

A couple of weeks before I graduated high school, I finally spilled the beans to my friends about my life experience and why I was such a private person.  I had spent years playing sports and working out.  I had a great body that anyone would be proud of, but I kept myself covered and looked down on others that would show off their bodies.  My friends were shocked to know that I had hidden this secret for years.  Of course these "friends" were my guy friends and they had all seen their dad’s nude and there was nothing wrong with it.  They all had no problem with being nude in front of others either.  Well, of course I had to talk to my dad about this.  I was going away for the summer and not returning home before starting college 16 hours away from home.  I only had a few weeks left with my family.  I wanted to clear the air and let my dad know what was going on all these years.  I told him my story, my pain and my experience with nudity and how it affected me in a negative way.  He got blazing mad at me, scolded me for blaming him for my screwed up life and then, what happened next has kept me from talking to my dad ever since.  He pulled down his shorts, showed me his penis and took my face and shoved it in his crotch and told me to have my way with his junk.  I was horrified and discusted that this happened.  I left the room, got in my car and drove around for hours scared to go home and scared to tell anyone what just happened.  My mother still does not know what happened, so I had to make up a lie that my dad didn't want to talk to me, so I didn't want to talk to him.

The point of me sharing this personal story with you guys is to not over-react to things like this in life.  Its ok, its just a penis!  I now have a son, he is 3 and I never try to cover myself up when he is in the room.  I want my home to be open and free.  I will never make him go through what I went through.  Nudity is ok, we were born that way.  There is a time and place for it, but it’s not going to kill anyone.  My son has grabbed my penis before, but all I did was talk to him in a baby way and say "no touchy daddy there".  He still does it every now and then; he does it to be funny because he will grab it and run away laughing.  Next year, when he’s older, I will talk with him in a more mature way so he will be able to truly understand why he shouldn’t grab daddy there.  Anyways, there kids, protect them, teach them, nurture them, and let them explore their curiosity while there young and teach them wrong from right!

im a 13 year old boy and i searched the internet on my problem which was i spent the nite at my frineds house and we shared a bed which we do all the time so it wasnt a problem and i woke up before he did and his hand was on my penis i freaked out and called my mom to come pick me up and after he woke up he realized i wasnt there and called me. he asked me why i had left so early so i lied and said that i was scik and had to leave and that was that. s so today i searched the internet on what to do becuase my frtined touched my penis while we were sleeping and i found a decent answer but i decided to search more and this popped up and i read it out of curiosity and i have to say i cant answer your question becuase im still a child myself but i can say that the story before mine is dreadful i would cry if this happened to me and i would most likely not be able to socially connect with men any more. anyways if you guys ever had a problem like mine when you were younger if you could tell me how you handled the situation it would help me greatl. sorry for the punctuation im just typing

Why isn't anyone asking the most obvious question here, which is why so many of you feel the need to be balls out naked around your kids. I know many of your kneejerk responses will be that there's "nothing wrong with the human body," but I'm not talking about that. We cloth ourselves around our kids in order to send to them the message that certain parts of our bodies are not for public display. It's not about shaming them or avoiding building a bond, it's a simpe act of privacy.

My father never walked around the house naked, and he certainly never took baths or showers with us, and we all grew up with a healthy respect for our bodies and our sexuality.  I have to raise an eyebrown of suspicion whenever I hear of such "accidents," especially when they're repeated over and over, and cause such concern.  The remedy seems simple; if you are concerned about your kid grabbing your penis, keep it covered.  Duh!

Zanacos:  You seem to be assuming that your friend was molesting you, and I don't see any evidence of that. Unless you define "his hand was on my penis," no one will be able to answer your question.  Were you wearing underwear and/or pajamas?  If so, then his hand was on your CROTCH, not on your penis.  Also, was it "grasping" your genitles, or simply laying across them?  Was it moving, or still?  I mean, if you'd said that you woke up to him trying to masturbate you, we'd have an issue here (one of sex without consent), but since you don't mention any of that, I'll have to assume that it didn't happen that way.

When I was a young teen, I awoke to find my friend's dad in bed with me and later learned that he often used that room when he came home drunk and didn't want to get a load of shit from his wife.  I didn't go around suggesting to people that my friend's father had molested me!  We all got a good laugh out of it, actually, and I joked that he was better than the electric blanket they'd given me.  : )

I think it's normal for boys to be interested in their father's penises.  Some boys are more interested in their own penises or others that they see than other boys.  I would think most boys who have their dads in their life are going to be around their fathers as they use the bathroom, shower, and change.  I think it would be niave to think that wouldn't happen.  Boys learn by observation, so this does have some value to them for learning daily habits and hygiene.

If your son seems overly fascinated by your penis, a discussion should take place about these are private parts and we don't touch or share these parts of our body.  At 2 or 3 years of age, this may be challenging for your son to understand since you and his other parent probably touch his penis when he goes to the bathroom, bathes, ect.  If it happens once, I would calmly tell him not to touch you there, and leave it alone.

There is a tendency to over react with this type of event because people associate it with something sexual.  Kids this age aren't thinking sexually; it's an exploration issue.  Dads have to determine how much openess and nudity they are comfortable with but being too discrete and modest may give kids a sense of shame and mystery about the body that can hurt their growth and development.  My own dad wasn't very open with me, but more than that, both my parents reinforced that nudity and being nude around others was wrong and inappropriate.  As I grew up, I was not comfortable going camping, showering and playing sports mostly because I was nervous about changing befoe and after.  You want to teach your son their are boundaries with his body, but showering at camp, going to the gym, and peeing in a public restroom are normal, and men do these activities.

We live in a society that tends to be repressed about nudity and is hypersensitive to abuse and inappropriateness.  Though this does occur, the vast majority of people conduct themselves in a benign and appropriate manner.  Teaching your son to respect his own body and the bodies of others will allow him to grow into a man with appropriate boundaries.