What made you decide to become a SAHD?
My wife made more than I did and I didn't want to send my son to day care so we figured it would make sense for me to stay home and watch the boy.

Had you ever thought much about being a SAHD prior to actually making the decision?
I went to the 8th annual at-home dad's convention 4 months before my son was born to see what I was getting myself into. I would say that involved some thought.

What was your previous employment to becoming a SAHD?
Zamboni Driver. Seriously, I was. And I worked security at a middle school.

How has this experience changed your life?
I have a son who has been raised and molded the way I want him to be, not the way someone who is being paid X number of dollars an hour raised him. I have been there for all of the important moments, first steps, first words, etc...

Would you recommend this lifestyle to other men?
I do daily. www.athomedadconvention.com

Do you think that men can be just as good parents, if not better parents, than women?
I wouldn't say better parents for either sex, we parent differently. I have strong suits in parenting that my wife doesn't, and she scores higher in patience than I do. It's a style thing.

anything else that you would like to add would be great as well, I'd love to hear your personal stories!
My wife has given me a great opportunity. I am grateful that I have been able to be with my son his whole life, see him growing in front of me, and despite the days I am in the doorway when my wife comes home from work telling her what "her son" has done that day, I wouldn't trade the opportunity that I have been given.

Dayv

www.athomedadconvention.com

wow, thank you for your responses!
Dayv- What was the most valuable information you learned at the convention that prepared you to be a SAHD?
KevH- Would you ever want to return to a 9-5 job?

The most valuable thing I learned was that I'm not alone out there. There are millions of other dads out there who are the primary care givers for thier children, and that if they can do it, so can I. If I need some advice, there are some great guys to contact for suggestions.

Dayv

www.athomedadconvention.com

What made you decide to become a SAHD? WE DID NOT WANT TO PUT OUR CHILD IN DAYCARE. WIFE WAS OFFERED A LOT OF MONEY FOR US TO MOVE.
Had you ever thought much about being a SAHD prior to actually making the decision? NOT MUCH, BUT I HAD NEVER RULED IT OUT. WE ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MY WIFE.
What was your previous employment to becoming a SAHD? ATTORNEY
How has this experience changed your life? IT MAKES ME APPRECIATE LIFE MORE. I TRADED IN A LOT OF BAD JOB STRESS FOR SOME TOLERABLE CHILD STRESS. IT IS EXTREMELY LIBERATING FROM THE SOCIETAL PRESSURES MOST MEN GROW UP WITH.
Would you recommend this lifestyle to other men? YES, BUT NOT WITHOUT CAREFUL CONSIDERATION. IT CHANGES YOUR LIFE AND CAREER FOREVER.
Do you think that men can be just as good parents, if not better parents, than women? YES THEY CAN. BUT, IT IS INDIVIDUAL-SPECIFIC, NOT GENDER-SPECIFIC.

anything else that you would like to add would be great as well, I'd love to hear your personal stories! CLICK ON MY CONTACT BUTTON IF YOU WANT TO SEND ME A FOLLOW-UP EMAIL.

What made you decide to become a SAHD?

Me, unfinished PhD, her, MBA. Forecast that one out, you know who's career is going to be the family economic engine. Personality wise, I'm better suited to being the at-home parent, and she is better suited to being a blackberry addict...although we didn't know that quite so clearly 10 years ago, we had a pretty good sense of it.

Had you ever thought much about being a SAHD prior to actually making the decision?

Loads! I didn't really think about it before getting together with my eventual spouse, but we talked about it for many years before we lived it. (together: 18 years; married 13 years; kids, 8 years)

What was your previous employment to becoming a SAHD?

That's "at-home Dad" to you, honey. :-) There is nothing "stay" about the job...as the miles on my vehicle will tell you (NOT a mini-van, thank you very much -- don't flame me guys, ok, I respect your vehicle choice...). Unfortunately, the moniker is too firmly rooted in the language...

Prior employment in approximate reverse order: grad student, barista before anyone knew what a "barista" was, retail store management, adventure travel management, adventure travel guide, bike mechanic, inveterate traveler...a pretty standard post-college, late 80's early 90's "there is no economy" type resume.

How has this experience changed your life? Would you recommend this lifestyle to other men?

Uh, any experience changes your life...but I do feel strongly that I am more satisfied with my life and generally fulfilled as an at-home Dad than I would have been as either an academic or some sort of desk-jockey. Perhaps more importantly, it has changed my wife's experience...she wouldn't have the career she has if I weren't at home being, uh, the wife! She never has to leave work to get sick kids from school, can jump on a plane with essentially no notice to go to critical meetings and not have any concerns about who the kids are with, never has to spend time "running the home", etc. Recommend it? ABSOLUTELY! But, as with any career choice, it's gotta fit... It isn't for everybody (but then no job is...including many women who probably shouldn't be at-home Moms...but that's another story rooted in cultural bias...)

Do you think that men can be just as good parents, if not better parents, than women?

Oh, no offense, this is a really REALLY stupid question for a number of reasons. If we didn't think we could do at least close to an equal job, can you imagine the cognitive dissonance we'd have? Heather, you've grown up in a world that is so post-feminist that post-femism happened, uh, while you were a toddler! (assuming you are college age...forgive me if I make incorrect assumptions.) This should be part of the cultural fabric of who you are...your foremothers of the 60's and 70's knocked the opposite question on it's ass (can women do men's work)...and the women of the 80's and 90's k.o.'d it completely...the women of this millenium shouldn't even be asking about jobs and gender suitability...there is no job that favors one gender, there are only biased cultural expectations that encode preferred gender onto a job. Simply put, sexism can go both ways...and that question is blatently sexist.

Hell yes, we do just as good a job as women...equally good to the at-home Moms who are good at it, and better than the many at-home Moms who are tortured by the post-post femist culture that makes them feel unfulfilled because they don't "work" and are consequently unhappy in their role as primary parent. This is not to say there aren't bad or unhappy at-home Dads...there are, and some of the unhappy ones can be found on this site. However, the issue is not that they are men, but rather that "primary parent" just isn't the right job for them. Men and women don't succeed as at-home parents (or lawyers, or garbage collectors, or i-bankers, or nurses, or, or, or...) because of their gender...they succeed because they "fit" their role well.

For some concrete answers about men's parenting, see Kyle Pruett's research (Yale)....male primary parent outcomes are equal to if not slightly better than women's.

Other details...uh, can you be more specific?

Please be sure to post your paper for us...we do get hit fairly regularly with these sorts of requests and it does encourage us to keep answering if we see that something of interest is in fact coming out of it....

Hey, guys, I think this thread is becoming the FAQ...

- Andy

____________________________________
KCDADs: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/kcdad/

13th Annual At-Home Dads' Convention: www.athomedadconvention.com

thank you for the great responses everyone!

JPhillip- thanks for the links
trophyhusband- yeah, I really should not have included the last question... I was trying to elicit responses that talked about the pride attached to being a father and being the one who gets to raise the children, but I see that those answers came out anyway! my apologies

Ok, I'll answer my first survey as well. Good luck on your project.

What made you decide to become a SAHD? Unlike others here, we did utilize a wonderful childcare facility for our son and daughter until this fall. Our son, now four, still attends the same preK program -- he likes it, is adjusted and, frankly, is doing really well. We never looked at it as "outsourcing parenting" or anything like that. We were providing for our children both for today and tomorrow and they both were happy. In short, I had no problem w/ how we were raising our children before we decided to have me stay home.

Instead, the stress of two parents working was just killing us, the adults! I know my kids are happier now, don't get me wrong, but they were never unhappy to begin with. My wife and I, however, were exhausted all the time. My work required approximately six-seven weeks of travel. Her job really isn't that flexible (it's hard for her to leave on a moment's notice). We knew it would be much easier on all involved if one of us stayed home fulltime. I cannot quantify the reduction in stress that has taken place since I have been staying home. W/ school and practices, w/ traffic and groceries and laundry, with coughs and fevers . . . being a parent for a couple hours a day during the week and then fulltime on the weekend is just really, really hard. After four years, we were done. We couldn't continue like that. My wife makes a lot more money than I made, so here I am.

Had you ever thought much about being a SAHD prior to actually making the decision? Only b/c my wife has always outearned me by a great deal. We knew that should we ever decide to go down this road it would be on me to do so. I was a teacher in a previous life and do enjoy working with children -- what better children to teach than your own? So, yes, I thought about it.

What was your previous employment to becoming a SAHD? Associate Director of Undergraduate Admissions at my alma mater (a terrific school!). I liked my job a great deal and could have worked there for the rest of my life.

How has this experience changed your life? I'm but one month in, actually, so I'm not sure I can answer this in a meaningful way. I am taking a lot of pride in the work I do in this new life -- I want the house to be clean, the meals to be good, the laundry folded and the shopping done. Most importantly, I want to play and read and learn with my children and at the same time give my wife the opportunity to do the same when she is home. I have embraced these tasks and this life . . . so far, so good.

Would you recommend this lifestyle to other men? Absolutely. If you want a parent to stay home, I'm not sure us guys will have a choice! Trust me, I know -- women have taken over almost all of the top spots in our nation's high schools, colleges and graduate/professional schools. But the job itself is rewarding. The issues I have been facing thus far (including loneliness/lack of adult interaction) are no different than those a stay-at-home mom faces (except for the fact that there are so many other stay-at-home moms out there!). What's good/bad for women can be good/bad for us as well!

Do you think that men can be just as good parents, if not better parents, than women? No. My wife and I decided to sacrifice the well-being of our children for the cash (I keed, I keed!). I read your follow-up post and know you meant no harm here!

Click my name for a link to my blog for some stories if you'd like. Again, best of luck to you on your project.

Heather: apologies accepted...I fully assumed the question was asked innocently and didn't mean any ill. I hope the tone of my response was sufficiently light for you (and others...) to see that I was basically just giving you gas... I sometimes forget that not all the participants here (I'm psyched about how many new ones there are!) aren't yet familiar with my sometimes caustic humor...

Your ongoing dialog with us is great...something that other researchers have frequently failed to do.

- Andy

____________________________________
KCDADs: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/kcdad/

13th Annual At-Home Dads' Convention: www.athomedadconvention.com