I know you didn't want comments, but you finished the post with questions. And, I feel like commenting.

She's treating you like your a little house-slave, and I think I know the obvious reason why. She wants you to return to work. That seems to be the underlying issue if she is constantly telling you to go back to work if you don't like it. She also resents the role reversal (and the crappy hours), but won't admit it directly, so you get all this passive-agressive bullshit from her about being the primary parent.

I don't want to judge your decision to co-sleep. I think it's important for babies and parents to co-sleep during the first year, but once they start interfering with the relationship or are old enough to roll around kicking the sheets all the time, it's time to get them in their own bed. It's good for the child, and it's good for the parents. Once you seperate at night, you can begin to think about seperating during the day.

You should detatch from your son and go out for drinks or to the gym on some of these evenings when it seems impossible. He needs to learn to be away from you, and giving in to his perceived need to be with you will never help your situation. From what you've told us, and forgive me for saying this, but the reason there is a problem with your son being overly-attached, is because you've allowed it to happen.

My two cents aren't worth much, but I honestly am trying to help. I hope things get better for you guys because beneath all the day-to-day hoops that you both have to jump through in your daily lives, there is a relationship that needs to be nurtured too.

Hey Man,
I wish I could help beyond saying I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Your wife’s relationship to your son is her responsibility. How many of us grew up with a detached father or mother?

Be Seeing You.

Ironcat,

These kind of stresses are pretty common, especially with multiple kids 5 and under. Those can be the toughest SAHD years, especially if you have had 2 in diapers at the same time.

If there is advice to give, besides hang in there, it is to try and look at what you are accomplishing instead of what you are doing (getting caught up in the sahd details will drive you mad!). Look past the tiny details at the big picture, and hopefully you both still like what you see. You both have tremendous value to your family.

BTW, I am taking my annual fishing trip to Port Canaveral this year (March 15). It is a little far, but if you wanted to join us Friday, maybe for some beach time and dinner, you are welcome. There is still a spot on the charter as well.

We are all veteran SAHDs, and have been through a lot of this.

A couple hours talking with Bruce will have you dying to get home to Mrs. Ironcat! lol

-Jim L

2008 SAHD Fishing Trip:
www.sahdsfish.4t.com

Jim L "If there is advice to give, besides hang in there"

Is working for me
care sent john

I'm no expert, but I would say that you two have issues (says Captain Obvious). I really, really have to go along with most of what ticktock said. He hit the big issues, the main one being her apparent resentment of the role reversal.

If you are into saving this relationship, however, don't go accusing her of that or anything else. Instead, I would emphasize what TheNorman said: Counseling. You guys really seem to have problems in the communication area, and a professional third-party sounds like the beginning of your solution.

It might even cost a fair chunk of change; but from what I hear, it's cheaper and more productive than consulting attorneys and heading down that nasty road.