The only reason I made this Anonymous is on the totally outside chance that someone from my wife's work would stumble upon this, but do any of you have advice for this situation?
The industry that my wife works in is getting better but still has some of the old boy network type crap in it, but for the most part she has not really had a problem with it in this company. She has been here three years and for the first two she was a rising star, everyone was really jazzed about the work she was doing, and everything was awesome, BUT then her manager found a new job and for the last year she has worked for a guy who is a sexist, and all around poor manager, now personally I would like to go and kick the guys ass (part of his management style is talking crap about people behind their back, but this time he did it to close to the open door to my wife's office) but all of a sudden she (according to her manager, from here on referred to as Mr. A. Hole) is "really dropping the ball", she is not asking for help when she needs it/asking for to much help (depending on the meeting), and not stepping up to the plate (when every time she does Mr. A. Hole takes great delight in pitching her up and inside) I know that this jerk has been working on destroying her self confidence and now she is freaked out because she is the breadwinner.
So any suggestions on what I can do? She has been talking to HR, and I know that one step removed I don't know everything that is going on but other than being there for her, any ideas?
Almost put my tagline here but we will skip that this time.
anyone?
anyone?
HR
Hey Man,
HR is their to protect the interests of the company not the interests of the employies. They only way for you wife to get HR to work for her is for her ask them, HR, call a meeting to disscuss the issues at hand and set guidles for her performance and her manager. This must be under the srticktest ruse of her wanting to know how to preform better under her new manager.
I would also recomend she read, "The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't," by Robert I. Sutton
and
"First, Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently." by Marcus Buckingham
So she will be able to more accuratly use the new terms and theories about managment etc. Also, get hersrlf out there and look for a new gig. At the very least it will allow her to see her skill set in a new light and feel better about herslef.
Hope that helps a little.
Be Seeing You.
Don't Panic.
Unless there is more to the story, don't panic. And, don't let her panic. Stress drives you crazy and can make you do crazy things.
Don't attack the new manager. Convince her not to have words with him. Encourage her to keep doing her very best, and to take the high road. Ignore his idle chat. If he does it to everyone, then she shouldn't take it personally. Some people talk about others to try to boost their own self-confidence.
Her performance is likely measured by more than just his opinion. What did she talk to HR about? By the way, HR is not your friend. HR works for the VPs and higher Execs. They are not on your wife's side.
Here is a plan of action: 1. Do her very best at her job. Nose to the grindstone. Just smile and produce. 2. Find a way to relieve her stress outside of work. 3. Do not engage in petty behavior with this guy. 4. Ignore his idle comments. 5. Develop a working relationship and friendship with a manager that is at least his equal, if not his superior. Develop allies. 6. Begin working on her resume. 7. Reach out to friends and old colleagues at other places of work "just to say hi." Where is her old manager these days? 8. Invite friends from outside of work, e.g., church, civic org, etc. over for dinner or out to dinner. Choose to invite people who do the same type of work or who work in another company of interest to your wife. 9. Develop any and all contacts "socially" before you are in a "must" situation. 10. Begin a legitimate job search by contacting a recruiter and researching online. 11. Begin living like she is unemployed right now. 12. Scrimp, cut corners and save now, just until the dust settles at least.
I wish you the best of luck.
Sadly ...
There is not much you can do regarding the manager. He has all the power, unless it is also clear to coworkers that your wife is being harassed, and then there is probably a complaint system for her.
What you can do is assure her that whatever happens, you will adjust as a family. Whatever that takes.
If she feels she has to keep the job, for you and the kids, even though she is miserable, that eventually will lead to additional stress all around. It might help to figure out a strategy ahead of time -- figure what she can make temping in her field, and figure out how you can get a part time job and/or cut costs to make it work, for example.
Good luck.