How is being a stay at home dad better than being stay at home mom?

jmc
Posts: 41
Joined: 2007-12-12
Dad Points: 59

I've read about the negative sides of being a stay at home dad versus being a stay at home mom, but what are the advantages?

Here are a few that I can think of.

1. My wife commented on this one. When I take my girls into a store/gymnastics/dance class, I get special treatment. the store attendants (women) think its cute and want to talk to the girls. They comment on how their husband could never do that (They probably could, but moms always make this comment). When my wife takes the girls into a store, the store attendants look at her in a way that says, "make sure they don't touch anything".

2. We don't socialize like the moms do. Many of the moms are competing with each other for social status. I think they all want to be in the "alpha group" of moms. Dads are just glad to have an adult to talk to.




BackpackingDad
BackpackingDad's picture
Posts: 253
Joined: 2007-10-21
Dad Points: 285
Ditto on 1

on 2, though, I don't know. I think it's true that we don't socialize the way moms do, but mostly, for me, that means that the only socializing I do with other dads is either online or accidentally. I haven't made any effort to find a sahd playgroup, or even a playgroup that already has a dad in it. I'm quite happy hanging out with the moms. And they don't seem to have an alpha group, competitive mentality about their socializing. Then again, maybe they ARE the alpha group, and I just can't see the forest to spite the nose on my face.

I don't know that that means being a sahd is better than being a sahm.

Thoughts about fatherhood, philosophy, fencing, and hockey abound at http://shawn-burns.livejournal.com/



ticktock
ticktock's picture
Posts: 789
Joined: 2006-11-06
Dad Points: 1419
Statistics have shown that

Statistics have shown that at-home dads have children who are smarter and who focus less on gender issues- such as putting a Boys Only sign on the clubhouse.

Any anecdotes to back up that research?



BackpackingDad
BackpackingDad's picture
Posts: 253
Joined: 2007-10-21
Dad Points: 285
Yes, my daughter is a genius

She saw a lamp in the wrong place the other day, pointed at it, and said "da!" I mean, to anyone else the lamp would be feminine, right. But to her it's just as masculine as "da".

;}

Thoughts about fatherhood, philosophy, fencing, and hockey abound at http://shawn-burns.livejournal.com/



jmc
Posts: 41
Joined: 2007-12-12
Dad Points: 59
Mom Hiearchy

The biggest place I see the Mom's divide is between those that stay at home and those that work.

For instance, One time I overheard a conversation between two mom's during a morning gymnastic class. They were talking about how much better the morning classes were than the evening classes, because the evening classes were very busy with the working moms. I didn't think much of it because I had to agree that the morning classes were quieter and more relaxed. Somehow I mentioned that conversation to my wife and she went ballistic. She had to post about it on her "mother's web site" and the other mothers there started calling the gymnastics's moms words like "bitch" and the like. Maybe it shouldn't have, but this surprised me.

Rather than saying "alpha group" of moms, I should say "clicks"? The Mom's seem to have stronger opinions of each other and become more jealous/envious of each other than men would in the same circumstance.

Who knows, I'm making this up as I go along.



New No.2
New No.2's picture
Posts: 650
Joined: 2007-11-12
Dad Points: 910
Confedance

Women with AHDs and involved fathers tend to make better choices about men later in life and have more poise and confidence in the work place and other endeavors.

Many in the older generations have told me they wish men had been so involved with there kids, and it’s great that so much has changed than a man can stay home. May of these folks told me they felt sorry for dads in the past because they missed so much of there children’s childhood.
Be Seeing You.



JonMcP
JonMcP's picture
Posts: 349
Joined: 2007-01-03
Dad Points: 508
Interesting comments so far

I definitely think being an at home dad is way cooler than being an at home mom. Completely agree with JMCs two points. Like Backpacking Dad I've not gone out of my way to hang out with other dads AND the one time I did go to a Donuts With Daddy thing on a Saturday it was really awkward all the way around for everyone involved.

I've managed to "infiltrate" a great group of moms who have no problem with me being a man. They have commented that there seem to be a couple of "mom clicks" out there:
1) The group that is competing to see who can be the best mom ("I've never turned the TV on for Tyler and he's never eaten refined sugar")

2) The really beautiful women who seem to be really wealthy, have beautiful kids who will be cheerleaders and/or beat up our kids in High School, and who are really just stay at home moms because that's what they were "born and bred" to do. These are the ones busy talking while Chauncey the 3rd is standing on a chair about to bust his head open.

3) The group who maybe made some sacrifices to stay at home with their children and while not perfect parents they also definitely don't mind hanging out with a dad who made the same choices.

I do sense some tension between these three groups that I don't have to deal with being a man. I clearly belong to group #3. Group #1 is pleasant enough to me, but not really going to get too close. Group #2 wouldn't have had anything to do with me before we had kids or were in High School, so I'm not really hurt by them now!

I'm also starting to suspect a 4th group- the nannies. I'm not sure how their dynamics work with the other three groups, but I've noticed that most nannies don't announce "I'm a nanny" right off the bat, and most tend to be friendly with me, making me think that they're closer to group 3 than the others.



CiaAlum92
CiaAlum92's picture
Posts: 541
Joined: 2007-12-19
Dad Points: 2248
The only thing that bothers me

I have to pee sitting down.. My 2.5 follows me everywhere ........

I started my own playgroup and invite whom ever I like. Cool dad or mom... I have to like their kid also. If their a great parent cool, if the kids a nasty little one ( thats a deal breaker ).

I love what I do and people are amazed a 360 LB 6'2 1/2" male with large tattoos is a stay at home dad... P.S. I still lace them up and play hockey...
Chef Kev

Ask not what Vista can do for you! Ask what can I BUY for Vista?



Mr. Dad
Posts: 206
Joined: 2008-03-07
Dad Points: 295
Pee Sitting down... LOL

The previous comments is GREAT! I have 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. I have to go in the handicap stall with the double stroller and take a seat just to pee. It was odd at first, but now it is just funny. You get used to the little changes in life.

One thing I notice is all the "looks" I get when in a sahm environment. Like, what am I doing there. It bothered me at first, but now I just focus on enjoying my girls having fun. Once you get past the stares, its a blast.

I don't really hang out with sahm or sahd groups. We just do our own thing.



SugarMamasBoy
SugarMamasBoy's picture
Posts: 159
Joined: 2008-02-29
Dad Points: 232
Aah, because it's never that time of the month...?

Yeah, that about covers most of it.

Prefer to leave the rest to all my ex-sociology profs, it's much too complicated to get into with "Daddy-brain".



mikeSAHD
mikeSAHD's picture
Posts: 57
Joined: 2008-05-20
Dad Points: 65
Y'all are sitting down to pee?

I find that hilarious! I realize that both of you have girls, which makes it a bit more necessary when they are older (like yours are), but would you sit down if you had boys? Just curious... I have a son who is 14 months. While I haven't thought that far ahead (> 2years), I know that at some point we have to introduce privacy. Right now, however, I stand to pee, hoping that he starts to pick up the concept.



trophyhusband
trophyhusband's picture
Posts: 203
Joined: 2006-11-27
Dad Points: 391
No tampons....

Although shaving face is a PITA. (Now, saving face, that's a whole 'nuther thread... :-) )

- Andy

____________________________________

13th Annual At-Home Dads' Convention: www.athomedadconvention.com



alan68
Posts: 39
Joined: 2008-07-17
Dad Points: 39
One clear advantage...

Well, I am always hearing about women who stay at home all day with their kids, cooking, cleaning, yelling, etc. etc. etc. and at the end of the day they don't feel sexy, and if the hubby is in the "mood" when he gets home, he's outta luck.

But hey, we're GUYS! We're ALWAYS in the mood whether we feel sexy or not. I do my fair share of doughty housework, changing diapers, laundry and stuff, and sometimes it completely wears me out, but I have yet to even think about turning away my wifes, uhmm, advances when the lights go out ;)

2 parents, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats...Eight is Enough!



SugarMamasBoy
SugarMamasBoy's picture
Posts: 159
Joined: 2008-02-29
Dad Points: 232
Confusious once many times say...

"it is great convenience for man to stand and pee, until daughter see this and try later herself. Not so convenience when man return to slip & fall in daughter pee."

Descartes - "I pee standing, therefore I am a man... *Shake*..."

Many known and anonymous women (most notably, the women who came up with the idea for toilet wipes) - "Why do guys pee standing?, they spray and splash everywhere, it's just disgusting!

All the men who've ever heard this (most notably the guy and/or his wife, who came up with the idea for disposable toilet target boats) -
"If God wanted men to pee sitting down He wouldn't have made it so natural to pee standing up.

John Crapper - "Man is my wife gonna love this"

Dr. Nephradulmomnt - "Women are the rare creature to have evolved to almost always pee whilst actually sitting, except for the occasional shower pee. What's more, it is anatomically correct, biologically preferable and healthier to do it from one's feet."

Sugarmamasboy - "Yes, I'm just making this all up, true or not as such may all actually seem, nevertheless give further credence and evidence to the fact that, yes, it is better being a SAHD than SAHM."



Simon Windisch
Posts: 2
Joined: 2008-07-21
Dad Points: 2
Hi, I'm a home dad from the

Hi, I'm a home dad from the UK...

Doing your own thing is fine, but don't you think that your kids need to be able to play with their peers?

Simon



GuitarDad
GuitarDad's picture
Posts: 12
Joined: 2008-06-12
Dad Points: 16
One of the advantages is

One of the advantages is that, typically, stay at home dads aren't hung up on "am I missing out on a big time career" as many stay at home moms are. For the most part I think we either have been in the "big time career" and know we aren't really missing anything or we have a better sense of the big picture. This gives us more freedom without second guessing and hangups to enjoy what we are doing.



Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.