for me to say this, but ticktock is right and sounds pretty smart. We also moved to be closer to my wife's family and it's been tough. We've been here about 9 months now and I've made a few parent friends, mom's and dad's. The playgroup's are non-existent here and I've tried a couple of times to get one going, but it's hard to get other's to commit. Get outside and explore your new place. Go to all the local shops and talk up the owners. Half the stores downtown here (small southern town) know me and my kids now, and it's made a huge difference. Being a part of the community has really helped. Anyway, good luck. I'm sure you'll get a several responses with some excellent advise.

North Carolina Dad's Group
http://lindsaybeans.blogspot.com
http://oneredsquirrelinstatesville.blogspot.com

And some folks may disagree with me on this- but if it gets too bad why not call your doctor and look into taking an antidepressant for a period of time. You're going through a hell of an adjustment. I'll admit that shortly after our daughter was born I had to go on one- I felt horrible that this was supposed to be the most exciting and inspiring time of my life and I was completely miserable/tired/depressed/confused! I just needed a little something extra to help with the adjustment. In no time I was back on my feet (and shortly after decided to be a SAHD).

I also had the mindset that my son (4 months) was too young to go do anything with but I have gradually realized that I need to get out and do stuff. I have started going for walks and taking him with me to work out. There are some parks nearby that I need to go to before the summer 100's kick in. I have heard that is also a way to meet other parents and possibly get a play group together or invited to one. I have not found any Dad playgroups yet and may have to start one or go to Mom groups. As far as the In-laws go they have thought I was a bum from day one. It has never mattered where I worked or what I did. My wife told me that I never had a chance from the get go. I just accept it now and don't let it bug me like it used to. My father-in-law is a retired Army colonel so he is set in his ways to say the least. They have no clue how much money my wife makes. Not wanting our son in daycare was the main reason for me staying at home but when your wife makes almost five times what you make...we did not need to get out the calculator. Another thing I try to remember is that my wife and I are comfortable with our decision and that's all that matters. Stay strong brother!

found this site this morning and it feels great. its like a 12 step meeting. I'll just keep coming back

Writing used to be a very isolating endeavor. But I was in a serious depressed funk about a month ago and I just started writing and writing, and sharing what I was writing with total strangers. Writing in a blog makes writing a very social enterprise.

I'm not saying you'll find some deep friendships or anything if you start writing. But it helps to share things, and it's a way to feel less isolated in those times when you are alone with your thoughts during nap time.

It's a hobby that doesn't require anything you don't already have.

But definitely get your ass outside for a couple of hours every damned day. Get a backpack, stick your kid in it, and go walking around your town.

http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com

I always felt this was the hardest part of being an at home dad. Most men identify themselves with their work. If you dont believe me, think about the usual first question asked when us guys first talk. (What do you do for a living?). That being said, it is time to realize you are more then a job. Everything that was said above is great advice. Just try to take your mind off it. And get out and do stuff. I went through the feeling of identity loss thing when I first started staying home, getting out and taking my daughter for a walk was great therapy. After a few months, who you "are" will take on a new meaning, with more important roles. Number one being your child's first hero(role model). Being an at home dad isnt easy. Besides the amount physical work there is also alot of emotional stresses that come with it. Try not to take to much what people think and say to heart. Most don't know or understand. I have seen about every side of this one. From "I don't know how you do what you do" to "the lazy bum" scenario. Just blow it off as to someone who doesnt know what it is like to walk a step in your shoes.
Since as at home dads we are a minority, I do definatly reccommend coming to this webpage to connect with other A.H.D Try to get involved the conversations, I wish I would of sooner.

Sorry to hear about unwated external stressors to an already stressful job. There is a reason that women started a movement to get them out of having to be a Mom. It hasn't worked all the way as wanting to be home and be a dad isn't as accepted as one would think. Many men feel it unmasculine somehow. I can't tell you why but men have scoffed at me and I've been called "faggot," on more than one occasion. I don't know why playing with my daughter at a playground is worthy of being called a "faggot," but there are many things I have encounterd as an At Home Dad I haven't a clue about.

There is a lot of good advice here. a playground is the best place to start. I live in New York City so I have lots of choices but not everyone does. I also host a playgroup but that is tireing haveing people over and wathing my daughter at thesame time. But, it gets me cred as a commited father and member of the comunity.

Be Seeing You.

Hi,
I know from my personal experience that the first half year to about three-quarters is a very difficult time (for both men and women) being at home. It's gets better in so many ways. If you're like me, we're pretty lucky to have help when our spouses come home. I had a routine established when the boys were very young and they had somewhere to go everyday of the week, i.e., parks, storytimes, beaches, malls and plazas. It keeps things fresh, you get to be a regular at certain places and that's always good for support.

Be strong...

Your post really hit a nerve with me. My wife's a nurse and works 4 12 hour shifts (9a to 9p) then works two 8 hour days at a local clinic. Even if we wanted to, we can rarely schedule dates and so on. But TickTock is on spot with everything. I really started to tank a couple of months or so after I quit my job and stayed home. I didn't realize how much I missed just driving to work...how quiet it was and how much I used to think about things. Somewhere along the way, I started reaching out to people and I eventually found a sweet spot. It's a long road, though. You really need to keep thinking forward...don't regress and think back. And, why should you? You really are in a unique place in your life...heck, what you do for your kids is unique historically speaking.

But, I have to say this: there's something about staying home "bell to bell" with your kids...hitting 5pm or so...my nerves really start to fray. I have a 1yo and a 2.5 yo...enough said. Not having help makes it extremely difficult to ever find some relaxation. I'm digressing but I understand your predicament.

So, I'm not going to repeat the good advice...just hang in there and stay focused on the value your provide to your kids. The ancillary people aren't important in this way...you're not raising them to be good people.

Great advice, my man!

and the other things that the guys have added I would've mentioned as well. JPod is right, if you can make it to the At Home Dad's Convention, I highly recommend it too. I went when my first child was just four months old (almost 8 years ago) and learned about how to deal with the issues you are currently facing. I met some great people, some who became my best friends. I learned a lot about myself and who I am as a father. Shared some laughs and heard some great stories.

If you want to pick up a good book on the subject, I'd recommend Peter Baylies' The Stay-At-Home Dad Handbook.

Good luck, and remember: You are in good company. We've either been through it or are still there and know we can come to athomedad.org and find some great advice and some good laughs. We may be scattered across the country (and in Canada and even beyond), but you'll find a pretty tight knit group here.

I wish you well!

Brian

to say that the typical male's identity has a lot to do with his job is an understatement. i've gotten into many a conversation, unusually heated, when trying to make that point and have often used that same example: what's the first thing out of a guy's mouth when he meets somebody? "So, what do you do for a living?"

i battle with this exact thing as my fulltime SAHD status looms in the coming weeks. right now wifey is home, i'm wrapping up as much as possible before taking leave and figuring out what i want to do. the main problem that has developed for me is this: i started my own business and have worked very hard on it for 10 years, the past 5 being a full time effort. i planned on reaching a point where the business was successful enough to "take a back seat" and welcome a position as a SAHD. sounded great. well the baby came in March and my business basically never worked out. there were several close calls along the way and more than enough glimmers of hope to keep me striving to build the business. the past couple of years have been brutal and now the baby is here. so now i'm looking at this business i've "built" .. this career, this job .. as a total waste of time. baby is here and that's my new job .. can't help but say that now and i realize there is plenty of advice to not say it that way. the in-laws have always known me to be building my business but since i never found success they've always thought i was a schlepp and i can deal with that.

the struggle becomes not only the loss of my identity but that i've lost so much time to "live" .. my entire 20's were spent trying to build a career that's basically worthless now. so it's a big struggle and i improve daily with it. and it just ends up sucking quite often because one would hope that this would be the happiest time of your life but yet you're stuck feeling guilty about feeling selfish. its tough, no doubt.

i'm a hugely social person however all my friends are troublemakers. the crowd i desire to hang out with isn't compatible with being a married guy and my wife doesn't enjoy that company for reasons of her own and other very obvious reasons: other singles, specifically ladies. i feel center circle in this group of friends but now "i'm not allowed" because it just creates more and more drama.

loss of identity, loss of friends, loss of career ... these are all things we have dealt with and remain dealing with to this day. however .. at risk of cliche: every time i look into my baby's eyes ......... blah blah blah.

keep that head up Trip6 .. and to the rest of you, and to myself. go out there and kill a hobby! i recently CRUSHED a personal goal of mine for running a half marathon. i set out to finish below 1:50 and beat it by several minutes. find that outlet and rock it.

peace, ya'll