But to say that it seems really common. I felt the same way just a few weeks ago as you can see by the entry on the homepage. I do think that getting out of the house more as the weather has improved has helped me some.

Greg

PVDad, welcome home. :-)
It always seemed easier to me than working, staying home that is. I don’t like to work and I was actually home working as a writer when my wife became pregnant. We were adamant that one of us stay home for our girl and it was natural that it be me. I have been up and down like you – like all of us have, like at home Moms have – about staying home. It’s hard work. It’s constant and sometimes unrewarding work. You thrived in high pressure in an office environment, if I may, because there were challenges that could be overcome and you could feel a pride when a project was done. It isn’t the same with our kids, or running a home. It’s everyday all day and it’s draining. We loose ourselves. We lose what makes US tick and keeps our brain happy and interested. Find a way to do something that makes you feel like you every day or every other day if need be. I read comics. Doesn’t take long and I can “go away” as it was once put for a good 20 mins. The more you stay home the less complicated it gets, I won’t say easier but the more you will know and the more confident you will become. My wife looks at me after 2.5 years and asks, “how do you do this all day?” She smiles but I ask, “How do you go to an ad agency all day?”

Comparing yourself to mom or grandma will make you gray fast. You are you and how YOU do things is just as well. Do it your way. You meet the needs of your family and you are doing a good job no matter how people complain, which they shouldn’t because you are making a home and a loving environment for your kids.

As for the other men in your family, they are giving you an “envy attack.” They know that you now get to see and be with your kids as they grow up. It’s a gift and a blessing. You earn it but it is true. Many men feel incompetent when it comes to fathering. (Just look at “Supper Nanny.”) Many women feel like they should automatically “know” how to be Mom. The thing is it’s all learned. Our feelings are our feelings but how to care for kids? That comes in time. And when they have the courage to go against the grain and hang out with impenetrable Mommy Cliques at the playground they can criticize. You are providing, not monetarily for now, bu,t you are providing love for your kids and your wife. It’s hard being the “rock” of a family but you can do it. You are doing it now. It’s hard to but feel pride that you are being the best Man the best Dad you can be.

Be Seeing You.
Jonathan

I have 1 and 3 year old daughters. I became a SAHD last spring, and I am just now finding my groove. I just recently stopped worrying about what others think about me being home. I think in time you will too. I have also found that many guys are giving "the looks" out of jealousy. I was getting very frustrated with my 3 yo as well, but noticed she was wanting Mommy more and more as I became more agitated with her. I just made up my mind to be more patient with her, which isn't easy at times. Over time, I have learned to communicate on her level, which has helped us both. She now asks for Daddy as much as Mommy again.

My 3 y/o still naps easily, but I agree with a previous comment. Try quiet time in her room. You might find she just lays down and falls asleep. My daughter will play for up to an hour in her room before napping. Either way, it is time to myself.

I never had any major "blues", but I always made sure we got out of the house. It really passes the day, and I notice the girls are happier (and nap easier). Here are some simple out of the house favorites that may or may not work for you.

1. Stroll around the local mall (lots of Moms and Dads do the same at ours)
2. Go to the park
3. Grocery shopping (my girls love it)
4. Go to the Grandparents house (this even gives you somewhat of a break)
5. We have a local Children's museum and a Zoo.
6. Enroll kids in YMCA classes (They usually have daycare by the hour for the little one, while you go to class with the 3 y/o).
7. Check out your own backyard. Chalk writing on the sidewalk keeps my girls busy for at least an hour.

I would suggest you and your wife try and get a sitter on a regular basis. Maybe have a standing date night. When my wife and I did this, it really rekindled the fire. Sounds like your wife is working a lot, but don't forget, SO ARE YOU! Just make it a priority, where you both get some time together. Keep in mind, she may also be stressed from being away from the kids. It took my wife some time to adjust to this as well. There was some guilt on her part about leaving them.

Hang in there, and get out of the house as much as possible. You will find your groove too!

Those are all great pieces of advice.

My kids are also 3yo and 1yo. I've definitely felt blue at times over the last 3.5 years as an AHD, but moreso in the past 1.5 years with 2 kids. There is very little downtime once you have two kids (or more), and hardly anytime for hobbies.

A couple things I have done to combat the blues:
-Exercise really helps pull me out of a funk. I joined a gym with $1 childcare and just 45 minutes without the kids gives me a break.
-Especially if your wife is working 7 days a week, hire a babysitter to come during the week for a few hours. You deserve a break! I used to do this last year every other Wednesday and it gave me a nice mental break.

Good luck!
Jim

Just wanted to express relief to hear of other's frustrations, and to express appreciation to read all the feedback/comments. I recently decided to stay home after this spring semester after 7 years of teaching. It feels like the right decision as we have a 2/4/6 yr. olds and it was stressing my wife to have to deal with childcare crises (I worked further away than her). She also appreciates that one of us will be home with the girls. As I can easily get stressed out (& angry) with the kids when couped up, so I'm really going to make a point of getting out of the house. I have several parks in the neighborhood as well as many other activities in ATL. I'm going to make an effort to meet other SAHD's in my neighborhood. Mobilizing 3 kids is a whole nother ball of wax solo, so I really need a firm plan to make the effort to get 'em out of the house. Anyways, it's great to have found this site, and make my first post! Matt

Lots of good advice.

I like what Canada Tim said. Stay focused on the kids. Everything else is secondary. It worked for me. However, finding time for myself also helped.

With the wife’s permission I blocked out time to spend with friends to either play tennis, poker, ….. Or I just spent alone time to get reenergized. Even watching movie at a theatre by myself was therapeutic.

I feel that parents need and deserve a break from their kids as much as kids need and deserve a break from their parents. If you wife can’t watch the kids for a few hours, find a neighbor or friend. And don't feel guilty about it.

Don’t try to be Super Dad. My kids will be the first to tell you that I haven’t been the perfect dad but I’ve always been around when they needed me the most.

Nobody’s perfect. Well, maybe my hero, Parrot Head at-home dad Bob Noonan. He’s got what I think is the perfect at-home dad gig.

If you really want to overcome the blues, join us in Sacramento. You deserve a break!

Hogan

If I can chime in, I think it's important to communicate with our spouses about this, especially if their work schedule is making it hard. It's definitely not the stereotype, but women can be workaholics, too. Our wives need to know we need them, not just the money they make.

I Have To Wipe His What?

I can see through this post how conversing on the net with other sahd's can be quite beneficial. Sure, I know plenty of people with kids, but I don't know any guys that stay home to raise them everyday. It's nice to be able to get feedback from people in similiar circumstances. I'm feeling a certain level of pre-baby blues at the moment, so reading everyones storys and advice is somewhat comforting.

I have been a SAHD since my partner and I adopted our son in Sept. 2007. While we had discussed that one of us would be a full-time SAHD, it was quite a shock when the time came to step up to the plate. We brought our son home on a Monday night, so I went from working on Monday to not working on Tuesday. The initial transition was okay since my partner took 12 weeks off for family leave and we had family and friends checking in on us for the first few weeks. As we entered January '08, the weather was not at all inviting for outside play and daddy #2 went back to work. I found myself struck with a case of the blues. I began to question my decision. I began to wonder what was happening to ME. These feelings were not helped by people asking me when I was going back to work, the same people (even family members) who knew our original plans. Of course, there were the few comments from women (older females...please do not take offense anyone, I'm just stating a fact) at the market... "Babysitting, I see," or "double duty today?" One day, I took offense and replied, "Since when is taking care of my baby, 'babysitting?'

In the end, none of this really mattered. The weather cleared, I began to get outdoors more, and I started a mixed-parents (moms, dads, gay, straight, single, partnered/married) group; but more importantly time simply marched on and I grew increasingly comfortable with my role.

Your right, Mike
Not one thing they say matters. What matters is the fact you and your partner are the ones responsible for the up bringing of your child. Good luck with your new life as a parent.

Hi everyone,

This topic really hits home for me too. I have a 3 year old daugher and a 7 month old son. I've been a stay at home dad for almost 2 years. I do help people find homes as a part time real estate agent, but with the market the way it is that's very sporadic. I'm struggling with so many thoughts from things like my poor wife is working so hard and if it wasn't for her we'd be on the streets to thoughts such as am I a loser shouldn't I be the one out working and not her. The thing is with her job she can make almost double as she has a specialized degree. I have a bachelors degree and general skills but not in a specific area.

I get looks all the time in the Boise area. Boise, Idaho is very conservative and has a higher percentage of stay at home mothers than many other mid size metro areas. Mothers look at me all the time but some do smile and think it's "cute" that I'm taking care of my kids by day. It's hard for I miss adult conversation and I comraderie of guy friends to watch sports with and talk about the situation.

I started a new Boise/Treasure Valley area of Idaho SAHD group in hopes that some other dads may want to meet up from time to time. If anyone knows Boise area SAHD please let them know about the new group.

I'm very thankful this group exists and I look forward to learning a lot from other SAHD here.

I became a SAHD when our son was born eight months ago. My wife got postpartum depression almost immediately and I had to do almost everything. She was barely able to work. She started getting better about a month ago, and that's when the blues hit me. I went to one of her appointments with her postpartum therapist and was finally able to let it out. Since then, my wife and I have started communicating about what each of us needs and have come up with solutions to help both of us. One of the things that helped was for each of us to get out by ourselves and do whatever we wanted for a few hours a couple of times per week, even if we needed to hire a sitter. Another was for us to go out together and spend some time with other couples. The main thing we communicated about was that if we did what we needed to take care of ouselves, we'd be better able to take care of the baby. Its definitely helped. Over the last couple of weeks, I've either hired a sitter or left him with grandma for a couple of hours a couple time per week and gone surfing. I've also started going to the gym sometimes while leaving him in the childcare area of the gym. Even an hour of time for me does wonders. And communicating with my wife about what each of us needs has also done wonders.

Tim

TimB: I was going to the gym every morning at 5 or 5:30. After awhile, I got tired of having to get up so early just to have time to myself. My partner suggested getting a babysitter so I could go to the gym and practice martial arts. I felt guilty the first couple of times, though, but I got used to it. I also felt much better when I would come home and see that my son was having a great time with the babysitter.

This is a very crucial time in your relationship. Take it from a guy who is in Marriage Counseling as a result of "the affair". Post partum come back in the form of the wife not feeling live or that she is getting enough attention. What eventually happens is an old flame or a buzzard some type will see the time to move in and fulfill the needs of her "fantasy" world, or take her away from the mundane tell her she is beautiful get the feeling of euphoria that she pre-children and early marriage.

Suggestion: take a long romantic weekend show her that you are there for the two of you and not either individual and don't wait for the disasterous catalyst to start you relationship anew and maybe make it even better.