hey David,,, welcome to the sahd group,, glad you found us. I've been doing this 7 years.
My wife and I seem to come to a pretty good split on jobs,,,,, she realizes i have to mow,,, etc. the typical dad stuff,,, so especially during the summer she does more. One thing,,, I hate to grocery shop,,, but she can stop on the way home from work,,, with out kids in tow,,,and whips it right out,,,,,, and I'm glad to carry them in when she gets here. She gets kids time then,,, i get quit time,,, going to the garage. I'm lucky,, my wife views child care as my #1 job,,,,, house work and other stuff is secondary. We used to have a perfect lawn,,, now,,,,, i fugure, I'm in the business of raising kids,,, not grass,,, it will get better again some day. And as a consilation prize,,, my yard still looks better than the neighbors,,lol.
My 7 yr old still doesn't like to go to sleep. We do story time,, and then cuttles and then carry him in after he's asleep. Not purfect,,, but works for us. Some times I'll lay down with him in his bed. This is an ongoing issue we've discussed with the Dr.,,,,,and they have no perfect or easy answer.
As for bombarding mom when she walks in,,,,, we have a constant reminder that mommy needs to get comfy and sit down,,,, before she can have a good sit with them. But,,,, kids will be kids.
Hope I gave some help.
Best of luck!

1: no advice I am worse off than you
Well hopefully you have better luck with that chore list than I did. My wife appreciates very little that I do. On top of doing all the cleaning with the kids I had all the remodeling to do too. I am now looking for a third shift job because my wife says she loves her job and will not quit and so we do not have to live paycheck to paycheck. She has taken a new position that was supposed to pay much more instead she works more hours and they took her company car and gas card back. I am doing third shift so that we do not have to stick our kids in daycare. For my wife like others I know staying at home with the kids is not a job so it does not add up to what she does. There fore when our or her friends come over on weekends I get to cook clean and watch the kids then too.

2: Yeah the tough love thing
Well I know with my 3 1/2 year old I had done it he will go to bed when I say so but when my wife is around or she tells him to go to bed there is no way in hell. The problem with my wife's inconsistency, she gets home late then does not want to send them to bed or disapline them and other nights she does. That and a time out is a joke for my oldest son my wife's method of choice on the other hand I came from being spanked myself which is the way I go. I to date have spanked my son only 2 times my wife has pretty much given up on the timeout thing sorry little straying a little. Anyway just be firm and consistent he will get the point and figure out who is boss. I broke the habit with my first son and started early with my second son.

3: This is where I feel a little different being the one who works you get cigarette breaks, coffee breaks, lunch breaks, peaceful car rides, and adults to interact with. I can not even take a crap in peace and up until recently my head at the end of the day felt like it was going to explode. If my kids want to bombard my wife I let them it gives me time to finish dinner or do cleaning without the kids. If it was a really hard day or she does not feel well then I take them and she goes in the other room We deserve a break as much as them but I feel it is just part of being a parent breaks are rare.

Tom the poo master
www.pooplatter.com

Chores are a tough one. I will go along with the making a list part and dividing it up somehow. It might be awkward at first, and you might think that you're failing because you can't handle it all and are asking for help, but she may not realize all the work you do, and the time it takes to do it. I know it was a surprise to my wife when I listed some of the stuff out. For instance, she didn't realize that I actually got a bucket of water and murphys soap out and literally wiped down almost every horizontal surface in the house every week. I found that was the easiest way to dust. She figured I went around with my little feather duster for 10 min and that was it. Then I took her in an extra room of ours, that I never really touch, and wiped my finger across the door frame, ewww, then went to our bedroom and did it. She said she never would even think of cleaning things like that, so she was impressed.

I would make a list that makes you look good :) For instance, itemize every little thing you do, and group together the things you want her to do...hehe. For instance, I'd list out dusting each room as a separate item, and putting in there door frames, base moulding, wiping down sinks, etc. Then when you go over the list with her, you start putting check marks by all the stuff you do....then just take a couple more time consuming things, and put them on her list...lol. It makes you look good. So, I might have 10 items listed, that take me 2 hours to do, but just list mowing the lawn on her list, which might take 2 hours. So, it looks like I have 10 things, and she just has that one tiny little thing....what she doesn't know won't hurt her!!

Thanks for the responses. I'm willing to give anything a try relative to bedtime. The problem is that he usually ends up putting me to sleep.....He's scared of everything, so he says. I can put him back in bed all night or until I'm out but it doesn't seem to work. I can lay with him and then I fall asleep. If I quietly get up in the middle of the night, he here's me and we start the whole process over again. He is apparently a VERY light sleeper. His two year old brother is a great sleeper, but it's probably only a matter of time before he starts catching on and following his brother's ways, just for the attention.....

As one of you said is the case with you, my wife definitely believes that our kids should be the primary focus while I'm at home. Housework is not important.....While I somewhat agree with that, I must admit that I'm a bit compulsive and like things to be a certain way. Plus, bills have to be paid, lawns mowed, meals cooked, shopping done, dishes cleaned, etc. I think she's shut down on anything other than the kids as she knows that I like things done my way......The longer I'm home with the kids, the less compulsive I become which is probably a good thing. I think my biggest pet peeve is when I come home after my wife and kids have been home together and somehow the house is all of a sudden trashed. It's somewhat easy to keep the house picked up, but when I'm gone for a day and come home, I feel a bit out of control as there will be crumbs on the floor, toys everywhere, dirty clothes, everywhere, etc. Again, just my OCD kicking in, I'm sure. However, it seems when I drop in to other people's houses, things are always in order and clean.......

Thanks again!! All this being said, I do have a great wife who has a very stressful job. So, the fact that she's a good MOM should be enough for me....She doesn't have the time or the energy for chores too!