Hey I was just wondering how many guys here have a wife who completely turns sex off when pregnant? My wife just shuts down and doesn't have the want that she would normally have. Then after the pregnancy is over and she is rearing to go, she wonders why I am Quick-Draw McGraw for a few weeks.
Anyone else have this problem?
But it happens. Porn and toys help.
-Will
gamingwithbaby.com | all your diapers are belong to us
my flickr
BRING BACK THE IRRELEVANCE!!!!
My wife was the same way during her pregnancy and after the birth of our twins. It continues to this day that she is some what turned off by everything in regards to any sort of intimate relation. Not sure what all that I have done wrong or if it is all my fault however, it is a rather sad state that I live within. I go months at a time without any connection to the wife what so ever and usually if she is kind enough, it only lasts a couple of minutes.
When my wife was pregnant, everything was fine until she got depressed and became uninterested in sex after her father died when she was six months pregnant. Then after our son's birth, she immediately got postpartum depression and wasn't interested until she found the right psychologist and psychiatrist and they got the depression under control. It seemed like forever and I can sympathize with you. My wife and I have been married a long time so as far as Quick-Draw McGraw goes, she knows that if we're doing it more often, it lasts longer so I don't worry about it and just make sure that she's taken care of.
It's a difficult situation for both parties. The best thing to do is bite the bullet and sit down with your wife and talk about it. She might just need a little reasurance that she's still attractive. It can't hurt to just come right out and ask.
Proud to be an ADHD-SAHD
It seems like I am asking all the time, but it just makes me feel like I am begging for it and in my mind a Husband should never have to beg for sex from his wife. I did enough begging for sex when I was a teenager. She just says that she is not interested at the time and somewhat not attracted to me. She had never suggested for me to DIY, but it seems like this pregnancy that's what she would rather me do.
After our second child, my wifes interest doesn't seem to have returned. my childs now 4,,,, I actually think it should be a separate thread,,, but have already seen chitown mans problem and mine discussed. The wife is too tired after working. I thought I'd be beyond the DIY,,,, at this point in my life,,,lol.
Best of luck,,,, but communication is the key,,,, even if she suggests DIY,,,,,,,at least for now.
For what it's worth,,,
Like I said, I had the opposite problem with the last pregnancy. But if she tells you DIY, then here's what you do.
1. Download some "pregnancy porn"
2. Or find one that has someone that looks very similar to your wife.
3. "Accidentaly" leave it where your wife will see it
4. This might show her how beautiful you still think she is
Proud to be an ADHD-SAHD
When a woman is pregnant her hormone levels go UP. If she is not wanting to have sex AT ALL, you should honestly have her see her Dr. about it. There could be a hormonal problem caused by the pregnancy which can be serious. Hormone imbalances can be VERY serious after pregnancy. During... there's not much you can do, but afterwards make sure she's checked out. Hormone imbalances can cause extreme weight gain, irritabilty, trigger early menopause, and can even cause kidney problems. So beyond the sex drive... let her know that she should make sure because of health issues.
Proud to be an ADHD-SAHD
Consider these early symptoms of pregnancy, which may begin in the first few weeks after conception.Tender swollen breasts
Fatigue
Nausea with or without vomiting
Food aversions
Headaches
Constipation
Faintness and dizziness
I know that stuff wouldn't put a damper on the average guy's willingness, but women are a different creature.....
Cdn Tim
Yeah that would be a good idea if she wasn't totally against Porn to begin with. She thinks that it is disgusting and she always says, "What if that was your daughter?" So Porn is completely out of the question. She wouldn't even watch it with me even if she let me watch it. She rarely even talks dirty during sex. I just hope that this will eventually pass.
My wife was insatiable for the first three months of pregnancy, but then it totally dropped off; most likely due to the 2nd and 3rd trimesters being a case of ongoing nausea.
So far the post-pregnancy sex has been completely non-existent since our daughter was born four months ago. I'm not sure exactly what to attribute it to. My wife isn't depressed, but I think it has more to do with being 'too busy' and maybe she is having a difficult time separating the 'mother' from the 'wife' in her mind.
Her aversion reminds me of when she was in pharmacy school. When we were first dating there was plenty to be had, but then when she was in a constant state of stress with school she completely shut down the intimate part of her self and it took a few years afterwards before she opened up again.
Whatever the case may be, I don't know if women realize how difficult it is for us men. It's more than just not getting our primal desires filled; it goes a bit deeper when the woman you have loved for all these years suddenly seems to be turned off by you. That really hurts.
Rich C. : Novice baby wrangler and cat herder.
http://one-sahd-dude.blogspot.com/
http://good-eats-fan.blogspot.com/
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I completely agree with you Rich. There is more to it than just the man's desire to have the need for sex. It is the feeling of not being wanted. Being told by the woman, that you are constantly attracted to, that she just is not interested in you that way right now really sucks. She might as well have kicked me in the nuts. It is definitely a blow...and not a good one.
During the first pregnancy things were great, but the second one things were terrible. My wife was very sick, so it was totally understandable. Needless to say, I was patient for 6 months after the birth of our second child, but things did not get any better even though she was no longer sick from pregnancy. I did ask her about it, and she said she just did not feel sexy due to she hadn't lost the weight yet. It is now 18 months since the birth of our second child, and I am lucky if it is twice a month.
To compound it, I don't even try anymore, because the rejection is no longer worth the it. She hasn't even asked why I no longer try. The two times a month are usually the 2 times she feels like it. Beggers can't be choosers, so regardless of my mood, I conceed of course.
I feel your pain. No solution here, but I have read that some women can take years to get out of the funk.
I feel your pain. No solution here either, however from from reading some of the above post....wow...the sister..DEATH for sure on that one..Good ideal But DEATH I say!!!! I have gone through the same, when my wife was prego with our twins....NOTHING...she did a total 180 about sex, Yes a good DOCTOR did help with the major depression that she went through during and after...it got WAY BAD. She did realize that I was getting left out about in that area, she was very kind enough to help out from time to time, even giving all the "moods" that she was going through, yes lots of DIY..... Don't worry to much it does come back, our sex life took about 6-8 months to come to a normal thing again. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
Chris
PROUD DAD OF JOSH 11, NICK 5, EVAN & ISAAC! (twins 9 months)
Just Keep smiling, They will wonder what you are up to!!!
ok....maybe the sister thing was a little over the top........maybe you could try her best friend....you know, every guy that i know has a crush on one of his wives best friends.....so explain to the friend that you don't want to pressure your wife because you love her sooooo much, but you have needs that really need to be met.....hopefully your wife's friend will offer her services since you are only doing it to not pressure your wife........again, let me know how it goes...
smacmartin Damn man can you say divorce unless your wife is okay with that kinda thing thats some wicked bad advice. Also it is not solving the problem. You are still married to your wife. How was her sex drive before the pregnancy? Some people are have very different libidos before your throw the pregnancy in and it becomes really hard. I think some of the biggest things is sometimes you tend to wonder why she's not wanting sex as much or if she were to possibly be cheating on you. The first for us was okay but this second one is much harder. How much does she work? I know unfortunatly that has a lot to do with it with my wife. Shes always tired and pulls about 50+ a week.
When my wife was pregnant she used to jump my bones. Unfortunately, when she's not, I feel like I'm constantly asking (see begging). She enjoys sex, but it seems like most of the time she has some sort of excuse. Such as allergies, to tired from work, back hurts, she has tiny cuts on her "girl"...I know that she would never lie to me (though it does feel like the old "I have a headache"), but even if we have sex, she seems to be in pain, so I don't enjoy it. And to add insult to injury, I'm diabetic, so the wonderful "E.D." comes into play all to often - the drive is there, unfortunately the the car has a flat!
My wife experienced "extreme" pain with sex after our second child. I would like to say the pain was from my endowment, but I since she never had it before it must not be true. She did tell me, but she was reluctant. For the first year and a half she rarely wanted sex due to the pain. It was only recently that it has subsided, but she still has nights it is just not right. I can only suggest lots of lube and communication. I have to admit, I was totally confused for over a year as to why she lost interest. It was only through multiple communications that we understood each other. Her reasons may be true, but there may be an underlying reason that has nothing to do with you.
My wife and I had a pretty regular sex life prior to her pregnancy. During her pregnancy we somewhat continued but with a little tapering off. Now, three months later, our sex life is pretty much non-existent. Her OB/GYN gave her the all clear during the six week follow-up visit and we've had sex just once since then. I am still attracted to her and think that she is very sexy but for some reason she does not feel attractive anymore. Between the lactating breasts and other body changes she's experienced she feels that she is no longer the woman that I want to be with. I tell her that is not true. In fact, I want her more now than I did when we were first dating. She knows that I have a huge fetish for pregnant women (I think that they are super sexy) and I had a difficult time keeping my hands off her during the pregnancy. She has lost all of the weight she gained during the pregnancy plus a few extra pounds and she has extra curves that she didn't have before. I am very attracted to her but for some reason her brain is convincing her that she is no longer attractive or appealing. Convincing her that I find her beautiful and attractive is not easy. In short, your wife may be feeling the same way. Her body is changing on a daily basis and she may not like what she is seeing in the mirror. Be patient and continue to be loving and supportive and sooner or later she'll come back around. It may be longer than you care to wait but if you love her you'll find some way to be patient and put the situation into perspective.
Good luck and best wishes.
During teh pregnancy, she loved it.... and she was very experimental.
Once the baby was born...... It was completely different, we did try at the 5 week mark after birth, it was good and she did enjoy it once we got started.
It really seemed to change once her milk came in.... she was very not interested at all. Funny, now that her milk is starting to slow, she is actaully interested again at times.
An interesting connection that is already very well documented.
Me and my wife only been married for 6mo but together for 10yrs since the 10th grade and she is currently 12weeks preg. Once she got preg we prob had sex 4 times total. When we were not married we had sex 5x's a week. When we got married (excluding the honeymoon) our sex started to slow down. She started always being too tired or she would always say later which lead to never or had a bad back or had a headache. Then when she got preg the sex got murdered by some unnamed assailant. I know she's pregnant and I've read that a women's sex drive will either stop completely or the exact opposite will occur and she will become a sex fiend due to all the new hormones. My wife seemed to take the latter even though it seemed to die slow b4 the preg. I ask and I hate that I have to beg "MY WIFE" (not a girl I'm dating or girlfriend) for sex like it's a chore for her. And if she does give in its like I'm raping her due to her not being into it. I know she is pregnant so I even just asked her for a hand job but she treats that like im her boss and I told her she had to work overtime 15 min before she is off, I mean there shouldn't be no excuse for that right? And she is or was an absolute pro at head and which she slowed on too but is completely understandable with her nausea and extra sensitive gag. I mean I tell her she is beautiful everyday and that she is sexy and I'm extremely lucky to have her and I really mean it and not just saying that to get extra brownies. She is a bias 10 and an unbiased 9 so I have no reason to. I'm only 25 and I've read others stories and I'm afraid that this is the beginning to the the end. I love my wife and I am just hoping that this won't be a tale of things to come already at a young age at only 6 mo of marriage.
Joined: 2008-07-01
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