I have been divorced 2 times by the same women, we were married , she had a 6 month old from other marriage. we had 4 children, she divorced me, got pregent, married him, divorced him, married me again had that child. we had 2 more children. 8 in all. I have raised them all. Been divorced now for 5 years. mom left, returned after two years, let nanny go. mom lives at the house, has boy freind in other town, they were to get married, she lives here because i work away at sea for 4 weeks at a time. last trip was 13 weeks. it seems that things will keep working, but mom has been getting very upset with being here again. some times it seems that i should just hire a nanny again, and have her leave. I thought it was important for her to be with the girls. but last night the little one (9) said that mom said "we cant talk about it" i could tell by phone call that daughter was upset. maybe mom is going through men on pause>
is it worth it?
Not to be indelicate, but are you insane? You two are enabling the hell out of one another and the kids are the ones getting screwed.
Your 2X ex is living in your house, caring for your 6 kids with her and her 2 kids from other men while she dates another man in a different town and this is because you work away from home for weeks at a time and think she should help raise the kids?
Kick her out. Hire a nanny or make her care for the kids at HER place while you are away. Get a good custody lawyer, go to court and get the arrangement approved by a judge. Get a vasectomy. Sack up and tell her no for once. They are your kids too, raise them however you can, but quit giving this woman whatever she wants due to your job situation being less than ideal.
Sorry to be so brutal here, but think of what your kids are going through with all this. What are you teaching them about relationships?
Making it look difficult. Living the dream.
I have been thinking that way all ready, i do have costody, only three are home now. The question about what am i teaching them about relationship is great. I sure do not want them to think it is good to be enabling. I overlooked the long term lessons. mostly doing it for the girls to be with there mom. Thanks for the insight.
It doesn't hurt nearly as much as thinking about it hurts. I can see needing 8 kids to work the fields if, God-forbid, you loose some to cholera, but I'm guessing that if you have internet access, you are not, in fact a visitor from the 19th century.
That Homeschooling Dad
Homeschool Hut
Speaking for myself only, I give advice based on what have been my experiences either personally or from friends I knew well. So, I always wonder what happens AFTER I open my big mouth to throw in my two cents. Hopefully my thoughts help, but I've been wrong often enough to know that it's gonna happen again, so hopefully it doesn't happen to you. You came here looking for some straight answers from a semi-objective group and I hope that the support you got wasn't just tough love, but also useful in improving your situation.
Please let us know how things go and come back as often as you can. What makes this sight so great is the constant influx of new people with new perspectives, so welcome and good luck.
Making it look difficult. Living the dream.
Hello, alybonfloats: thanks for the point of view. I welcome the other point of view. i only have two eyes. need glasses too. LOL. perhaps i did not post the correct information. i am trying to meet this situation in a win win moment. I was given a quite claim deed to the house and custody of the girls. their mother is just waiting her man to buy a house. we live out a bit, not a lot of homes.... excuses and more. but the girls enjoy having there mom instead of the nanny we did have. even when i am home i work a second job and need child care. so for now all seems to be working. But the idea of setting an example of how a healthy relationship would be? well that was an eye opener. I am looking at how to correct that. any way thank you for the kind words to a tender subject. I wish to do no harm to the girls or their mother. I am a sailor and this is what most of us have to deal with. finding some one to have a relationship with when i am gone so much is the normal. and most just dont see it happening. but i really dont have the intrest in the other weomen at all. burned twice. happy hoildays.
Joined: 2008-11-05
Dad Points: 10