if you could, but it's clear that you can't. Ok, sure, you COULD, but that's a "could" with a whole lot of "if we did this and took care of that then maybe we could swing it" kind of could.

That said, I do think that you need to go sometime soon. It's one thing to say, "Mom, dad, we have neither the time nor the ability to pick up everyone right now and come visit for a couple of days," but it's a whole other thing to say, "And I can't come by myself either." It'll cost you, in time away from your family and money, but you've got to do it -- for them and for you. Even a quick trip -- arrive late afternoon one day, leave 36 hours later -- I think this is reasonable.

Now, it's December 5th -- perhaps a bit too late for a late December trip (although you could try priceline if the precise time of departure wasn't an issue). Perhaps you can arrange something in early January. Go hug your mom and dad -- it will do wonders for them.

For a different tact, think about telling them how much it would mean if they would take your sis's offer and fly out to your place. Tell them you're setting them up a nice space (kick whatever kid you've got to out of their room!). Talk to your kids about how this might be "it" -- the last visit they'll ever have with active, aware, "with it" grandparents (please, don't hate me -- I'm not trying to be dark or anything). Make this the visit of a lifetime for them.

FWIW, you don't sound like a whiner at all. You sound like a wonderful parent who has a big family to manage. It's clear you love your parents. In the end, YOU are their son. Grandchildren are great and I'm sure they love them, but if you could go to them for all of a couple of days and hug them and love them . . . of course, they could ask more of you, but they shouldn't. A visit from their son should (and my guess WILL) be enough.

We too have 3 kids and a pet, so travel is a big deal. We moved away from my mom, where I grew up. My MIL & FIL moved to where we are, because my SIL and family are here too. So, on that side, we don't have travel pressure (any more). From the beginning of our relationship though, we have always had to travel somewhere to see family. This year, we leave for the 2 day drive, stay a while, and drive back home. This to see 'my side' during the holidays. Bottom line, I just keep reminding myself that the kids really do love this. If I let myself stop stressing, so do I. Sure, it is a hassle and takes a bit of planning, but so does getting them out the door for school some days, no?

All that said, I agree with AMR, maybe a quick trip of just you might solve a lot of problems. You could use the opportunity to let them know just how much it took to make it happen. But, if you just can't swing it now, tell them you'll try soon, when things get a little better financially.

Jim
Boulder, CO
Dad to Cole, Luke & Trev

P.S. - The guilt can get pretty heavy from my mom sometimes...

Seeing family should always be an occasion, one shouldn't, or doesn't need the occasion of the end of the year celebrations to see family. My wife's family recently lost the first member of their generation. (They are Boomers) and vowed at his funeral (emphysema) to stay in touch and see each other more. So far so good. It took the pressure off the Holidays and everyone his more relaxed. AS my wife jokes, "we have 8 full days no one is that lazy."

This isn't always easy. My parents - both in their 70's - can't get to B'klyn as once they did so we have to schlep the 3 hours to them. It's nice in CT but it boars the pants off me and my sister and I are in the middle of a vendetta so the guilt trip there is much different.

I make the effort to see my family as much as I can but it's easier to do so at different times of the year. When planning Xmas etc. it's always good to keep that in mind.

Be Seeing You.
Jon