Our decision was not based entirely on money.  I was working full-time (teaching high school) and my wife was teaching night classes at the community college.  She loved her part-time job and I hated my full-time job.  When the community college offered her a full-time position, the choice of what to do was very easy to make.  The fact that her new job paid as much as we were both making before just made the decision that much easier.  At the time our youngest was only 8 months and I know my wife would have preferred to have stayed home longer, but she had to take the opportunity when it was available.  We've never regretted the decision.  She loves her job, and I love being the one at home.  Now we sometimes wonder why we didn't do it sooner.  (I've been the one at home for 2 years now.)

Sure. our decision was financial, but really the deciding factor was personality.  I am much more suited for this work than she, and she can earn more than me (by far).  So, I'm not sure if that fits your criteria, but the money part was really just bonus.  We decided before our first was even conceived, and I'm in my 8th year.  I should point out this is my only job, so my stresses are that much lower because I don't have a 'side gig'.

Jim - Boulder, CO - Dad to Cole, Luke & Trev

Plus shes better at bringing in the dough.....So it wasn't a money thing...More like a who would be better at raising our kids.

Chef Kev

I like a lot of you guys am far out earned by my wife... including benefits.  But now having been home a year and 1/2 I think it really makes the most sense for me to be home.  I can still work from home PT doing my side gig, she still likes going to work, and I think we are equally suited for the baby raising.  Plus it's much easier for me to get away on nights and weekends too.

Tina worked as a teacher and I owned a business.  Our income was equal but we had high hopes that my business would eventually be very lucrative in a few years.  It was very difficult for me to give up my dream of creating a wallpaper empire but becoming the at-home parent just felt like the right decision.  Tina had the benefits and job security with tenure as a teacher so it was an easy choice.  

The major factor, however, in our decision was that I had a better personality for being home with the kids.  And neither of us thought that Tina had an advantage over me just because she was a woman.  And it didn't take long for me to prove that we had made the correct choice.   

What can I say. I was good at it.  I think a large part of the reason was because I really, really....enjoyed and loved being the at-home parent.  I was having too much fun!  

The initial plan was for me to stay home for three years until our youngest at the time, Wesley, entered elementary school.... thinking that I would have extra time to get a job and supplement our income...Hah!  

In 1993, Tina and I extended my at-home dad contract by having a third child, Matt. 

When Matt entered elementary school, Grant, our oldest, had entered middle school and I realized that our boys needed me at home more during their teenage years then they did when they were babies.  So Tina and I made a commitment for me to stay home until Matt finished high school. 

I have two and a half years left on my contract before I hit the empty nest stage.  And I’m already going through separation anxiety. 

I’m going on my 19th year and being an at-home dad has been the most fulfilling career I’ve ever had.  

With respect to the money issue, I decided that I can always make more money but I can never make up the time I didn’t spend with my kids. 

Enjoy and have fun while you can guys. 

Keep On Daddying!

When we found out my wife was pregnant the first time, I was burnt out, depressed, and needed a huge break from corporate america.  My wife made more money than I did, she likes working, and I have a better temperment with the kids.  We thought I would stay home "temporarily", which meant we would figure it out later.  Then the kids just kept coming, four in all, and here I am today.  Then there was the issue of working to pay for daycare in which someone else raises our children, gets to experience the joy of our kids, and we don't.  I have found this to be a common reason for men staying home.  Why put up with the work crap, commute, drop off in the morning, pick up at night, be so tired that you don't pay much attention to the kids, then get up and do it all over again?  We are the real dads, real men because we didn't go to work, act tough, make the money, and settle for daycare.  We actually went the opposite direction.  A great example of responsibility, priorities, and leadership.

Charlie

Thepfam5@verizon.net

Andy M.,  you said a lot of the same things I am feeling and thinking, with 9 years experience can you impart some wisdom?  

Part of my story: I started taking care of my daughter full-time 3 years ago and now my newborn son.  My wife and I decided that one of us should stay home with the kids, she makes twice what I could and because we felt that it was the best thing for the kids. I'm still trying to cope with some lonliness, a sense of emasculation and a loss of self-confidence.  I'd always been a social, confident and out going person but since I'd taken on this role as "Mommy-Daddy" as my daughter calls me, I have a hard time making new friendships, maintianing the relationships I have or feeling good about what I am doing. I know child rearing is an extremely important job and people tell me that I'm good at it, but again I feel like I'm going through the motions, buying time untill they're older and more independent.  What is compounding these feelings is the dissonance between the way I feel and how I think.  Again, I know that I should be home with my kids, it's got to be much better than some stranger earning minimum wage at a daycare raising them, but I feel trapped and lost.  I'm struggling here and I'm not sure if I can do this much longer. 

Background: We are 37. My wife and i both work. Her salary is a little higher and all our benefits are through her work. We have two kids, 5 and 7.  All of our debt is paid, including house. We can easily live on one income. We are both proffessionals, but she enjoys her work much more than I do..and is much more stable. Problem: Crazy, Busy lifestyle..go..go..go.. Summer and after school daycare issues.(injuries in the past year or so) Questions: We are trying to decide if me staying home would be the best thing. Currently when we get off..we run..run..run, to clean, eat, homework, practice, etc...until we fall down. Weekends are purely for catch up getting ready for the next week.  We dont seem to have much quality time to spend with each other or the kids. We were listing some of the possible benefits of me staying home: -Less rushed mornings...currently she is closer so has to drop off and usually picks up kids from daycare, this would be one thing that i could take off of her load. -Summers are an issue, we are currently leaving them with a good daycare, but with so much time at daycare during the summers, and so many kids, there has been a couple of head injuries over the past year...kids getting too rough, and we are looking at changing daycares. If i stayed home, i could have them for the summers. plus allot less $$$ for daycare -Afternoons are crazy...if i were to pick them up, i could have homework done, supper , yard, etc..and possibly baths, etc.. done before she gets home...so we have more time to spend instead our current schedule. -If i were able to get things done during the week, our weekends would be free to make plans and do things together. -Currently we use our vacation to cover days when both school and daycare is closed during the year, which shortens the amount of vacation time we have to spend together... Well, i guess my question is: all these reasons look good on paper, but do you think that this could work? has is worked for you? We just want to have a more relaxed and order life, instead of the crazy worked to death life we have now. -

Hogan, thanks for the words of encouragement and another perspective.  I was just feeling a little "dark" a few nights ago after getting my ass kicked all day by my 3 yr old daughter.

Thanks again.

I've been a stay at home dad for 5 1/2 years now. we have 2 girls, 5 and 2. My wife made more money than me and for us it was a no brainer. My wife would have much rather stayed at home but she made twice my salary. We also live away from family so we rarely have visitors to help. As a man staying home you get that feeling of isolation esp. at parks, playgroups. I'm in a playgroup that meets once a week with 8 other mom's. I'm the only male. It's odd, you don't know what to talk about most of the time and you don't want to give off any weird vibes. You always hear stories of a lot of men who stay at home but I rarely ever see them out. We go to storytime at the library and they'll be 30 women there and me. The winters are especially difficult being stuck in the house. Our oldest is in Kindergarten so that helps a little since I'm just with one child a day, but my wife tends to work long hours and I do all the house chores. And then there is the decision of what to do when they are both in school full time. What kind of job can  I get or do I just stay at home and manage the house.? Plus I don't have many male friends since the dad's around me go to work and when they are home tend to do family things.

Hi monoamore,

interesting to hear that you in the US have the same problems like I have here in Germany. Society doesn´t accept the role

of SAHD. I think that is themain reason for beeing isolated.

So we should not be caught by society and instead learn to do what is good for our children and ourselfs.

It´s along process (I am working on it for over 9 years :-) but it´s worth it.

Regards

Hans

Men who change diapers change the world

Our reasons for me staying home with the kids  were 1) we didn't want someone elses values (daycare or babysitter) instilled in our daughters development. this was the main reason I started staying home, but not the only one. 2) daycare for twins at the time would have been to much of a financial strain and neither of us was comfortable with that. 3) I was exausted, I was working a 7 - 8 shift, when I got home, my wife would be leaving, I only slept when the girls slept. This might have been 2-3 hours sleep for me in any 24 hour period. We later found out I had sleep apnea which was in part why I was so tired. 4) then can the decision, my wife was making nearly triple what I was so for my health and the stability of out children I was the obvious choice in staying home.

Bob Boisvert SAHD since 2000 with Jennifer & Sarah (11 years) and Grace (8)

I am in a similar situation.  My wife and I moved to Arizona so I could teach, finding a job in Chicago is nearly impossible.  We didn't have a son then, now we do, so to get back to Chicago, cause we do not want to raise our son in Arizona, I might become a sahd.  Time will tell what happens.  She already had a job interview for her old job and should find out soon if she gets it.