I have been the SAHD for my 11 month daughter since she was 2 months old.  Her mom works day shift and I go to work when she gets home (2nd shift).  While I am home with the baby in the day, I cook, clean, mow, feed our pets, snow plow, laundry, etc.  When she comes home, I am lucky if she washes the dishes!  Occasionally she says how she wishes she could be the "stay at home".  I honestly think that the situation is best the way it is.  I KNOW that very little would get done around the house if she did stay at home days.  It will be interesting to hear how the other guys fare in this situation... Is it a guy/girl thing?  I think guys are more practical about what needs to be done to "run a home".  I may be wrong.  BTW, my mom was the "stay at home" when I grew up.  She was great.

I overlooked the challenges my wife, Tina, faced in the role reversal.  One of them was taking on the pressure of being the financial provider.  It was a tough adjustment for her. The way Tina dealt with it was to pressure me to get a job.  Whenever she did, I reminded her how much she would worry about the kids being taken care of by a stranger and the reasons we discussed in making this choice.  I would also crunch the numbers out for her again and point out the cost of the second job and how it didn't make sense for me to go to work.  That being home with the kids was more important.

I was also careful with our budget so as to not put pressure on her to have to make more money.  I really worked hard at cutting our spending down.  It wasn't easy but I did it.  BTW, Tina is a school teacher and we found a way to survive on her salary in southern California.  It can be done.

I also pointed out - what if our child got sick and had to stay home or had to go to the doctor's office, one of us would have to take off work.  How would my or your boss feel about leaving work.  It could jeopardize your or my job.

I constantly told Tina how much I appreciated her choice to be the primary breadwinner and told her that me being home with and for the kids could not have been possible without her dedication to going to work everyday.  She needed to hear that often and I made sure she did.  

Even after nineteen years I thanked Tina again last Wednesday morning before she went off to work.

I bet their are a lot of stay-at-home moms who take what their working husbands for granted and don't thank them enough for being the primary breadwinner.  

Thank your wife for the choices and contributions she's made to make the stay-at-home dad lifestyle work for your family as often as you can.  

Good luck. 

I worked long hours and lots of days to put my wife through college, all the time hearing,when I graduate you wont have to work like this anymore. She took a job in another state, and I don't work like that anymore.....because the job just isn't there. My wife is able to pay the bills, but, the pressure is overwhelming sometimes and I have to remind her how much her working means to our family of 5. I try and tell her daily how much I appreciate her working everyday and I also have to crunch the numbers now and then to show her what taking a job would mean for our family (with the last job offer it would have been about a $20 a week loss and the kids staying with strangers). Just remember to thank her for her efforts, often.

Peer200x

Sounds like we have slightly the same situation.  Slightly I say because I've only read a few of your posts.  Prior to my wife, now 5.5 year old step daughter and myself relocating to another state so she could complete the last phase of her medical education by being in residency I was a Realtor with a great (outstanding in my mind) income for about the previous 3 years.  After relocating the real estate market crashed and I attempted to take my career in a different direction by working for an investor.  I got another Real Estate License in my new state and never lost any money with the investor but after 2 years, never made any money.  In the past 3 years since we moved I've still had income although it was a minimum of 1/4th of what I was making it's at least half of what my wife makes in residency and about equal to what she brings home.  Just prior to relocating we got married and went to Italy for 2 weeks.  Sounds great but we had the money so we enjoyed ourselves.  After the move money stopped coming in the same way but the bills built up faster than the current Oil leak in the Gulf.  I had to make some personal drastic financial decisions that will have a long term effect on me but ultimately it was to protect my family because the debt was tremendous and investment properties were worth 25% of their mortgage.  Now the only thing we have looming over us is a managable mortgage and her student loans that will come due after residency which is more than our mortgage. 

Now we have a beautiful 4 month old girl and a 5.5 year old at home that I care for during the day and when my wife is on call.  Soon residency will be over and my wife wanted to work parttime so she could raise our baby since she was going through medical school with her daughter and wasn't able to do so.  I really wanted her to be able to work parttime but it just wouldn't be the best thing for our family since the student loans are so much.  I know with every fiber of my soul that she would do anything to trade positions with me and I would love to be able to do that for her but trading a steady high income for a commissioned based income is not smart.  I've already told her that when the student loans are paid she can go parttime the next day if she wants to.  Any amount of money I make will also go towards her loans to hopefully pay them in a maximum of 3 years.  Sounds aggressive but Real Estate can be good at times and the potential is there. 

I don't cook much but if I have to it's not a problem.  Do the laundry, wash the dishes, keep the house clean, pay the bills, pick up and drop off for school and take the baby to her work when she has the time so she can breastfeed (bond) and doesn't take the bottle.  I hope she's never able to read this or I'm dead meat.  My mother was a sahm for my sister and I and always kept a clean house and that's the way I like it.  I don't have OCD but I like things to be clean.  I don't think she was ever taught how to keep a clean house and it's really not important to her.  If I ask for her help to pick up she says she doesn't have the time.  If I ask for her help on her day off she says it's her day off and doesn't want to work.  It's our home and I just feel differently about it.  Am I wrong?  I know my mother kept the house clean but I also know how it made my mom feel that my dad didn't help her at all then nor does he now except for the trash and lawn.  I don't ask her to do anything except to pick up after herself.  I'll take care of the rest.  She says if I want something picked up to just pick it up.  Should I just do everything and not ask?  I feel it's disrespectful when I've just cleaned and then she comes right behind me and may make something to eat but not put anything away. 

So now we are approaching the time where she'll start working full time and she's gotten very controlling about the money.  I talk with her about all purchases (not the $5-$10 stuff) and she usually shuts me down before I can get finished.  BUT, she doesn't have a problem spending $20 or more on outfits, getting hair done which is much more than $20 and other things but doesn't ask or tell me anything about it till after it's done.  For the first time just the other day during a heated conversation she said we should get seperate accounts and she would take care of the money.  What's up with that?  She's got a MBA in business is an MD so knowledge wise she's got me trumped but common sense and practical world experience, I've got her beat hands down.  It's just getting my point across that I have a hard time with.

Anyway, Peer200x, how did you and your wife handle things when she started fulltime.  Sounds like you two have a great foundation for which you have built on.  How does someone get back to the bascis?  BTW, we've been through Crown Financial, a program similar to Dave Ramseys Financial Peace University but it's like it went in one ear and out the other.

Congratulations on the Twins.  Our daughter had a twin brother that we lost very early in the pregnancy so now my wife wants to try for a boy in the future.

Get a budget together, figure out what you can afford in terms of trips/vacations. On an annual basis, and stick to it.   On a calendar where it can be seen figure out what your worth per week, month, then year.  Your value is substantial in terms of savings to the family. Run the numbers. Calculate them. How much do you save the family by being a sahd.