I have long wanted to write a book.  I've been doing this for 7.5 years now and have run the gammut from being ostracised at the playground to some moms feeling a bit "too" comfortable around me, if you know what I mean.  I have great foddor for a sorta-first person "life as a stay at home dad" with some great antedoctal stories in there.

The problem is my wife is an excellent writer and editor and I would truly want to work on the book with her, but while doing that, I think it would be more difficult.  Not that she couldn't accecpt what I would want to write or say, but that it would be easier for her to read than to hear and help write, re-write and edit some of the stories.  I don't know.

Funny thing is just the other day I found the title for my book while out for a walk.  It's too great to share here (correct, I don't trust ANY of you!) - but suffice it to say, it's a risk enough title that it would truly grab your attention, probably more than necessary, so much so though that I can't even bring myself to tell my wife what it is...

Long answer short - yeah - I'd love to write a book and think I have enough material for half to 3/4 of one...

PittCaleb

I’ve written and published two books on fatherhood. 

Writing a book is the easy part.   Finding an agent and publisher are the hard part.  Yeah, you can self-publish butmajor bookstores will not let you have shelf space in their stores.  They only accept books from publishing firms.  And publishers will not take on writers without an agent. 

My first  book “The Man Who Would Be Dad” Capital Books, was based on a journal I kept for 8 years as an at-home dad at my wife’s suggestion.   

The second “The Modern Mom’s Guide to Dads; Ten Secrets Your Husband Won’t Tell You” Cumberland House, was written for moms.   I co-authored it with a mom.  Which made it more marketable and appealing to the publisher.   No one had ever tried this angle before.  The original title I had was “Men Behaving Dadly:What Dads Want Moms To Know”  but the publisher didn’t like the title.  I was not happy but their wasn’t much I could do about it. 

Both books were difficult to pitch and close a deal in a good economic market.  In today’s economy it will be harder.   It took five years from the time I came up with the idea to the time the book made it the bookstore.   That is about the average.

Fatherhood is a much more challenge topic to pitch and sell to publishers for various marketing reasons.   Much of it has to do with the real life bias and stigma fathers (not just at-home dads) experience everyday.  

Some Examples: 

Publishers and bookstores based on their research in which 80% of people who buy books are women will not take the same risk on a book about fatherhood that they will on motherhood.  Their contention is that not enough men would buy books on fatherhood to make it profitable.    I think they are missing the boat.  Their general research is not a fair assessment of whether men will or will not buy books on fatherhood because the research includes romance novels and other books men will never buy.  I believe that men will buy and read books on how to be better husbands and fathers. Men can’t buy books on fatherhood if they are not on the shelf.  

Another idiotic response I received was that women spend the money to buy books.  As if to suggest that men won't.  To which I also replied, "There are a lot of working fathers who earn the money so that their stay-at-home wife can buy the book!"  

Fatherhood books don’t receive as much shelf life as motherhood books.   Most books on fatherhood have to be special ordered at the bookstore.

Fatherhood books don’t get equal space in the parenting section. 

Parenting section is inundated with books on motherhood and trying to find a fathering book is a real chore.  What bookstores should do is have a section for dads and one for moms so when men go into the bookstore they can just grab and go.   That’s how men shop. 

Why is it that a man is expected to read books on motherhood but a mom is exempt from reading books on fatherhood?  I know this for a fact because I experienced this with my wife, Tina, and from an exercise that I’ve conducted during my workshops for moms and childbirth instructors.  I ask the moms how many of them expected their husbands to read a book about what a woman goes through as a mom.  They all raise their hands.  Then, I ask how many of them have read a book on fatherhood to learn about what a man goes through as a father.  None of them raise their hand.   And up until I wrote my book which was twelve years after our first son’s birth Tina had never read a book on fatherhood. 

It is my contention that our culture and moms unknowingly and unintentionally do more to discourage than encourage men to be involved dads.   I site many examples of it in “The Modern Mom’s Guide to Dads.”

I also note in my book that the struggles men face in wanting to become more involved in the caretaking responsibilities (working or at-home dad) are similar to that of the women who attempted to break into corporate America and the good ole boys club.

I’m sharing this advice not to discourage any of you but rather to prepare you for the challenges that come with publishing a book and becoming an advocate on fatherhood.   

I think there are plenty of fathers who have great advice and insight to offer and would love to help them get their books published.  Unfortunately, the deck is stacked against you. 

Both books did not do well sales wise, however, money was not the only motivation.   I was driven to write them because I wanted to make a difference.

I made more money from my speaking engagements (which weren't a whole lot) than I did from book sales.  And that has been the case with many other authors I know. 

The biggest tip I can give you is to keep writing because you never know when the next opportunity will come along.   I’ve always believed in the adage “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.   Our culture has not been very receptive to hearing a man’s perspective on fatherhood but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying.   Hopefully, by the time you've finished writing the book proposal our culture will be ready to listen.  

I will be at the convention and would be happy to share my experience and answer more questions in hopes of helping any of you get your book published.    BTW, I donated 25 of “The Modern Mom’s Guide to Dads” books as door prizes for the first-time attendees. 

Keep the faith. 

Make a difference.  One dad at a time. 

Keep On Daddying

Check out "The Stay-At-Home Handbook" by Peter Baylies.  It is a great book that has already used these ideas (except Hogan's).  I'm surprised that there aren't more posts on here about dads wanting to write a book about being an at home dad.  It seemed like the first few years I attended the convention, there were numerous guys that said they were working on a book. 

My neighbor has twins and there is a very active group of families of twins in our area, but to my knowledge, none of the father's are sahds.  If you check the shelves of your local bookstores or on Amazon or wherever, you'll find several books about twins, but most are mom-focused like everything else.

Being the sahd to a set of twins gives you at least a more unique perspective than a regular sahd, but the problem you might encounter is exactly what Hogan mentioned, it may be too narrow a demographic to try and sell to.  Still, it does give you an angle that few others have.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I agree, however, that many books already exist or are in press.  In fact, I was interviewed for a book about SAHD's that is due out in Spring 2009. 

Still I have considered this idea frequently.  What sort of ideas do you have?

I'm really new at being a sahd (in fact, I identify right now as a psychologist who is staying home with his kids more than as a stay at home dad so far), but I'm thinking about writing a book, and I'd love feedback about the idea and also to see if there is any interest in collaborating.  I want to write something that captures the light and dark sides of the emotional experiences of parenting from a father's eye.  It's definitely not a how-to book, but one that will aim at capturing the range of experiences and emotions that fathers can go through (with the hope of normalizing a wide range of experiences).  I've started journaling, pretty much trying to make an entry at least once per day, and I'm trying to be as honest as possible about the successes and failures, the feelings of love and rage and boredom and joy and shame and peace  and ... that can come up each day.  I'm wondering if other people would also want to journal about their experiences (or to contribute from journals that they have written) to then analyze themes that emerge from people's writing.  I don't know what themes will emerge yet, but I'm imagining that there might be themes around identity, sense of competence in the home, dealing with authority and authority conflicts, ways people struggle to be similar to and different from their own parents (and how they learn new models), dealing with mistakes and failures, dealing with triumphs, dealing with not knowing how it's going, reactions to dependency, emotional reactions that surprise us as fathers, etc.

Any thoughts or reactions?

I've kicked around the writing idea... but as a children's book geared toward explaining SAHD's.  Not sure of specifics, other than a catchy title (I too, don't trust any of you).  Based on research and all that's echoed here it's not going to be a capital gain sort of venture.  If anyone is thinking of writing a kid's book (or any book) there is some valuable advice on SoYouWanna.com:
http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/childbook/childbook.html

Talk about a timely forum!

I am a published author with one book on the market and another one due out this summer.  I am currently working on a book about SAHD for Loving Healing Press.  In fact, if you are interested in helping me out, I would really appreciate it.

All I ask is that you let me email you an informational survey on being a SAHD.  If you choose to help me out, I will include a special thank you to you in the book and send you a free copy once it is published.

Send me an email at jaykimtucker@yahoo.com and I will send you the survey.

Thanks,

Jay Tucker

For anyone serious, I would be very interested in collaborating.  My background is mainly in Sociology and working with children aside from being a SAHD for 4 yrs.  I've been seriously considering writing something with an angle or angles very different from what has commonly been published.  I have to run but will check through this topic in full later.  Feel free to contact me by email.

Joe

If we are some sort of a social economic phenomenon, I would love to be on the forefront of the telling.  I absolutely would NOT want to identify my child, to have her endure the same stigma I've had to endure in order to survive.

One size, does NOT fit all when it comes to raising children.  Different children definitely need/respond better to different situations. "Parenthood, the last great frontier."

Definitely be specific.

Arthur Johnson

Actually there's two books coming out early next year about this:

"Daddy Where's Your Vagina" http://daddywheresyourvagina.com/index.html

&

"Sugar Milk: What One Dad Drinks When He Can't Afford Vodka" http://www.sugarmilkbook.com/

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I posted in February that I was thinking of writing a children's book that covered the SAHD topic because I couldn't find any others that did.  Finally got the motivation to go for it.  Thus "Maddi Patti and Her Stay-at-Home Daddy" was born.

I'll try not to make this look too much like an advertisement to promote book sales, but if you'd like to check it out feel free here.

If my advice is worth anything, I'd say to just sit down and do it because anyone can.