Not surprised by the interest in this but how about "ex AHDs who had to go back into the workforce because their partners lost their jobs"

Not surprised by the interest in this but how about "ex AHDs who had to go back into the workforce because their partners lost their jobs"

Yeah, that would be a refreshing new angle on this story.   I'll suggest that when I can.   Maybe some cutting-edge reporter would like to take it up...

P.S.  I can still use some people for this.   I know it may not be the greatest topic, but usually any publicity is good in that it brings some awareness to the AHD community.

You can also direct them to my article on the topic...

http://skepticdad.wordpress.com/2009/03/01/recession-dads-stay-home/

Oooo!  How frickin original!  How about breaking from the pack and looking into dads home by CHOICE?  You'll have to dig more, but hey, isn't that real journalism, or perhaps what it used to be?

That Homeschooling Dad

Tom,

You've been a member here for two years and nine months, and you still don't know that I stay home with the kids by choice?  I don't mean to seem as defensive as you, but the concept of dads staying home due to the economy is clearly topical and, I dare say, original too.  If you weren't talking to me then I'm directing this to the bozo named Tom who made a similar comment on my blog.

Try actually reading the article first.  It's pro-staying home.

http://www.sciencebasedparenting.com

pretty much because they're unemployed.  Not sure where the "lots of other reasons" is going?  It is conceived as a temporary situation for them until they find work.  Their situation does not make them a SAHD.  They are at home, looking for work and helping out more perhaps with kids and home. 

They are either unemployed or a full time SAHD. 

There has to be some distinction, otherwise any full time working dad who takes care of the kids 1-2 days a week while the wife is working could be put in the SAHD catagory as well.  SAHD implies designated primary full time care giver (at least in my book).  A desired family role based in design and choice.  You can look into Psychology and Sociology journals or other sources for the most commonly used definitions, catagories and designations.  Yes, circumstances may lead to a dad being home while looking for work, however, the plan is to return to work, so the taking care of kids bit is only a transitional role.  If the plan is to return to work part-time and manage the kids and house full time, then you have a SAHD.

It can be confusing, perhaps so because there are a variety of personal and social biases, misconceptions and identification issues regards to SAHD's.

Feel free to consider this an interview.

Joe

We've been slammed with requests for dads who have become AHD's becuase of the economy.  Take a look at this piece ABC did;

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=7091613

It ain't good.

Mike Stilwell

I heard a statistic once that when men lose their jobs domestic violence increases sharply.  I believe it.  Thank God my wife does not discourage me.  One time she said out of anger over something insignificant, "Just be a man."  She summed up the sentiment of the ABC piece in four words and what women really feel.  I told her don't ever say that to a man.  It is the one thing that will devastate him and cause major problems.  She understood and didn't do it again.  Unfortunately, many women do feel that way, if not deep down.   It's the way they are wired.  Sad but true. It's like men having to look at an attractive women.  It's just the way we are wired.

Charlie

Thepfam5@verizon.net

I agree that at-home dads have been unfairly slammed and exploited.  But that is because our society still doesn’t get why a man would make the choice to be the at-home parent.  Therefore, the media is constantly looking for angles to justify or explain away the logic of a man as the primary caregiver.

I don’t see that being the case in this article.  As Ticktock noted the article is pro at-home dad lifestyle and involved fathering.

I view the article as a wake up call for acceptance and better understanding of the at-home dad lifestyle.  Yes, for many of us it was a choice, which is great.  However, there are more men (and their spouses) who are sitting on the fence and questioning their ability and confidence to take that leap of faith and need a little shove. 

If the little shove comes in the form of losing a job, so be it.

Sometimes not having a choice can steer a person in a direction they’ve wanted to go in but were afraid to act on.   Maybe for some of these soon to be at-home dads losing a job will be an advantage in the way their relatives, friends, neighbors and strangers accept them.  Why?  Human nature.  People will accept the rationale behind a man losing his job to be home with the kids but not the well thought out choice a man makes.  I know it sounds crazy but that’s the way it is.    

I have had so many people assume that I became an at-home dad because I lost my job.  And after I told them that I chose to be the at-home dad, they still couldn’t believe or accept it.   I’d see them walk away with that “yeah right, Hogan” look on their face. 

Whether by choice or default, the focus shouldn’t be on how you became an at-home dad but rather that you are one.   It’s not how you start.   It’s how you finish. 

Yes, most of us made the choice to be an at-home dad.  But we were influenced by something some one said or did that led us to making the choice.  The same can be said for loss of a job. 

Whether by choice or default, I'm happy to have another at-home dad on board. The more the merrier!

I love the way the article ended because it described the same revelation I had soon after making the choice to be the primary caregiver.

“This recession may last a while. It makes no sense for laid-off fathers to stubbornly keep the kids in daycare when the well of potential jobs are almost bone dry.  They should use this time to focus on the family, to watch their kids grow up, and to raise the bar as a husband.  The cubicle will always be there when the jobs come back.  Who knows?  Maybe they’ll decide to never go back.  That’s OK too.”

Tina and I only planned for me to be the at-home parent for three years.  But after a year I fell in love with being the stay-at-home parent.  One year later I extended my contract by having our third child, Matt. 

I’ve been at it for 19 years and it has been the most gratifying career I’ve had and I don’t want it to end.   Unfortunately, it will in 2011 when our youngest, Matt, graduates high school. 

I also view this article as a wake-up call for the workaholic fathers to spend more time with their kids and wives. 

The greatest benefit I’ve received as an at-home dad is peace of mind in knowing that I will never have to say the following words that I’ve read and heard many fathers utter on their death bed, “I wish I would have spent more time with my kids.” 

Be thankful.

I'm sure there are some men who are now at home due to being laid off and they are probably busy searching for jobs 10 hours a day like I did once upon a time when I was re-entering the workplace after my first stint at home. The problem is, and this is according to our own beloved gov't, that even if these recently unemployed men decide to become stay at home dads, that they ARE NOT considered s@hds until they go a full year without earning ANY INCOME.  That's right gentlemen, according to the US Census Bureau, a stay at home dad is defined as not having worked or earned ANY INCOME from January 1 to December 31 of any given year, which is why the number of s@hds from the 2006 survey was so low at only 159,000 s@hds.  So even earning unemployment, obvious proof of your non-working status, you are still earning money, so therefore not technically a s@hd. Yeah, I know it's ridiculous, but given the source, are you really surprised?

Chances are the majority of these men will not be sticking around at home to become s@hds anyway, so I fail to see the relevancy. Newsweek has already passed judgment on these men as being lazy and just goofing off, so why do we care what these temporary never-gonna-be's think about what we have all CHOSEN to do?  Painting these men as the future of s@hds is ludicrous at best. What do they know about being a s@hd? They've been doing this for 5 minutes.  I'm sorry they lost their jobs, but asking them how they like being a s@hd is like asking a newlywed how the married life is treating them at the reception. How in the heck would they know?

It's just another attempt to make money in this down economy by sheddding some light on one possible positive outcome/side effect of layoffs. I applaud their attempts at creative spin doctoring, but portraying these newbies as experts has a greater chance of destroying what little credibility we already have than it does of adding value to the job we have and our reputation.  As a 6+ year veteran of this job, I want to believe this could be a good thing, but I'm way too cynical to think that these men are going to be portrayed as anything other than bumbling incompetents who mean well, but really don't have a clue about how to run a household.  I wish I could believe otherwise, but like I said, I've been doing this too long and I know better.  Just look at what Newsweek (http://www.newsweek.com/id/185854) said when they had the chance to be positive about our role.  One look at the cartoon topping the page tells you all you need to know about what they really think of suddenly unemployed men.  Apparently, given the choice, we will sit around doing nothing is what the article is selling.  I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'd be lying if I did. Sure, WE know the truth, but we aren't the ones talking about it. Sadly, but worse still, predictably, given the chance to put a positive spin on things, Newsweek and others are "selling the sleaze" and only going after the negative. Like we need more of that these days.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Year of the Yummy Daddy Irish Times
Nothing new here just the spin on AHDs from Ireland where boom has turned to bust in spectacular fashion

"Yummy Mummy vs Yummy Daddy

The so-called Yummy Mummy was a product of boom times. Her replacement in these lean times is an altogether different and more frugal animal. Spot the difference.

Mode of transport
Yummy Mummy – 4x4
Yummy Daddy – Walks everywhere

Consuming passions
Yummy Mummy – Shopping
Yummy Daddy – Organic farmers’ market"

etc...

My husband stays at home with our 2yr. daughter, it's partially due to the economy, and partially because he's better suited for the job.

I want to comment on the abc spot about this.  That women is a discrace as far as i'm concerned; it is unbeleivable to say you have lost respect for your husband because he stays home.

I personally have gained an unbelievable amount of respect for my husband.  He does a WONDERFUL job taking care of Myah, and it has made him a more attentive husband; our relationship has never been better.  I can go to work and not have to think twice about the quality of care my daughter is getting.  I don't have to wonder if she's getting enough attention, or being abused in any way.

To all of you men out there who are staying home to take care of the kids, I applaud you, if more families were like that we wouldn't have most of the issues we have now.  Our kids need a parent home with them, it doesn't matter which one.

We do not have internet at home, so hubby does not have access to forums such as this, I took it upon myself to seek it out.  when I go home,  I will tell him about this, and he will have me post comments, print articles, and look up information for him.  I am happy to have this kind of outlet available to him to help with anything that may come up he could use advice on.

This is the first time I have posted and my thoughts are still a little (a lot) disorganized and jumbled so be gentle.  Some of us have probably been sitting on that fence debating on making this leap of faith.  Perhaps we have been putting it off for far longer than we should have.  My wife has long been an advocate of my staying home and taking care of the kids.  She has a great career and brings home about 3x what I make.  I have had a career in the computer/IT field for about 20 years (with only a 3 month break since I graduated HS).  I hope in that time I have proven to those that may be (overly) concerned about such things that I can be a bread winner.  Now perhaps its time to take a break, smell the flowers and try my hand at being a full time caregiver and parent.  The imminent "transitioning" (ie. lay off)  of my position at the large oil company where I work and tight job market has forced us to finally take a hard look at our finances and we have discovered what a lot of us probably already knew all along.  The hard fact is that 2/3 of my salary goes towards daycare, misc related work/travel expenses, and towards the substantial extra taxes we have to pay (as it places us in a higher bracket).  By staying at home and taking care of the kids (I am also planning to home school) it appears that we will with some moderate adjustments to our lifestyle be able to do just fine.  We have been watching our children being raised by someone else for too long.  I am tired of saying I wish we could spend more time with our children, of listening to the wonderful stories my pre school daughter brings home of the fun things she did that day which we were not a part of, of not being able to attend a party with her or go someplace special during the week, of not being able to attend either of my two sons recitals or football games because both my wife and I have to work 8+ hours a day.  It's a really scary leap of faith for me and I sometimes feel vulnerable and wonder if I am up to the task.  I have been reading a lot of negative things on the web (as well as getting the not so supportive comments and "looks" from relatives and close friends with whom I have discussed this), but also I have read a lot of positive results and wonderful stories that really make me want to do this.  I think that without this not so gentle push from behind I may have procrastinated until it was too late.  The more I plan and discuss the upcoming changes with my wife the more impatient and (nervously) excited I get for the day (soon) when I can finally walk away from this office cubicle, drive home, pick up my daughter from day care, be home to open the door and greet my sons returning from school, and not look back.  I realize it’s going to be full time job and a lot of hard work however I think the rewards are going to be far greater in this career than I ever received from the one I am leaving.

Wow! It's worse than not good ~ it's absolutely horrendous. This is a story about the need for marriage therapy not the effects of a laid-off stay at home father. Good grief! Their attitudes about and toward each other did not start with the role reversal. Every camel's back has a last straw, but the last straw is not the problem. Wow.

Mike of LinOma Dads (Lincoln & Omaha, NE)

... I'd say it's more of a story about the need for Rick to get a job and move on.  There's not much as far as marriage therapy for such selfishness, or for withholding respect, dignity, love and your vows to gain compliance and get your way.  In that interview, while covering her feeling resentful "that he gets to spend all the time with the child", she came very close to saying "because.... she's mine", but stopped herself.  Most of the rest is pretty much saying it without words anyways. I'm in a similar situation and have pretty much figured it is what it is. It's only a matter of time and then poof, bye bye.  I thought 20/20 did stories based in research and evidence, this was pretty soap opratic.

As far as what the media, society, government, neighbors or anyone else thinks is wrong about SAHD's, lets at least hear some sold points that are evidence based and reproducable.  Otherwise, why care what they are saying or hung up on?  What has or will the media, society, and the rest do for you, to help your family in a real way, or in time of crisis? Most likely nothing!  There are those who want the status quo for their own selfish interests, which usually involves excessive manipulation and control that is too often not of benifit to society.  Considering theses sources are pretty well along questionable of themselves,  why pay much attention to what they are selling everybody much beyond their avoidance, good ridance and setting things right.  Aside from all this, it's still a free country, at least in theory anyway.  Most people are just trying to do the best for their kids and family, it's their family & their life, I'm not sure where some people get off having such a problem with others doing what they find wrong for themselves.