My wife and I were talking about some of the recent topics posted on here of situations where women feel they know best simply because they are women and she reminded me of this incident from back in my early days as a S@HD and I thought some of you guys might appreciate this...

Back when I first began my life as a S@HD, my little one was still in diapers and we had gone to the mall to get some shoes for my daughter.  My son wasabout 14 months at the time and experiencing some serious mud-butt of the runny variety.  About halfway through our lunch in the food court, he had what we used to call a "major butt explosion" of the juicy-sounding kind.  He was sitting in my lap and I was sort of holding him when he started "exploding" so I immediately removed him from my lap and held him at arm's length away from me in case his diaper leaked.  As I ordered the kids to wrap up their lunches and put them in the stroller so we could move out to the family restrooms, I noticed that my son's butt explosion had begun to soak through to his onesy so I decided not to put him in the stroller to prevent the toxic waste from winding up there as well.

As were were heading down the hall to the family restrooms, a mother of two saw how awkwardly I was carrying my son and was "kind" enough to tell me I was doing it wrong.  I started to disagree with her and inform her of the ever spreading load in my son's diaper, but decided I would let her find out how wrong she was by allowing her to demonstrate the "proper way" to hold a child his size.  She asked if I minded her demonstrating and being the nice man that I am, I said, "Sure, that would be great."  I carefully handed over my son and she gently took him and placed him on her hip with her arm around him and showed me how to sort of "lock him in position" with his legs spread around the side and his butt resting on her upper hip.  As she is doing this, she is sort of lifting him up and then setting him back in place on her hip and I thought I heard a squishing sound coming from his diaper, but it may have been just wishful thinking.  After several demonstrations, she asked if I thought I had it figured out from her example and I said yes and she handed him back to me and I continued to keep him close to arm's length because I saw the nice brownish colored wetspot she now had on her hip.  She was so busy being mad at me for not learning from her flawless technique that she didn't notice it at first.  She even went so far as to scold me for not putting him on my hip as I had been instructed. I told her I would gladly do so as soon as I had changed his diaper and that the reason I was holding him this way was so that MY clothes didn't wind up looking like THAT and pointed to her hip.

Needless to say, she was both mad and embarrassed by her mistake and my lack of warning to her and she started to say something and then her kids saw the stain and said, "Ewwww, gross! You got poop on you!" and that made my kids laugh and then hers laughed and I tried very hard to look remorseful, though I was not in the slightest. I apologized for the mess and pretended not to have known about the diaper and even offered to pay to have it professionally cleaned, but she said no.  I then told her thanks for the lesson and sorry (again) for the mess and that I would definitely keep this in mind the next time I am carrying a baby with a full diaper.  And thanks to her, I have never forgotten the "right way" to do it either.  So whoever and wherever you are lady, I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way, but sometimes you women DON'T know better than we men do, what the "right way" is in every situation.  Sometimes, you are so full of sh!t that you wind up covered in it.  Mostly I am reminded that while some women can be real nosey b!tches when they want to be, that they are oftentimes no match for a real fish poop (bass turd) with a chip on his shoulder and an axe to grind.  Sadly, I doubt her mommy group ever heard about it, so I'm sure the lesson ended with her.

Oh well, gents. I tried to help.  Let me know if any of you ever had the good fortune of witnessing or even assisting in a know-it-all getting their just desserts. Hope you got a nice chuckle out of this one.  Have a great S@HD day!