I'm 35 years old my wife is 39. We have been married for almost 12 years. As I'm sure is the case with most people when we first were married we had great sex, but after my first son was born things have never been the same. Every 6 months or so I have to sit her down and ask her about sex, at which point she is really good to me for about a month, then it dies off again, and once again after about 6 months I have to sit her down and ask if she is ok and how I miss the passion and feelings that making love brings. She never really has sex because she enjoys it, even after I talk to her, she does it simply for my needs and that’s it. Although it was never a major turn on, I could deal with it, but lately I just can't get an erection, she does nothing to help. I think generally I have burned out on continually having to talk to her and her general desire for sex or lack thereof. Even though I want it, her lack of energy in the process sends my soldier into hiding and there is little I can do to change it; no matter how hard I try to concentrate on it or think of something stimulating. Recently she has started to notice, she asked me if I had someone else, when I said no she asked why I don’t come on to her, I told her I’m disenchanted with it (probably the wrong thing to say), we ended up in a small argument that got way off subject. Now I’m left with a couple of questions: 1 – even if I am able to get up once more, it is getting worse and worse, I just can’t get up with the lack of energy in the bedroom, what do I do to get myself excited? 2 – I have tried everything to help her get excited enough to make her interested for her own needs and not just letting me get off, romance, flowers, massages, porno’s, you name it, I think I have tried it, so how do I get her excited about creating passion? Is this medical? Self esteem? Or what?

My last option would be to get Viagra, although that might get me erect it hardly fixes the passion in the bedroom. I know that erectile dysfunction is a problem with many men, but I’m only 35 and I get erect over everything during work, and especially driving, I always dream about her actually being excited and the thought nearly sends me through my pants, I get home and nothing has changed though. Anyone have any experience or advice?