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Contract to Write New Book for Dads

Hogan
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 Joined: 2008-04-21
 Dad Points: 720

Turner Publishing, publisher of my second book, offered me a contract to write an already titled book for their new “Things You Should Know” series of self-help books. The title of the book is "35 Things Future Dads Should Know About Pregnancy." The #35 is a placement number.

I will write the book with Jesse Rutherford, co-author of my second book. Jesse and I have two months to complete the book because Turner wants to release the book in 2010. If Jesse and I do a good job, Turner agreed to consider hiring us to write another book for the series, title TBD.

Turner has already published five of these books and has plans to publish 24 more in 2010. Here is the link to a list of the five books:

http://www.turnerpublishing.com/SearchResult.aspx?CategoryId=134

Jesse and I invite you to submit the top 10 things at-home dads think future dads should know about pregnancy. If any of them are different than the 41 (temporary #) Jesse and I have on our list, we will include it in the book – with your permission. * Please note that the publisher makes the final decisions on the content of the book.

One of the suggestions on our list is for a future dad to talk to and network with other fathers, including at-home dads. I would also like to submit a top ten list of “things” from At-Home Dads and information about the At-Home Dad website and convention. I will use the convention as an example on the value of dads networking with each other.

KOD


‹ Al's Motion to Speak Up/Mom's Blog We're Being Bad: Are Mom And Dad To Blame? by Jeffrey Shaffer ›

Submitted by Hogan on Sun, 12/06/2009 - 8:52pm.

phaze-3
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Posts: 92
 Joined: 2007-01-03
 Dad Points: 165
Some ideas

I have four for you:

1. This might be more of a mom issue, but you never know.  Some of the best pre-delivery advice came from a nurse at our hospital. “Focus on the end result," she said.  “However the delivery goes, at the end, you'll have a baby in your arms, period.”  Sounds simple, but it was meant as an antidote for some parents who have concrete expectations about what their deliver must be like.

Apparently, some moms are crushed if they have to have a C section, or if they have to have an epidural, or if the delivery is anything but story-book perfect.  Instead, take a page from the stereotypical goal-oriented male mind and focus on the end result.

Our own delivery nearly 9 years ago was a case in point.  14 days past the due date, DW was induced, but to no avail.  With every contraction, DD's heart rate dipped a bit.  Our awesome OBGYN decided for a C, and it was the best decision, since the cord was around DD's neck three times.  My nephew had the same issue at delivery, but there they cut the cord and delivered.  Interesting that he's autistic, and one of the gazillion theories swirling around involves oxygen deprivation from cut umbilicals. I’ll leave it to the great scientific thinkers like Jenny McCarthy to weigh in on that one.

The maternity nurses seemed pleasantly surprised that we took the C decision in stride. It must not be the typical reaction.

2. Be wary of birth classes that tour their method as THE method. We were Bradley-method dropouts. Our Bradley instructor was a bit extreme, warning of the evils of ALL hospital births – none of which we experienced. She also mentioned the cord around the neck thing as no big deal, since they just slip it right off.  Of course, cord length varies, which can greatly affect such a maneuver,  but she never mentioned that. If some instructor tells you this is the way it always is, think again. Perhaps this feeds the expectation issues I mentioned in #1. We later tried a class at the hospital, which was wonderfully reassuring. Natural, hot-tub, doulas, mid-wives, C-sections, home births, hospital births, heck, even airplane and backseat births -- Good and bad results have come from all, and no one scenario is the guaranteed best for everyone.  Find yourself the setup you are comfortable with, but don't be afraid to improvise when it counts.

3. This is more a post-delivery thing, but you can start working on it before hand.  As best you can, calm your child’s first environment. It might not be womb-like, but you can tone it down a LOT. I was fortunate to be able to room-in with DW during her hospital stay. We kept the lights dim, and I brought a small boom box (pre i-pod days, mind you) loaded with Mozart guitar concertos, new age nature sounds, and the like. You can believe that a blaring TV and fluorescent lights are good for your new infant. If so, I have a bridge to sell you. The nurses on each shift remarked how they loved to come into our room as a respite from the noise in other rooms.

4. Lastly, yes, you should read the “What to expect…” books. Then forget most of it. Your child will not have read the books – surprise, surprise – and will do his or her darndest to mess with all the rules and advice in said books.

--Tom

ThatHomeschoolDad

eyecancervive


Mon, 12/07/2009 - 8:36am

omahahomedad
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Posts: 326
 Joined: 2008-08-18
 Dad Points: 624
Congratulations Hogan!

Congratulations on your upcoming book! I will happily submit some ideas for you when I get a chance. In the meantime, WAY TO GO! Can't wait to read it and share it with some guys I know that are having their first babies soon.

Al

Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org


Tue, 12/08/2009 - 2:24pm

Hogan
Posts: 409
 Joined: 2008-04-21
 Dad Points: 720
Thanks Tom

Jesse and I will look into #1 & 2.  Already covered #4.  And #3 is post pregnancy.

If any other dads decide to post, the deadline is December 30th.

I will post the # of Things Jesse and I selected after we submit the proposal.

KOD,

Hogan

 


Sun, 12/13/2009 - 11:24pm

omahahomedad
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Posts: 326
 Joined: 2008-08-18
 Dad Points: 624
Some ideas for you...

My wife and I had a chance to talk about this on our way to Kansas City to visit family this weekend while the kids either watched a movie or napped. Here's what we have for you...

1. "Do whatever your wife says. Don't question her." (yeah, that was a quote from my wife)

2. Sex - expect some in months 0-3, even though she will feel kinda crappy on and off; lots in months 4-7; almost none in months 8-9. Also, don't expect any for at least 3 months after the baby is born and it will take 6-12 months before things are back to normal (hopefully).

3. Prepare and freeze dinners. We made several meals ahead of time and froze them so we didn't have to have the pressure of making a fresh meal every night if we were too tired from being up all day and night with the baby. There are companies where you can spend an evening making a whole bunch of meals and then bring them home to freeze, which is a great "baby gift" idea for your friends and family. Also, gift cards to restaurants that deliver are good too.

4. Learn childcare and household duties so you can take the pressure off mom. Practice changing diapers on a doll, learn how your wife likes the laundry to be done (write it down if you have to!), find out what part of the house she likes to have the cleanest and try to help her keep it clean.

5. Tell her to let you fail at childcare and household duties (except for the obvious things that could really hurt the baby). You need to be allowed to make mistakes so you can learn from them without her hovering over you telling you what you're doing wrong. Otherwise, you won't want to learn and you won't be able to help her when she needs it.

6. Make your wife take naps after the baby is born. Take away all the things that keep her from taking a nap (dishes, laundry, etc.) AND take the baby out of the house (on a walk, to the park, etc) so she won't hear the baby cry. Moms can't sleep if they hear the baby cry even if she is completely confident in your ability to handle it.

7. Hold the baby like a football. Cradle the head in your elbow (where the point of the football would go) and put the rear end in your hand. It's easy and comfortable and can be done one-handed. Plus, you wouldn't fumble a football, so this can be a great reminder that you wouldn't "fumble" the baby since lots of guys are afraid to hold a baby saying they might drop it. Well, if it's a "football" they won't drop it!

8. Auto pay as many bills as possible - one less thing to worry about when the baby comes.

9. Stay in the hospital room with your wife and baby. We enjoyed this time together. Also, it's important for you to be there to be an advocate for your wife. I remember once, at about 3am after our first was born, that my wife was in a lot of pain and called the nurse. The nurse said she'd be right there. She took too long and I went and found the nurse and brought her back immediately.

10. Remember, babies cry a lot and it can be frustrating. If you can't figure out why she's crying, put her in her crib and walk away to calm down. Come back after 5-10 minutes when YOU are calmer. The baby will be fine.

 

I think you also said something about tips for at-home dads. Here are a few from me:

1. Discuss the expectations of your duties with your wife and revisit it regularly

2. Go to playgroups as often as possible, even when they're babies.

3. Get out of the house at least once a day when possible.

4. Plan ahead and make a schedule. Use my dad's "7P's for success: Pre-Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance!"

5. Always have a diaper bag packed and ready to go.

6. Develop a support network - neighbors, family, at-home dads, etc. You never know when an emergency will happen and you will need help.

7. ASK FOR HELP! It is amazing how much people will help if you just ask.

 

Whew! I hope this can be helpful and GOOD LUCK!!!

Al

Vice-President, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org

 


Wed, 12/16/2009 - 2:55pm

TimB
Posts: 70
 Joined: 2008-06-21
 Dad Points: 94
Every pregnancy is different

We're heading into the last month of our second one and this one has been way different than the first. For our first, she was only sick for a few weeks, but for this one she was sick for the first three months. She was also more tired for this one than the last one. But the eighth month of this one has been better than the last pregnancy. She's feeling well and we're finally starting to get excited. I think that with the first one, we got excited initially but our enthusiasm diminished as we realized how long it was taking. This pregnancy has gone by faster than the last, at least for me.


Wed, 12/16/2009 - 4:49pm

Hogan
Posts: 409
 Joined: 2008-04-21
 Dad Points: 720
Great Stuff

Thanks Al and Tim.

Al, 1, 2, 3 and 4 are on our list.  8 is one I didn't think about.  The others you listed apply to post pregnancy.

RE: the at-home dad list - 1, 6 and 7 we have on our list.  2, 3, 5 also apply to post pregnancy.

I'll keep you posted and let you know if we use any of your material.

 

 

 


Wed, 12/16/2009 - 10:51pm

jpod00
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Posts: 115
 Joined: 2007-11-05
 Dad Points: 144
Last Minute Entry

Hey Hogan,

Sorry to be so late in the fray, I just haven't logged in for a while.  One idea jumps to my mind.  Every guy should assume his wife's pregnancy absolutely sucks.  Presume she is uncomfortable, overtired, nauseaus (did I spell that right?), feeling fat, and all those sorts of things.  If you are fully prepared for the worst, and you actually understand that, then you will be a better partner for her, because your expectations will be very reasonable.  I think you get the idea.

 

Jim

Boulder, CO

Dad to Cole, Luke & Trev

Regional Coordinator

Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network

www.daddyshome.org


Mon, 12/28/2009 - 12:12pm

Hogan
Posts: 409
 Joined: 2008-04-21
 Dad Points: 720
Good One Jim

Thanks.  I'll add your suggestion to my notes and include this in the section tentatively titled, "Think Like a Woman/Mom."

If any other at-home dads want to submit, the deadline is January 14th.

Hogan Hilling, Board Member At-Large, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org,


Tue, 12/29/2009 - 6:32pm

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