I think what you are doing is courageous.  I think marriage and kids that early is always tricky.  I know I would not have been ready.  My wife and I are very happy now, but at that age would have caused problems.  I have to think, I am only getting your side of the story.  If I was to hear hers, she might have another version...  as is always the case.  That doesn't mean I don't believe you, it just means her view might be interesting to hear.  I think your rose pedal story is telling.  What girl/woman asks about the mess?  So strange.  If she is saying "I have given up" she probably has done so.  I feel for you, cause I would not wish this upon nobody.

That being said.  I have kids the age differences of yours.  It is exhausting regardless of your work schedule.  My wife and I had no sex life for like 4 years, and it is just starting to come back around (2 times a month).  She was not into sex at all, and also only did it out of obligation.  Many "talks" started by me made it improve.  Every situation is different.  I am just saying that at your age, and your kids age...  it could be the problem.  I suggest no more kids for a few years.  Make sure things improve first.  I actually told my wife I would not have another kid unless our marriage improved.  We are not trying, but it made the point.

Not sure any of this helps, because I didn't live your situation.  Good luck!  Remember...  in the end the kids matter most (but don't live in a miserable marriage for the kids)!

Hey Silent,

I hear your problem loud and clear and feel for you.  I agree with Mr. Dad that if I had been married with two kids at your age, I would have struggled as much or worse than you have.  One thing totally baffles my mind, that your wife has stated that she has "Given Up" on  your marriage.  I know that you have attempted to talk with her directly and I am sure that it feels that your hitting/talking to a brick wall.  The harder part is that you both are so young and she may have feelings and issues that she is not acknowledging about where she is at this point in her life.  It may be beneficial for her and you to get both individual and couples counseling to help with this situation.

Even being older in marriage for only now seven years, it is a struggle as well.  The only saving grace that I see at this point in my marriage is that we are seeking couples counseling and hoping that it will help things out between the two of us.  There has been many times since my twins were born about four years ago that I felt that all I was to my wife was a glorified babysitter.  With talking to an impartial observer who may help to provide a different way to look at things for both is starting to help a bit.  In regards to the intimate time being better connected or passionate between the two of you, not sure on that one myself as I still do not feel completely connected with my wife in that department as well.

It is going to be a matter of really attempting to connect while you both talk with one another.  Do your best when you talk with her to keep the emotion out of it (as much as you want to) and do your best to not blame her for what is happening (accusing is detrimental).  Do your best to express how what you see happening makes you feel so that ideally she will hear what you are saying and will ideally want to help to make the situation better or completely kill the whole.  The latter is definitely not something I would wish on anyone and hope that your wife will choose and decide to help work on and improve the marriage.  Hopefully she will open up to you about how she is feeling and will share with you what fears that she maybe having herself at this point and time. 
Either way I hope the best for you and continue to fight to keep your marriage if that is truthfully what you really want.  Best of luck in your efforts for keeping your marriage together.

Robb

Midwest Regional Coordinator

Daddy's Home INC - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org

The other posters had some good advice but a couple of things stuck out when I read your post. You said that she refuses to let anyone else watch the kids and won't tell you why. You also said that she calls you every 30 minutes to tell you she misses you. It's possible that there's something in her past that may be causing her intimacy problems. I think it would be worth going to counseling. If you can't get her to go with you, a professional may be able to give you some ideas about how to get her to talk about what's going on.

Silent_yelling....I feel for you. I've been married for 26 years and have four grown kids. my first was born when I was only 18. your wife not wanting sex when your children are young is pretty common. I was thinking after I read your post (and before I read other's suggestions) pretty much what Hogan suggested. You must talk to your wife...but try a different approach. the last thing a young mother and wife wants is to feel pressure to preform sexuallly. Sometimes thinking more like a woman will get through to one...talk about your feelings and how much you love and need her. ask her what it is you can do to make her happy. talk to her like Hogan suggested (i think he's pretty right on)...and i would add, whatever it is that turns your wife on sexually...do it. i'm sure you know what that is...and intercourse probably isn't it. do it when the kids are napping and i mean, at first, you might have to dive right in....because she won't be in the mood if she thinks you are expecting anything from her (it's not fair, I know...but the woman is obviously exhausted herself). after awhile...she'll be sexually charged and see that it is possible to carry on a healthy sex life (my husband and I got very creative with finding time and places around the house), and that it will actually enrich her life (and marriage). Hopefully after a short time of seeing that you are willing to do what you can to make her life easier she will follow suit....you are setting the example....and she'll try to figure out what she can do to make your life easier too. oh! and we had a "family bed" too. but after my husband showed me what an orgasm felt like...i was open to getting out of the bed after the kids fell asleep and into the closet, couch, or kids room, to have sex.....and it didn't take long before I was way more eager to make sure he was happy too.   

I applaud your courage in trying to seek help rather than simply trying to bury the problem. Working through marriage issues has nothing to do with masculinity, its simply a question of being happy. That being said, I think you are experiencing the trying times of starting a family so young. obviously you cannot change these circumstances now, so what you can do is try your best to consistently remind yourself that the joys and beauties of love are distinct entities from the plights of everyday life, and that it is possible for love to continue to be real and all encompassing even in the most difficult of times. You certainly do not want to separate at such an impressionable time for your children, so maybe you need to focus less on your work and more on your family. You and your wife have to discuss the risks of taking on a lighter work schedule, and what it would mean for your finances.