Hi there. I'm new here. Here's my situation....my wife has a good paying job and has suggested that I be a stay at home dad. I'm not currently working full time as I do handyman type work part time. I do love children but I am not sure how it would be to stay at home with a newborn.
I guess what I am looking for is advice. What am I in store for? (Other than lots of hard work and sleepless nights!)
Thanks!
First of all, make sure it's your decision. Your wife is correct that it makes a lot of sense for you to stay home, but YOU need to be 100% on board with the decision. My experience has been that the guys who CHOSE THEMSELVES to be at-home with the kids are the ones who are the most successful and the happiest with the decision.
Second, you are in for an experience unlike any other. You get to be with your child all day and experience every fun and difficult moment with your child. You won't miss the first step, first word, or first poop in the potty. You will never regret all the extra time you will get to spend with your child. Despite the many difficulties you will encounter, what could be better than that?
Third, find a local at-home dad group. It is very lonely for at-home dads. Many moms will not connect with you or feel comfortable when you come to playgroups or parks where they are. That shouldn't stop you from getting out with your child, but you need to be aware of it. Men at a park in the middle of the day, for example, is unusual and some women are uncomfortable with it and may think you are going to make a pass at them or try to get their kid (all ridiculous, of course). That is why meeting other at-home dads near you (and they're out there) will make you feel less despised and develop a comradaire with guys in your same situation.
Fourth, don't completely give up your job. In my case, that was not possible, but, for you, I think it is. I would suggest working out some time to do your handyman work. It may not be much income, but it may save your sanity by giving you a break, which you will need. How I wish I could go pound something with a hammer some days!
Good luck, and keep checking back in with this board. Lots of guys here have been where you are and can give you a lot of help and support.
Al
Vice-President, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org
Just seconding what Al has to say.
Both parents must be 100% onboard and happy with the arrangement. Very happy with the arrangement.
If you do try and do a little work on the side, dont count on being able to do ANYTHING when you're on your own with the kid(s). Even just handling a phone call can be a challenge.... :-)
Good luck!
Tim
Al has a lot of good points.
It will be crazy and scary at first. But once you get a routine worked out with your child it will go smoothly. It is amazing to see your child change before your eyes.
This August I will have 2 children under the age of 2. It is starting to make more sense for me to continue to stay home. For me to go back to work, I need to find a job that will pay me 40k/year. 2 kids in day care is close to 25k/year. Even if you have a spouse that can afford it, it just does not smart to pay some else that much to take care of your child.
Like Al said, make sure you get some time for yourself. It is very important to keep your sanity.
Tony
MrK,
I have to just echo what the others have already said here in response to your question. When my wife and I were planning our family, the one thing we both agreed on is that one of us should be here with our children. We realized that I only had a job and she definitely had a career that was and still is doing extremely well. We also determined that I was a little more patient with children than my wife felt she would have been. We just realized this was what worked best for us. I had also wanted to have something part time during the week at night however, the wife is still some what opposed to that at this point. I think it will be the best thing that you may choose to do for your family and will give you endless amounts of incredible memories of your children and the time you are able to be with them that your wife is choosing to have you enjoy. Good luck in your thought process and your decision, I am sure once you get into it, you'll be amazed at how incredible it is.
Robb Midwest Regional Coordinator
Daddy's Home INC - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org
Al,
Awesome advice. You should start a dad blog. Oh, that's right you have one.
Mr. K,
It won't hurt to give it a try. You might fall in love with being an at-home dad like I did. My initial plan was two years as an at-home dad. I'm now into my 20th year.
I've met many dads who tried this out-of-the pantry experience but it wasn't their cup of tea. I don't believe any of them regretted the short time they spent being an at-home dad. They discovered that they were more comfortable in the working dad role.
I think the most important thing you can do right now is to talk with other at-home dads and hang out with them. See what their days are like. Then give it a try.
The next step will be to attend this year's At-Home Dad Convention and reevaluate whether or not you want to continue being an at-home dad. BTW, if you agree to take this leap of faith, make sure that your wife agrees to let you attend attend the convention. Get it in writing. 
Be grateful that your wife suggested and supports you being the at-home parent. I know many wives who wouldn't even trust the care of the kid(s) to their husband for even an hour.
My wife's support and confidence in me was a big help in choosing to be an at-home dad. Twenty years ago Tina was the only one who believed I was capable of being the at-home parent.
When I first started (over 8 years ago) I was pretty clueless. But guess what? So are the moms with their first! Oh, people think they know. Maybe because they were babysitters, maybe because they have lots of friends who've already done it, maybe this or that. The truth is, until you live it, you don't know jack. So, it is okay (and completely normal) to wonder and worry about what it will be like. That is part of the fun once you get past the first few bumps in the road. Then you find places like this website, get involved with other local AHD's, and get yourself out to a convention, and you realize just how lucky you are. Like Hogan said, there are guys that don't fit in these shoes. That too, is perfectly okay. Doesn't make them bad dads, or even bad men. This ain't no joy ride, but the ride sure is a joy.
Jump in, the water's fine!
Jim
Boulder, CO
Dad to Cole, Luke, Trev & Delaney
Regional Coordinator, DaddysHome Inc.
I'm so glad I posted here. Thanks so very much for the helpful hints and suggestions. I am thankful that my wife thinks so highly of my ability to take care of our children (even if I am not sure)! I am very lucky that she can afford to let me stay with the kids when the time comes.
I'll be lurking around here trying to gather bits of info. Thanks again.
Peter Bayliss, longtime at home dad, put together a pretty good book you should read. Fairly comprehensive and has input from some of the dads who are on this site. I agree with the thought of trying to get to the convention. If you were in sales, there wouldn't be a second thought about attending a Tom Hopkins seminar or a convention on networking. Your goal is to be a successful at home dad. Also, be patient. The transition can be a bitch....thats where a local group can really help. Good Luck.
Phil Convention Chair, Daddyshome, Inc
Hey I was in the same situation as you are. My wife is an environmental engineer.
I was in no way going to make the money she makes in retail. I offered to stay at home to raise our son.
Trust me I was a nervous wreck when this started and was worried I would do something wrong.
I got over my nerves with each day when I saw him and got to feed and care for him as well as take care of the house.
There are lil things I have picked up to help me along the way whether here or somewhere else. I am glad I made the decision to stay at home.
I am looking forward to my son becoming two and a new baby on the way though my cooking can still be improved upon.
All I can say is make sure it is something you want to do and just enjoy every day you have when you do. I can only offer that much.
You will get something out of it if you do a grander sense of worth and humility especially when your child comes to you first for something.
Echoing everyone who posted before me: don't worry - you'll do great! I am a work-from-home dad with my first child. Keep in mind that the old cliche that kids don't come with instructions is true and everyone knows it. You will make mistakes and you'll learn from them. It's a lot of hard work but it's not rocket science either. Honestly, you're lucky to have the opportunity to watch your child grow EVERY DAY! Your wife may not let on, but I would bet dollars to donuts she's jealous as hell of you.
If there's one thing I can't stress enough is to treat this as an opportunity and not as a horrible reversal of gender roles that somehow makes you less of a man. I am still getting used to the looks I get when I tell people I stay at home with my daughter. It actually makes me feel like more of a man to be able to do it.
Thankfully there are sites like this with not only parenting tips but resources for Dads to connect with other Dads.
Joined: 2010-01-05
Dad Points: 7