I totally understand how you feel.  My wife and I went through a similar situation a few months ago.  You can try either letting some of the house chores go and see if she picks up the slack and if that doesn't work then sit down and discuss it seriously.  I work 95% of my job from home so my situation is a little different than yours.  My wife had been a work-at-home mom for 8 years when she got laid off in 2008.  She tried to find another job working from home but there was nothing out there and it got to the point that we had to get some extra income in the house.  We have 3 kids and at the time, 1 was in school all day and the other 2 in pre-school 1/2 a day.  She started working a part-time job about 9 months ago working variable shifts (4hrs to 8 hrs per day) and at the time, I told her that I would take on some additional chores to help out around the house.  A couple of months after she started working, I started noticing that I was doing all the chores and she was doing nothing even on her days off.  I then started skipping out on some of the chores to see if she would pick up the slack.  That didn't work.  Instead of doing something, she would just comment on what didn't get done and how exhausted she was to even think about doing it.  I would tell her there weren't enough hours in the day to do everything, pointed out the things that did get done, and reminded her that I still had to do my job to see if she would catch on but she didn't.  The tension between us just kept growing over the next few months until one day I decided that instead of "justifying" my day with what had been and hadn't been done around the house, we were going to sit down and talk it out until we came up with a plan.  I reminded her that I did not committ to doing all the chores when she started working.  I pointed out the fact that I had a job to do as well and that chores would get done as I was able to.  I told her that I understood her not coming home and doing chores after an 8 hour shift but that she could help out on her short days and on days off because it was not fair for me to have to do everything.  After this conversation, we've not had any problems.  We both agreed that whoever was home on "days off" (since her days off varied every week and were not necessarily on the weekend) , would do whatever needed to be done, she would cook on her days off and I would do the cooking on days when she had to work.  She has recently found a new job where she works mostly from home but does have office hours every week and we are still sticking to the same plan.  We have not argued about chores in over 3 months.

3 jobs, 1 boy SAHD

I feel exactly the same way. My  wife works her corporate job which does provide 60% of our cash but then comes home and acts like a full on slob around the house, does no chores, nothing for me or the house anyway (though she does everything for the boy, God bless her) and rarely even eats or thanks me for the dinner I have waiting for her.

I do not want to be a downer, I just found this web site because I am in the middle of a particularly bad night with my wife. I realize what the other guys are saying with the "make dates" ideas and the "talk it out" plans but what do you do when you don't want to talk it out, your sick of trying, why should I have to put in the effort when not putting in the effort is her problem?

I mean, its not like it hasn't come up so many frickin’ times, she knows what's wrong. Now I gotta be the bigger man again and establish suitable boundaries? I am tired of it. But I love my wife and child.

What the hell is wrong with women today anyway. I am sorry bejoy5439, it sounds like you and I are dealing with a lot of the same issues and the only thing I have found to work is to retreat further into myself. Perhaps that is not the best advice for the long haul, perhaps the other guys are right. I suppose I am at the point where disrespect has led to detachment and outside of professional counseling as a third party perspective I do not know what else to do but put a twin bed in my office and give her the separation of need that her actions tell of wanting.

Good Luck.

VaPa,

I don't want to trivialize the position you're in.  Obviously, any of the suggestions I made require the cooperation of your spouse, and it sounds like you're at the point where you don't trust your spouse to put any effort into it, and you resent being the only one who seems to make the effort.

You seem to understand your situation well--have you found a counselor yet?  If you're unhappy, you're the only one that you can count on to make a change.  You can insist on counseling.  Putting up a bed in your office might be what's necessary to communicate your dissatisfaction.  But if you're miserable, don't settle.  My own marriage went through some pretty rocky times, and getting through it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was worth it.  I'm not saying your situation is the same or that I have answers, just that I know it isn't just 10 simple steps to a perfect marriage.

I don't know if this analogy would help you, but it helped in my marriage:

Let's say you're riding in the passenger seat of a car, when the driver crashes the car.  The wreck wasn't your fault.  Your injuries aren't your fault.  But if you don't go to the hospital and get help, you won't heal.  In a marriage, if the other person hurts you, it isn't your fault.  But it is your responsibility to get treatment for the wound; otherwise, you'll be wounded for the rest of your life.

Hope you can find some help.