I am a new stay at home dad. I lost my job while my wife was pregnant with our twin boy's. She has now gone back to work and I am on edge all the time. I have never not worked and I find it really depressing. Any advice? Thinking of going back to school during this time... good idea?
Mat J
Hi Mat,
Welcome to the board and group that will most definitely help you get through. I personally have not been in your shoes as it was my wife who had a career and continues to excel at it and I only had a job and it made our decision easier as to who would stay at home. I am able to appreciate what you are saying because until I sought out ways to change who I am, I was under the belief that the man was supposed to be the bread winner and provide for his family. Do your best to look at things another way, you may not be the financial bread winner of your family however, you are providing valuable help to your family by being an at home dad. You are now taking an active role in raising your children and you will help to guide them in life as best that you know how and are able to. Plus the fact that you do not have to rely on a daycare provider to be the example in life to your children that you so rightfully deserve to be all the time. I would also encourage you to find out if there is an At Home Dads group in your area and do your best to get involved with them. It was one of the first things that helped me out especially after moving 1,555 miles from where my twins were born roughly six months after they were born. There will probably be a weekly play group and monthly Dads Night Out and allow you to have a good social network and create new friends who are doing the same thing you are and maybe one or two will know better as to how you feel and will give you some ideas on how else to get through each day. I also want to encourage you to come to Omaha Nebraska for the 15th Annual At Home Dads National Convention that will take place on Saturday October 2, 2010. Check out the convention website at www.athomedadconvention.com. It definitely will get you in further touch with other At Home Dads and will give you some ideas to help you become an even better daddy than you are all ready. I know that when I attended my first convention in 2006, it was pretty awesome to be involved with everyone that I met there and I do my best when my family travels to meet up with the dads that I have met when I am in their towns. I hope that my words help you some how and that you will do your best to look at things a totally different way and realize that you are still the excellent provider that you have always envisioned.
Robb Midwest Regional Coordinator
Daddy's Home INC - The National At-Home Dad Network
great advise from chitownman find that DADS group try Meetup.com if you cant find one in your area start your own i live in the STL and was surprised to find no SAHD groups we formed late last year and already have 13 members BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME....i got in that funk to about not working and not feeling like i was the man of the house untill i figured out how much of a major impact being a SAHD would play in our house its not going to be easy all the time but it can be gravy when its going good and you'll learn from your good and bad choices SAHM groups stay away from LOL....let me tell it i'll run circles around any SAHM put in front of me and once they see you can hold your own you will become the group babysitter as the moms in the group slowly move to the quitest place they can find to talk about who knows what i was to busy watching thier kids to hear so that didnt work for me but my wife like the group stuff so her and Mj do Little Gym on Sat which gives me a chance to get out and have my me time ive been selling stuff on Craigs list which is my money to buy my cigars i didnt know i had so much stuff around the house i didnt really need or use and you can also sell stuff for other people friends and family has been working just send emails letting people know thats what your doing charge them a fee for your time and you have instant cash and it doesnt take away from savings if your wife is like mine i made almost $600 bucks last month with all of that said make the best out of your SAHD adventure it really is a strees free place to be once you get the hang of it
I totally feel you buddy. I gave up a career as a restaurant manager to stay home with my kids. I went from working 80 hours a week to waking up and not having to put on pants all day if I didn't want to. At first, I was insanely jealous of my wife because she got to leave each day while I stayed home, and it turns out she was jealous of me. All I can tell you is, try to be the very best stay at home dad you can. Make that your job. You'll find out it can very rewarding. Learn to cook, take pride in how organized your home can be, and enjoy the down time. Also, physical activity helped me a lot.
Good luck,
Phil
I am going to be in the same boat pretty soon. Its hard to imagine life without working, or at least a day job. I will still need to find some night work to help. My wife in her first trimester with twins and we also have a little three year old running around. So right now it looks like in about 8 months i am going to be taking a break to become a stay at home dad. I am scared but this site has been very encouraging so far.
Joined: 2010-01-29
Dad Points: 5