do we really fear change or do we fear what people will think of us. being a SAHD doesnt make us weak or gay and it doesnt make us any less of a man that works 70 hour work weeks.we as DADS need to step up and start to speak out so we can break that old tradition that the man has to be the bread winner.We SAHD's are a special group of MEN and are becoming a force to be dealt with. its funny the reasons i hear on why some MEN are SAHD's (lost jobs,she makes more than me and the funny one she made me) not alot do i hear it was a desire for me to have the opportunity to impact how my child is raised and be the REAL MAN of the house. Men untill we swallow that pride pill we will always be just a small growing expanding group of DADS trying to get our story told.
SAHD Question
Hey STLDaddy,
I understand what you are attempting to say however, not everyone is thinking the way that you are thinking and just because you had a different desire that others have, does not mean that they are wrong and have to "swallow pride" as we are all doing our best to be the best and do something that still is not accepted as being part of the norm.
I know for myself that had I not done things to change my way of thinking and life that I would not have been able to deal with the fact that my wife is the bread winner of the family and supports me in taking care of our family. You have to remember society has dictated to everyone for a long time that "The Man Is Supposed To Be The Bread Winner & Provider For The Family" and not the other way around. We also have to get today's media not to lump us all as being like Michael Keaton's character in the movie "Mr. Mom." Slowly however, surely we are making a dent into the perception that an At Home Dad or any At Home Parent is a vital part to a family.
Do not single out the way we came about it however, find ways to further expand the knowledge that At Home Dads is becoming more and more the norm in today's society. You desires are great however, do not alienate others that are doing what they either decided to do with their wives because it it made financial sense and accept those who are struggling the most because they lost their jobs and are now doing something they never imagined they would ever get to do. We are not able to afford segregation within the organization when our common goal is to help everyone be able to expand the knowledge that Dads are just as good as being the primary care givers as moms are and we all want the Nation and World now that this is now something that is acceptable to be the norm.
Robb Midwest Regional Coordinator
Daddy's Home INC - The National At-Home Dad Network
i am one that can not judge but will not be judged.whats right or wrong for the next man and his family doesnt affect my family in any way.i have adjusted to change and the way i think in order to journey in a new direction and it has made my new journey very rewarding but what if change isnt for everyone? do we continue to allow society to dictate our lives?society cant dictate my role as a grown man,husband or father.stereotypes can be broken if EVERYONE is allowed to share thier stories,voice thier oppinions and share thier insecurities.
WITH THAT SAID it was not my intent to single out,alienate and sure not segregate The Organization.as we all can relate we talk to alot of people every day at soccer camp at Little Gym or Gymboree or Wal Mart but do we always listen?????????????????????????
Thanks for your thoughts dude, I had a hard time adjusting to being a SAHD. At first it was great, but then I became very frustrated with not getting out of the house and feeling like a man again. No more meetings, no more people to manage (who you could fire anyway). Just another day in sweat pants taking care of two screaming babies. After that brief funk, I realized that being a SAHD is HARD WORK! The more you put in, the more you get out. Only after swallowing my pride pill was I able to be a truly good father. I believe that my children are much better because I stay home with then and have chosen not to put them in child care. They have a close relationship with their father. No Daddy issues for my little girl! I have to remember that's what is truly important. I have really found a lot of support from everyone on this site. Thank you all and keep up the great work at home guys!
I am still new to the site and am still in the throws of dejection with my wife and my SAHD situation. I don't mean to keep on this negative streak but what if a person is just not suited to this situation but has to do it anyway because of finances. I love my boy, he is only 15 months or so but it has gotten really hard, he needs my constant attention and frankly I would rather be at work. I hate to say it but I do not find this fulfilling at all. I do not have the mindset to entertain a 15 month year old and I see how my friends kids act as they get older and it really seems as though it is only going to get worse. I’m looking at a tidal wave here and I am beginning to freak out.
What makes it worse is that I do not want day care either. I do not want my boy with a bunch of strangers. Is laying on the floor in his nursery throwing a ball against the ceiling while my son runs around my head and throws toys at me really better for him than daycare or am I fooling myself? Literally, this is what I do all day long aside from trying to run 3 businesses by phone and computer which I can only do when he is asleep or else he freaks out. At least when I lay on the floor in his room he is cool with it and can somewhat entertain himself. I have tried playing with him and books and just can't keep up with it, partially because I am defeated by my wife's lack of help but also and honestly by my own lack of motivation for entertaining children. Is sitting them in front of the TV all day really that bad? What if the shows are educational?
I must say STLDADDY that it does rub my sense of manhood a bit, perhaps that is just me not letting go of my pride (my wife exacerbates this issue also) but I often feel simply that I, as a man, am not cut out for this.
A real man does what ever is best for his family. If that is staying home then so be it. Its tough but Man up and take pride that you are giving your child the best that you can for them. Do what it is a job and try to be the best you can. There are no promotions or raises in it but it is more satisfying than anything I can think of. Jut know that down the road you can take pride in raising a good person and that you are more invested than any daycare worker would be.
I only say that because I am a huge fan of Michael Keaton...Anyway, I never really thought about what my role in society is being a sahd. I've been having serious issues latlly but that wasn't one of them until now! Just kidding. I guess I'm in the group "doing it because I'm unemployed and it makes sense financially". I'm ok with that. I love raising my boys, my deal is the isolation I feel from my wife and I think even myself. I'll stand up loud and proud as a sahd, but when oppurtunity knocks, I'm out the door and the kids are at daycare. My opinion of daycare is that as long as its accredited, you can talk to at least 3 people who have kids there and you feel comfortable with the people who work there then rock on. Think of it as boot camp for kindergarten.
VaPa,
Let me tell it to you straight... that is what we are here for. That is why we have an annual convention. That is why we have local at-home dad groups. We are all here to help you through this. Maybe you can't hack it, and that is okay. This at-home dad thing is not for everyone, nor is it easy. And don't let moms fool you; it's not easy for them either.
Your candor is awesome. Keep that up. Keep asking questions and voicing your frustrations. Every guy here has had the same as you.
And, one more thing, if you're still at it in October, come to the 15th Annual At-Home Dad Convention (www.athomedadconvention.com). We have lots of fun and lots of serious conversations about what we're going through. Most of the guys are new like you, but many are old hats, veterans of 5, 10, even 20 years. You will learn more about your "job" and how to handle it in that one weekend than you can in one year on this site. The convention has changed the lives of many an at-home dads (see the quotes section of the convention site); perhaps it will help you too.
Al Watts, Vice-President Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network
I know a lot of working dads who feel stuck in their jobs. They have a list of complaints that include not making enough money, work conditions, feeling unappreciated by management, being forced to work overtime ....the soap operas they have to deal with in which the co-workers/adults act like children. At least at home the behavior of my kids is age appropriate and I have some control over them. 
Another complaint I hear from working dads is the difficult transition they have to make when they come home from their place of work. Too tired to cook, clean or deal with the kids after a hard day at the office. Juggling a career and raising kids is not easy either. However, there are working dads who are good at it. Kudos to them because I couldn't do it. That's why I'm still an at-home dad. And have been for 20 years.
At one time my wife pressured me to find work. But then who would take care of the kids while I'm at work? What if there is an emergency? Will you take time off of work if I can't? Wife answered, "No." Can't have the best of both worlds honey. One or the other. I also convinced my wife to back off by telling her that the quality of our life as a family is more important than the quality of the family's lifestyle. She agreed. FYI, Tina and I live on a school teacher's salary in Southern California.
If you have reservations about being an at-home dad, that is not good either. But as they say, sometimes people don't know how good they have something until they lose it.
Whether you're an at home dad or wage earning dad you still have to keep on daddying!
I hope you hang in there and reap the wonderful benefits of being an at-home dad.
Hogan Hilling, Board Member At-Large, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org, Author “The Modern Mom’s Guide To Dads”
Joined: 2010-01-19
Dad Points: 46