Parent - Job Description

Canadian.Bloke
Posts: 7
Joined: 2010-02-07
Dad Points: 24

If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

 POSITION :

- Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
- Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

 JOB DESCRIPTION :

- Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in anoften chaotic environment.
- Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
- Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
- Travel expenses not reimbursed.
- Extensive courier duties also required.

 RESPONSIBILITIES :

- The rest of your life.
- Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
- Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
- Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack muleand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
- Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers...
- Must screen phone calls, TV and Internet usage, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
- Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
- Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
- Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
- Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
- Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
- Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

 POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

 None.

- Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

 PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

- None required unfortunately.
- On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

 WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

- Get this!   You pay them!
- Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
- A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
- When you die, you give them whatever is left..
- The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

 BENEFITS :

- While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

 

And people continue to apply for the job!




gooolist
Posts: 1
Joined: 2010-08-29
Dad Points: 1
Awesome. That's really

Awesome. That's really humorous.



TopDog
Posts: 176
Joined: 2010-02-11
Dad Points: 188
Nice Work

Like the job description.  Parts of it can be used for a resume to go back to work.  Good work.



Philip.in.Kyle
Posts: 63
Joined: 2010-05-16
Dad Points: 99
more...

the only left to mention are the hours

as you will be expected to work from the time you wake up until you fall asleep and be on call for the other 4 hours per day



Hogan
Posts: 409
Joined: 2008-04-21
Dad Points: 720
Nice Job Eh!

I agree with Top Dog.  Some of what you listed could be used in a resume.

Honestly, I wasn't ready to be or wanted to be a dad.  My reason for becoming a dad had more to do with the fact that my wife, Tina, wanted to be a mom.  I was just along for the ride.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  In some sick way that turned out to be a good thing.  Eventually I fell in love with being a dad, especially an at-home dad.

Keep On Daddying

 



scott.carolan
scott.carolan's picture
Posts: 2
Joined: 2010-09-05
Dad Points: 2
All Strengths in My Book

This "job description" seeks the skills necessary for those with a high Emotional Quotent (EQ) versus many jobs who think they want an individual with a high IQ. I will list many of these "strengths" when I return to the job market. Since I'll be interviewing for a teaching position within the public school system, I bet I get the job since having these skills!



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