I'm working on a blog for Momaha.com on cussing. What are your guys' opinions about it? Have you ever sworn in front of your kids? Have you ever sworn at your kids?
I've done it all, but I don't do it often.
I wonder how it affects us and our kids. What do you guys think?
Al Watts, Vice-President, Daddyshome - The National At-Home Dad Network
Here's my story, sorry if it is a long one...
Once upon a time, we had two, 1-gallon jars for coins (one for silver, one for pennies) tucked away in our bedroom. My 1-year-old daughter found them and would push one over (with dad's help) to pour out and refill the jug.
One day, while dad was putting away the laundry, the little lady managed to pick the jug up and crack it against the other. This was a rough day: dad's got about 3 hours of sleep under his belt. Shattered glass and fun ensued. The dog heard the commotion and came ripping down the hallway. Luckly, I was about 3 feet away and managed to get her out of it, as only the bottom of one of the jars had shattered. No cuts, but shards were everywhere. Although she was out of the way, she REFUSED to let go of the bottle (fingers through the thumb hole at the top). By now, the 13-year-old, blind labradore has made it to the room and is not only at risk of stepping into the shards, but also risking a good bonk on the noggen.
I push the dog away with one foot and slip on the coins scattered on the floor with the other. I go down with an enraged shout of GOD D*** IT!
Guess what one of my daughters first phrases was?
Yep. She knew when to use it too. Any time she was frustrated, tired or did not want to be removed from whatever she was doing, she would shout that one out. Got the tone and volume right as a bonus...
It took both my wife and I three weeks, but she quit (the phrase of the day is "Oof-ta!"). However, that was enough for Cheryl and I to stop as well... at least in front of our daughter. I think the clincher was when we were at the local German Fest and she let it fly when she didn't want to sit down and eat.
In front of the mid-morning 'grandma / grandpa' crowd.
The end.
As you know, I live in Norway - I have been here for 11 years now and my Norwegian is really good. Many people can't tell that I'm not Norwegian... but that's because I've tried hard and practised and worked in environments where I had to speak Norwegian (since most Norwegians speak really good English, many foreigners don't really learn Norwegian very well - even after 30 years!).
Anyway, I always felt that one of the last and most difficult things to learn in a language is to use profanity appropriately and credibly; no one would take you seriously if you mispronounced your curse. I worked hard to be able to use Norwegian swear words properly and powerfully - and now I almost never swear in English any more because it is so much fun saying things that you would never say in English - Devil's Cock or Devil's Cunt, for example.
I like to think of swear words as cayenne pepper: a fantastic spice in small amounts. I don't have a problem with kids swearing, but the social aspect dictates that I mustn't let my son swear, so I'm going to do my best to stop talking about the devil's genitals.
Btw, here in Norway, they also use "shit" but it literally means "dirt" so it is a very mild curse, in wide usage; you can imagine my surprise when my first Norwegian girlfriend would often exclaim "shit" to my family in Canada...
I wonder what my son's first swear words will be... I don't think I ever heard my parents swear until I was a teenager (and then it was a surprising and powerful experience!). I can remember learning swear words from older kids (or friends who had older brothers) and repeating them under my breath and shouting them in the ravine to make them mine - so forbidden, so fun! I think I used the most profanity from the ages of about 11-14... then I started to hang out more with girls and it did't seem so appropriate to be so potty-mouthed :-)
Good luck on your article!
I struggle with it as well every day in regards to cursing. I have let out an "F" bomb once in a while or the "S" word as well. When the wife and I are in a heated argument or discussion it all flows so naturally. When I am home alone and do something like burn my fingers on something hot out of the microwave I do my best to remember that my twins are right there. I have gotten good at saying at that point, "Bugger Snots!!!!!!" Of course then I get the twenty questions routine from the twins on why I am saying bugger snots. It is hard when I know I have to be more selective in what I am shouting and I do slip. The worst is when the twins, especially my son start saying things like Bitch or I believe he has said shit once or twice. They are definitely parrots and repeat everything.
Robb Midwest Regional Coordinator Daddy's Home INC - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org
Well, someone has to teach them proper usage, right? I've only known a few women in my time that can swear gracefully. It usually sounds so 'forced'. Okay, kidding aside, I think it is just like any other behavior. You have to pick the right time to assign value to it. The topic is simply out of the cognitive range until a certain maturity is achieved, and then it becomes part of the fray. Like Robb, I try to use harmless words or phrases when I'm around the kids, such as 'fiddlesticks' or something like it. The bonus is that it usually gets some giggles from the kids, and this helps diffuse whatever set me off in the first place. Other times, I just blurt out some mild profanity and wait for my kids to repeat it. Never ceases to amaze me how accurately tone, diction and application flow from the mouths of babes when those words just shouldn't be coming from such a small child...
Jim - Boulder, CO - Dad to Cole, Luke, Trev & Delaney - Regional Coordinator, DaddysHome Inc.
I do it all the time. I swear in my blog (bigdaddypaul.com) and use profanity the way some people use formatting. I know when to swear and when swearing is probably a bad idea. My son is four and doesn't know when it's OK to swear. So, I am waiting to introduce him to the wonderful world of the F-bomb until he can figure out when it's acceptable to use. My $.2.
I feel about swearing around kids about the same as I feel about alcohol and kids. You don't want to get them hooked on the "fun" of shouting out curse words... but you also don't want to make it this "cool," forbidden thing that only grown-ups get to do, because then they'll want to do it WAY more than before, and you'll have an endless battle on your hands. Instead, moderation in all things. When they're ready to understand what those words really mean, then tell them about it, and let them use it in the same kinds of situations I would use it: sparingly, and only now and again at extreme moments.
Thanks guys for your input and candor. I have included a few of the comments in my blog at http://www.momaha.com/article/20100303/MOMS12/100309858/-1/moms#al-watts-curses. Please take a few minutes to read about the research I found on the subject and what some of the moms are saying about it.
I think Scotty G says it best that we don't want them to "get hooked on the 'fun' of shouting out curse words." Of course, that means I have to get into the habit of NOT using them.
Lord, help me now!
Al Watts, Vice-President, Daddyshome, Inc. - The Nationa At-Home Dad Network
I believe in responsible cussing and freedom of speech. Oh yeah, and responsible drinking. Okay, so you get rid of one word(s). A new generation will come out with a synonym. This "Cuss Free Week" project is another waste of time by educators. Kids will just use the words "Fudge you!" and we all know what it will mean. We took guns away from boys. And what do they do. Find a stick and use it as a gun and say "pow" or "bang." Use the time in school to teach reading, writing and arithmetic and Responsible Cussing. Stop asking teachers to be social workers. That is not what they were trained to do. I've also seen kids mouth the words "F--- Y-- while playing a sport. Are we gonna band mouthing the words too? I don't cuss that often but it sure feels good after I say it. I'm already going to hell for being an at-home dad so why should I worry about cussing? Quick story: Driving in car with Matt (8). Car in front of me cuts me off. Matt says, "Must be a f--k--g Chinaman" "Who did you learn that from?" "Papa Bill." Hogan Hilling, Board Member At-Large, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org
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