My wonderful husband is a SAHD to our three-year old. We haven't been intimate since our child was conceived. When I ask (not in a nagging, pressuring way), he tells me that being around our child all day shuts off his libido. Then he doesn't want to talk about it after that.
I was wondering if any other SAHDs feel the same way? I make sure to treat my husband like a man and always show my appreciation for all the things he does. I understand being around a toddler all day is not easy, so I take care of our child as soon as I get home from work and encourage my husband to go out and have some Daddy time.
But that hasn't helped. We've become roommates it's very frustrating and unfair.
Any input would be much appreciated.
medical help
He should discuss this with his doctor.
That's what
Weekend nights are for.
I can relate...
My wife and I had to adjust to my staying home. I also lost interest after both kids, but once the kids were old enough for a babysitter we took "us" time which helped get things back on track. Once I lost my job and was a full time dad, all I wanted from my wife once she was home was a break from the kids. I love my family, but taking care of our kids is my job...and it is 24/7. We both also go to school, so there's even less time for us, and more time I'm taking care of the children without a break.
We have worked around it by pretty much taking 1 night every couple of weeks for us. One week she gets a night, the next we have one together, the next is my "guy time" night, then the next is together. Then we repeat. It has really helped with my losing touch with reality, losing touch with being myself, and she also gets her breaks. Plus two nights a month it is like when we were dating. The fire is rekindled, and we have a great time.
I hope your situation improves.
I can also relate
my wife and i are in similar situation
and this site has given me much insight that i am not alone
and a place to relate
Doing the right thing
Was this a choice for your husband to be a SAHD? He could be (and is I'm sure) a great SAHD but might be missing the sastisfaction of belong to a group and having an identity outside the home. Try to get him involed in something without the kids. The best thing is that you have notice and are taking action. Good Luck.
He Could Be Depressed
My husband is also a stay at home Dad, and it wan't exactly something that we planned. He was working and making more $$$ than me, and suddenly he was laid off and there we were. I found employment equalling what he was making and he had no prospects. So, with the kids he stayed. He has very few friends that are fathers, and quite frankly we have little in common with our friends that have children outside of the fact that we have children and we are married. It can make for a rather redunant time of it that is filled with a rather isolating and draining task of giving everything to children all day. My husband has become rather fearful of repeating the breeding scenario that leaves him hime to raise children. We are on year four, and it has been incredibly stressful for him.
Your husband in the event that nither of you are "fixed" may be going through the depression often associated with making a sacrifice to child rearing and not want to "be" with you simply because he doesn't want to have any more children. I know that my husband and I have talked about this at length, and it is definitly not an enjoyable experience for all men to stay at home with children. for my husband it is an obligation to preserve the welfare of our children and reserve our resources for needs other than childcare that are the motivator. It is incredibly draining and frustrating for him, and he feels as though he has become a "non entity". Not to mention the fact that men are often more generous with their income than women. They allow women to spend money on chattles like candles, bath and body works, haircuts at the salon, housewares, new clothes and other such non essentials with the money that they make; whereas many women are rather selfish about $$$ and leave very little for the husband to use for "his" needs. This can be very straining on a relationship to deny a man his power in the house to make decision for the family and care for his needs. Especially for men that are accustomed to being the provider and derive their happiness from providing and "leading" the house. Taking $$$ from their wives may effect their self esteem since men are not wired to seek for approval from women. They aren't apt to get a thrill out of fixing up before we get home so that we will pounce them at the door, as often is the case when men work and women don't. Men don't de-stress by taking babies to the salon while they get a manicure, or off to the girlfriends house to let the babies play while they talk up the afternoon. It is often a lonely day at home for dad's with the only outlets being the computer and or occaisionaly the telephone. Perhaps a drive to McDonald's or to meet "mommy" for lunch. Visits and calls from in-laws are often laden with judgement or disappointment as they ask about the grandchild and disapprove of the way that you are going about things with him at home and you at work. Many men would rather just bale out because it all seems to be a big failure that they dodn't plan for and weren't equipped to handle.
There is hope....it starts with honesty, generosity and trust with the $$$ that you share, and participation. Women who complained that their husbands never helped around the house when they came home from work, now are often guilty of the same thing. A long day may mean that chores go without being done, but helping with the dishes and the laundry is definitly appreciated. Thanking him for hanging in there and being there with you is very important.
Be blessed and hang in there.....
Anna