Would it help if some of the children had shared rooms.  Make one an office that you can retreat to. Also,  people tend to have a lot of stuff, that they do not need. If it is not absolutely needed, then get rid of it. Too many toys,  games for the floor that you then have to pick up. If the young kids have too many toys, then get rid of half of them. You'll have fewer to pickup. Have the older kids start to take care of themselves while you supervise. Reduce, Reduce, Reduce.

Dude, you are so stressed your first post is all one sentence!

Take back some control.  Just a little bit at a time.  Start with you.

You've already taken the first step.  You signed on to this site.  Next find local dads who also stay home.  Get to know them.  Like almost everyone on this site, they get what you are going through, and can help.  Like Philip.in.Kyle said, make some time for you.  His description of a 'self-date' sounds spot on.  You can change the details to fit your preferences.  Then move on to the kids.  Take stock, and try to figure out when it is most advantageous to say no, but also when to say yes.  The older ones have friends from school that want play dates?  Say yes.  When little Joey's mom offers to take yours home for a few hours, and she'll even drive him (or her) back home, say YES!  This may sound counter-intuitive, but have those kids to your house.  They occupy your child (or children) without any needs from you, and it gives you a break.  Use nearby relatives or close friends to come over, or take some or all of the kids whenever possible.  Set new rules, they need to put away what they are using before they take out something else (2 y.o. kids can learn to do this).  Story time can be for all of them, you can get several books in at once, and they all sit there listening.  I guess what it boils down to is this, every step towards relieving your load, no matter how small, is helpful.  Grab it, make it part of your routine, then get the next thing.

Find a way to get to the convention in the fall.  I was at home for nearly four years before I found the convention and the associated networks of other at-home-dads.  I was on the brink of giving up, and now I have two more kids, I moved away from where I grew up, had lots of family and friends and still feel more capable than before that first convention.  My situation is just like yours, I have two in school and two still at home full time.  We are lucky enough that we have a nanny help me out in the afternoons.  You could find any trustworthy neighborhood kid to do the same for you.  Just someone to play with the kids in the afternoon (the hardest part of the day) does wonders for your mental state.

Hope this all helps.  Sorry, I ramble a bit...

Jim - Boulder, CO - Dad to Cole, Luke, Trev & Delaney - Regional Coordinator, DaddysHome Inc.

You've got it tough.   Try to find areas to make it easier on yourself.  Look for others to help out.  A local church to bring food?  Other ideas.  A food bank?  Have food delivered by your local supermarket?  Anything to help you.  Seems like you've got it under control, but you've got some years to get through.

Like you and Jim, I too have 4 kids with 2 in school and 2 little ones at home. I don't have the dogs, though, since I am quite allergic to them.

Boy do I feel your pain though. My most difficult time during my 7 years at home has been the last 2 years. Our last 2 are only 16 months apart while the older ones are all a little over 2 years apart. The short turn around for those last two meant that I had two babies at the same time; sort of like twins except the older one could get into stuff while I tried to feed the baby. At the time, our 2nd oldest was not in Kindergarten yet, but she was rarely any help since she was often making a mess somewhere too. Oh, and until recently, my wife travelled about 3 days a week so I almost never had a break.

A couple of the walls in our house took the brunt of my frustrations.

Now, here's what helped. First, I stayed connected with at-home dads on this site, attended the convention and went to playgroups here in Omaha with our local at-home dad group. Second, I begged my wife for help whenever she was home. Even though she was tired, she knew that she had to help; these are her kids too. And, I was tired too, so that excuse doesn't really work anyway. Third, I have had to learn to accept a certain amount of chaos. Certain areas of our house are littered with toys almost constantly. I pretend they aren't there. The noise level is astronomical some times, especially when friends are over. I turn a deaf ear to it. I look at the most important thing: are the kids occupied; are they happy; are they leaving me alone for a few minutes. If I can accomplish these three things, I consider it good.

Oh, and one final thing... you mentioned something about the neighbor kids not being a good influence so you don't allow your children to play with them. Obviously I don't know the situation, so keep that in mind with what I'm going to say. To get your sanity back, you may have to loosen the reigns on this one.

As parents, our job is to prepare our children to go out in to the world to be self-sufficient, successful adults. That means they will have to deal with all kinds of people and be able to make the right decisions on their own. Keeping them away from all negative influences is NOT always in their best interest. They have to learn how to deal with these situations and overcome them. Sometimes, these can be excellent teaching opportunities. Sometimes, your children will have to learn that if they do X with Johnny, they are going to get in trouble even if Johnny doesn't. And, if these kids are at your house, they have to follow your rules or they have to go home (I do that a lot).

So, I suggest to reach out for help from other at-home dads near you (they are out there; we can help you find them), accept some of the chaos and loosen the reins a bit. These are the things that helped me reduce the frustration.

Al Vice-President, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org

if i was to loosen the reigns and my kid went around any kids into sexual acts or physical harmful acts I would then become the bad guy in my wifes eyes as well as my in-laws plus i love my kids being home with me and would rather be overwhelmed then anything happen to my kids mentally or physicaly I have seen personally (my own experiances)what happens to kids that arent protected and would rather die then allow my children to go through what i had to as a kid i want them to stay innocent as long as possible! Yes i probably have way too high expectacions for them but i cant help it.

Hey, we all have our long list of issues and struggles.  And we all try to find the best way to deal with them.

Here is what worked for me.  I focused on what I could do to make being an at-home dad fun for me.  When I made it fun for me, being home made it fun for my kids and their friends.

A couple of examples (Reader's Digest version):

As I fed my infant son in his high chair, I'd have conversations with him.  I'd pretend I'm the waiter, ask him questions and then answer for him. At the end of the meal I'd ask if he wanted to pay with cash or credit card.  He, ahhh I mean I answered "credit card."  After I cleaned him up I placed the credit card on the tray and let him play with it.  Sometimes I'd even incorporate "Three Stooges" quotes into my conversations with him.  "Ohhh, wise guy eh!"  "The cheese dad. The cheese."  "Yuk, yuk, yuk."

When son got older I had a unique way of answering the front door after the bell rang.  I'd look out the window to see who it was.  If it was one of my son's friends I'd get down on my knees, open the door and greet him as if I were a dog.  I'd bark, pant and act friendly.

Okay, so the neighborhood kids thought I was a little nutty.  Who cares.  I was having fun.

Don't waste your time worrying about all the small stuff (aka crap).

Have FUN being an at-home dad.

Make your life easier, and save money.  Do your laundry during the day. Your wife can set it up, you and the kids run it. Then let it air dry outside.  Look at what you do at night and do them during the day.  Then late at night and very early in the morning can be yours. Watch some tv by yourself for a little bit.  You've got to rearrange your schedule to find some time for yourself. To chill out and relax. Maybe on the weekend you and your wife can figure out what the kids are going to wear, and then you execute it.  To make it easier on everybody, you've got to make it work like a team.