Allright : My opinion. I'm sure others wiil read it. Hope I don't get too much flack. I am once divorced after 11 years of marriage (2 years blissfull, 9 years of sexual hell. And mental hell.

Now happilly newlywed with a 2 month old diva.

Kevin, you said she loved you for the first two years. What about you has changed in the last 13?

Do you still have a 32" waist and a 007 physique You did when you met? Other women should be jealous of her for having such a hunk for a husband. It will refuel your sex life.

 Like women our first attraction is physical.

You can reclaim your body in 90 days.

Second attraction is emotional. Is your personality the same?

When you used to not fart in her presence, do you now? In other words what has changed about you that is not physical?

You had a job when you married. Now you don't. Does she resent that you are the primary care giver, and roles have switched?

Keep in mind women may say one thing but mean another.

 Her new friend wants a friend to party with. It's a shame that miserable people want to make others miserable so they can have a playmate. I have experienced this with my ex. I explained the motive and demanded she cut off all ties with that anti-family co-worker.

We still got divorced.

On that subject: Very selfishly now; Your life is about your happiness. If you are not happy- change it.

Try treating her like a princess. My wife loves it when I address her as "my queen" (Yes, my queen) Are you quite comfortable my queen? Can I get you something, my queen? Call me a puss, But I am her servant. It's a role play that we keep going. After all she provides for me and the family.

If you are not the married hunk on the block, Get some "perfect pushup" disk  and start jogging 3 miles 3 times a week.

If divorce is the answer, child support for three is gonna be expensive. You may need to share an apartment and better get a good job.

You'll need to be in shape to find the next wife. You'll be back in the market. And it for me it took 9 years of dates from hell, and always picking up the check (chivalry is not dead). Thank you e-harmony.

Good luck amigo.

Thanks for the advice on this as I really have been struggling with what to do and how to get past this and help move on to the future without losing my mind over it.  My wife has been working very hard and I totally appreciate the fact that she is supporting the family and helping us stay afloat while I am going to school.  Today we were supposed to take our kids to a local carnival so they could ride some of the rides and play games.  My wife decided to call her friend and see if she wanted to go along to the carnival.  She said yes and we agreed that her friend would hang out after and I would make dinner for everyone and we all hung out.  I thought this was cool as I dont mind having company over and this would be the first chance for me to meet this woman that is pretty much pushing my wife to divorce me.   Well she arrived and I came downstairs to let her in and she had her kids out on our back deck  just standing in the heat so I came up and told them they should come on in my wife would be down soon.   She tells me that she would rather stay outside.  My wife comes down 2 seconds later and they are in the house instantly.  I dont let this get to me much but then I see right before me the power this woman has over my wife.  We were supposed to be going to this carnival with the family and what ended up happening is my wife got mad at me for no reason and started saying how I always do this and that and ragging on me for nothing.  This really set me off as I ended up staying home alone while my wife and her friend enjoyed time together.  As mad as I was I decided to let it go and try to be the better man about this whole situation and made the best of the rest of the day.  It really hurts to see my wife actually chose a friend over her husband and family life.  I made it known to her that what she did made me extremely angry.  This just shows me how my wife is so set on making sure that her friends like her that she would pretty much run me over with a bus if it meant they would like her.  This actually in a way doesnt make me as mad as it does sad because I know that my wife has always strived to be accepted and is still doing it.  I just hope that I can manage to get it to her that our family is the most important thing.  I have been there through it all and havent left her side yet, and her friends will soon fade out.  If she really thinks that single life with 3 kids is going to make her happy again...good luck to her.

I am not a hunk in any way but have used this to motivate me to try and make the best of it and am working very hard to improve myself as I need to be ready in case the worst happens.  This whole thing has put me in a mental state that I have never been before and I find myself pretty much overthinking every thing I do.

I have been trying to be the perfect husband to her, as I have through the whole marriage, but she doesn't really see it.  A prime example would be the other night.  My parents decided to take the kids overnight so I would have a break.  She worked late that night so I thought I would do something nice and buy her some flowers and put them on her nightstand so she would see them and be happy.  She saw them and said what is this all about?  I told her I just did it to brighten her day and she pretty much insinuated that i did it for sex.  This is the kind of thing that gets me.  I am only looking for the smallest of gestures.  A simple thank you or a kiss saying she loved the flowers would be nice.  I have yet to get any of that.  I know I sound like a giant pussy about this but I think the free time at home is really messing with my head.

Well i have talked to much already, again thanks for your advice and I will keep fighting the good fight...

Kevin

Considering the situation, and not knowing where this will go, this will be your best option. Use the time she takes the kids to actively look for work.

It's going to be separation, or divorce.  Appears to be the direction this is going. She's going to have a choice.  Give up her "friends" at work, continue working there, or your relationship is not going to work out.  Life is about choices that we make. Decisions. In the end, your going to have to force the issue. Maybe you can go visit a brother, sister, or your parents. Preferably in another state. Stay for like a month.

I have been working on the family vacation thing for a while now and hopefully it will turn out because I really think we need to get away from it all.  The only thing is that money is tight and we need to plan around that for any vacation we do.  I mentioned a trip with just her and I at the end of summer and she seems to like the idea but I guess that will depend on some different things.  She has a real itch to go on a big vacation because in april I was a good husband and took care of the kids for a week by myself as she went to mexico on vacation with her mom.  I was happy to let her go because she had worked almost 30 days straight to help our family get by.  This was a way of me appreciating what she has done for the family   We originally were talking about trying to go on a nice vacation in february and renewing our vows...that was before this all happened.  As I had said before, I am going to make sure that I do everything in my power to be the best husband I think I can be but can only do so much.  If things don't improve a bit in the future I may have to make a decision to move out and let her realize how it will be when I am gone.  I think she has this pipe dream that things are going to be so good when we arent together but what she doesnt realize is that without me here she will have to make a lot more arrangements for the kids as I will not be here every day to watch them.

If things get to the point of us fighting all the time my decision will be made for me.  I will not allow my kids to go through that but as of now we aren't actually going at each other like that.  I will keep you updated!! Thanks for the advice.