Hello, fellow pops. So last year, after months of cooperation and exasperation, CPS realized my fiancee and I are good parents and accordingly offered to pay our daycare expenses for a half year. To our chagrin, the organization that got us assistance before the CPS debacle has a waiting list we should have gotten on many months ago to receive that assistance again. Guess who holds the responsibility for informing the parents about that slight technicality? CPS of course. One of many balls they dropped then popped. In hindsight I realize I should have had more foresight, but isn't that always how it goes? Anyway because of all of this, if we were to keep our daughters in daycare (at full price, which is nearly exactly what my current job brings in), I'd be working for the cost of fragmenting my family, nothing more. Pretty raw deal, if you ask me. We love the ladies at daycare, but since I've worked nights for almost three years, I've spent very little time with my girls (4 and 1) so am very much looking forward to having more of a part in their lives. To be blunt however, I am absolutely terrified. Not only will I now be beholden to my wife as sole bread winner (male ego screaming with bitter acceptance of impending obsolescence), but I feel that soon I will be overwhelmed with the responsibility of teaching, building routine, keeping them socially active, et cetera. My current job is a piece of cake. I know this will be the most labor intensive work I've ever done, but I also know how potentially rewarding it could be. I'm nervous but I'm willing. I just don't freaking know where to start. Well, I've begun by writing a polite letter of resignation, but other than that I'm clueless.
Here it goes...
So, do not worry, or fret. You will be alright. You've got a year, or so, until the 4 year old is in kindergarden, so start the planning. Bus? Which school? When do we signup? After that, you'll have one for nine months, then both for the summer. Piece of Cake: Chocolate? Vanilla? Strawberry?
Those are the two key things. Have enough of what you need. And, get out of the house and on the stroller. You can get a stroller where the four year old can stand/sit. Then, go to the park. Look for other stay at home dads. Grandparents. Have some fun. Library read alongs. Summer programs.
In your paying job I am sure that you went to training sessions and maybe even paid for magazines or professional seminars. Well, in the at-home dad world, we are lucky to have something similar in the Annual At-Home Dad's Convention. If you can find the cash (and if you can't there is a scholarship available that can help) you should make a serious effort to attend. The comradarie and educational sessions and learning from veteran at-home dads (some of 10-20 year experience) will be the best investment you can make in your new "career." Attending the convention has been one of the most important things I ever have done in my 7 years as an at-home dad. I hope you will seriously consider it.
Visit www.athomedadconvention.com for more details! Hope to see you in Omaha, NE on Oct. 2!
Al Vice-President, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org
You are not nor will you be beholden to the Mrs. Neither of you should be beholden to anyone but God. I know the feeling though. I quit a pretty good job/career that paid pretty good to stay at home with our Triplets. I haven't regretted it yet, two years and still trucking. The main thing that keeps us grounded is respect. We respect each other. For it to work well you have to want to do it. If you stay at home because you "have to" it will not go well for anyone. The good times get me through the tough times. A few things that I have realized that help:
- When I worked I could not throw in a cartoon to get a break.
- Kids think cleaning, dusting and many other chores are "fun" when they are young.
- Talk to them like adults, they are smarter than us.
- You gotta be the bad guy sometimes.
- It is OK if they pitch a fit in public. I laugh, it helps a lot.
- Let them make decisions, you just decide what they choose from.
- Sometimes their punishment punishes you as well.
- DO NOT lie to them. If you say something will happen if they make a bad choice, it happens. Even if that means you leave a full grocery cart in the store and take them home.
- Make them come to you. If you chase them, they win. This does not apply in life or death situations:) If/when one of mine gets an "upgrade" (spanking) they must first come to me, put both their hands in my hand, look me in the eye and keep their feet on the ground. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime:)
- They are not bad kids, they just make bad choices. We all do! Heck, I let them send me to time out.
- and lastly.... if you think your life is tough, just watch the news. Someone has it MUCH worse.
Keep the faith,
Al
He'll see you through it. Grace is the #1 tool for any SAHD. Grace for the kid (s), Grace for the wife and yes, Grace for yourself. Sure you'll screw up but we all do. Ask for forgiveness, learn from your mistakes, give yourself Grace and move on. Don't dwell.
Keep the faith,
Al
Joined: 2010-06-29
Dad Points: 12