The Pros and Cons of Being a Stay-at-home DadShould I Stay or Should I Go?

By I.J. Schecter

Your child reaching up to hand you a toy is pure magic. Then again, being taken out to lunch by the boss feels pretty good too. Not sure whether the stay-at-home role is for you? Here are some arguments on both sides to help you decide.

The Pros

· You're your own boss. Kind of. You do report directly to someone, but that someone is the child who lights up your soul just by grinning.

· You'll witness the big moments. Though there will be numerous milestones to celebrate throughout your child's lifetime, those early feats do hold a special power. Las Vegas resident Chad Hyams and stay-at-home dad to daughter Simone says, "I love being there for every new discovery, as opposed to hearing other parents speak about them."

· You'll ease the pressure on your other half. Being home helps take the pressure off Mom, allowing her to continue the career at a critical juncture, finish recuperating after pregnancy or unfreeze her gym membership.

· You'll become your child's best friend. Getting to know your child as a person with habits and preferences carries with it a uniqueness of its own. "Simone and I have formed a wonderful bond that I wouldn't trade for anything," says Hyams.

· Guilt-free guy time. Being home with your child during the day means not feeling guilty about playing sports evenings, researching your fantasy baseball pool or attending the annual Super Bowl party.

The Cons

· Shrinking vocabulary syndrome. Spending every day with an infant may eventually cause you to want to get back into the real world. Toronto dad Steve Bleiwas, who took time off to stay home with his son Justin, says, "When you realize you are speaking in baby talk and humming Barney tunes, you start to crave adult interaction."

· There's no formal reward-and-recognition program. Not that your child doesn't make you feel like a million bucks just by reaching out for a hug, but you might also come to miss the professional gratification of hearing words like, "Terrific job on that report."

· Personal time? What personal time? "It can really get to you, not to be able to even go to the bathroom by yourself," says Bleiwas. "You realize how precious five minutes alone really is when you can't get it."

· The separation anxiety can be big. And bad. Staying at home with your child now means it will be harder to separate if you do decide to return to the regular grind. "I recently went on a business trip and Simone looked out the window and started to cry, knowing I was leaving her," says Hyams. "Days later I still can't get over the look in her eyes."

· You're going to be tired – and not the that-was-a-great-workout kind of tired. No matter how hard you think infant care is, it's harder. As former stay-at-home dad Mark Brender says, "I have the utmost appreciation for anyone who can take care of kids full time. It's so easy to get worn down."

Tips for Stay-at-Home Dads

If you do decide to assume the role, here are a few things to keep in mind:

· Get out there. "Stay-at-home" isn't meant to be taken literally. Scheduling activities during the week to break up the routine of play, feedings and naps will prove mentally and physically healthy for you in the long run.

· Don't try to be Superman. Moms who try to do it all experience undue stress, fatigue or resentment. Do yourself, and your child, a favor by procuring the occasional bit of assistance. It's often the promise of an occasional break, rather than the length of that break, that helps the most.

· Don't hog the glory. With being primary caregiver comes the pleasure of observing changes, reporting hilarious moments and gushing about your growing connection to the baby. Reassuring though your closeness with the baby is for your partner, that doesn't mean she won't feel some jealousy. Encourage her to have her own time with the baby, and remind her how much your child anticipates her arrival at the end of the day.

· Refer to toys more than balls. Because you're male, there is one particular behavior pattern to watch out for. The first time your little one grips a ball and tentatively hands it back, you nearly die with joy. Though you've told yourself you don't care whether he or she likes sports, before you know it, you've swept aside the floor gym and starter piano. Remind yourself that it's critical your child benefits from the enormous variety of toys and activities currently available, which stimulate different parts of his or her brain. Plus, you won't have to explain to your wife why her son or daughter ignores every other toy in the room to play with the Nerf soccer ball.

· Take your role seriously. "It's a job," says Brender. It demands study, concentration and the commitment to put into practice the lessons of those who have gone before you. Your baby is your own little project – and the most important one you'll ever be assigned.