Hi. We're going to our first couples counseling session tomorrow and I'll admit that I'm a bit nervous. I'm not sure what to expect or what to hope for aside from having a third party to maybe give us some insight where there may not have been any before, no matter how intelligent we believe we seem to be. When I tell Cindy that I simply don't want more kids just because I don't, she counteracts that with "so just because you don't want more kids simply because that's your preference means that I have to be unfulfilled for the rest of my life." she's still equating 6 or 8 months of the baby phase and me not liking that with her not liking to spend 6 or 8 months of her extra money for a studio for me and she sees those two sacrifices as the same, when in fact, a fact that she refuses to see, based on all of our conversations, the two are very very different. It's actually more than just a preference for me. I don't want the responsibility of a life completely dependent on me and at least I'm honest enough to admit that. I don't want to raise a child out of obligation. I get annoyed when she cries, not the genuine I'm hurting cry but the I'm tired cries, etc. I don't enjoy talking to her or still don't like holding her that much. I guess my question is for those of you who struggle with the to have or not have more children. Maybe I'm more selfish than either of us first thought, I don't know, but is not wanting more kids just because I don't want them a valid reason? I always feel that I have to justify or rationalize these sorts of things with Cindy, and sure, I'm the more emotional one and can accept the reality that a preference is simply a preference without going into a whole litany on why it's so. With this issue, she can't seem to do that. And in terms of counseling, when she asked the "what do you hope to get out of it" she was going on the premise that the counselor is going to approach our relationship the same way he would approach every other relationship, even though we do have a bit of a different setup and as a result of that, he'll say do this, do that, pat us on our head and send us on our merry way. So that's where we are now. Any more thoughts or feedback would be helpful. Thanks for reading. Scott
our ongoing discussion
We had to reschedule the counseling for Saturday so here's what has transpired for those who are interested. We were talking more and she's got this idea that I'm grabbing at straws as justifications for leaving. I told her that I didn't like that I didn't have any real viable transportation out here and that I still don't want anymore kids. She's reluctant to go to counseling because she doesn't like surprises and she thinks that she might find out something she didn't previously know. She says "if you leave you'll have to get a job anyway so why not just get one here?" I told her that I felt like she was trying to talk me into accepting her position and she told me that she wasn't doing that at all. I know the last two times I said I was going to leave,it got to be around a day before I left and I changed my mind about leaving. She said that we can move to Denton, put Matt in a different school just so I can have my bus that she doesn't think I'll use that much anyway. She feels that I have this fantasy life that I want to pursue that's better than what I have here. We made an agreement that I'd watch Leah while she was working and I asked her how she thought that was going and she said it was working out for her. She tells me that I don't have to accept the next kid or do anything I'm not comfortable but that I did, over time, accept Matt, her first one. I told her that I don't like holding the baby, don't enjoy talking to her or anything like that and She said "Okay, so you have 18 months of life where you feel that things suck but living alone on disability because you won't have a job at first is going to suck a lot more." My guess is that finding a job in the current economy is going to be difficult anyway.
Joined: 2010-05-11
Dad Points: 35