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New At Home Dad looking for others similar to me.....with a "What am I doing???" feeling

Matthew_Maxine
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Posts: 2
 Joined: 2010-08-18
 Dad Points: 6

To start, my name is Matthew. My wife and I met at work 11 years ago - we worked together and lived together - that was our life ever since, until Maxine has wonderfully helped us change that.  Our 1st child, born 2/28/2010 - Maxine, our daughter. I'm 38 and live in the suburbs of Chicago (near O'Hare Airport). Oh, and I am a die hard Van Halen fan...which wont make sense unless you are one too, but I just thought I would throw that out there.

How did this happen? Me staying home and not working???

While we had originally planned on my wife's mother to come stay with us after her initial materinty leave, those plans fell apart (her mother lives in Poland) and this left us with a choice: Daycare for our newborn or one of us take the plunge, quit our job, and stay home with Maxine at least until she can at least talk. We felt strongly about not wanting daycare for our newborn - and after figuring the cost (my salary would have been all to the daycare) and future earnings potential, advancement, and job security, it was down to me to be the parent to stay home. While my wife does not make a lot of money (and she made more than me), she worked hard to get to her position and build her career. My job in the Coporate Housing industry doing inside sales was not paying well and extremely stressful. I originally had 3 months FMLA taken while we waited to see if my wife's mother would still come to help, but it didnt work out that way. Between us two, it was just the right thing for me to quit and stay home with Maxine.

So what AM I doing?

So now I am home, and I take care of Maxine while my wife works. She is a General Manager of a hotel and her hours are not exactly 9-5. She can leave at 6am and not come home until after 10pm. Weekends she usually ends up having to go into work at least a few hours.

While I have family locally, they are not able to assist me for a variety of reasons. I'm basically alone. I don't have any close friends. I do not have any male friends or any male bonding for the longest time. (And I come from a family of 5 boys... so it is strange how things worked out in my life).

So I'm just using a few free moments of my day to check out other At Home dads - maybe just to find someone similar and just chat with - exchange advice - shoulder to lean on kind of thing.

Ok gotta go...baby crying.... Thanks for reading. :)

 

 

 

 

 


‹ Hello and refusal to be sahd Hello, from a new member ›

Submitted by Matthew_Maxine on Wed, 08/18/2010 - 11:58am.

omahahomedad
omahahomedad's picture
Posts: 323
 Joined: 2008-08-18
 Dad Points: 621
Come to the Convention

Consider coming to the 15th Annual At-Home Dad's Convention in Omaha Oct. 2, 2010. You will discover you are not alone. You may meet another at-home dad who lives near you (which is how our local group got started believe it or not). You will meet a lot of great guys from all over the country. You will get to hang out with a bunch of guys who have made the same commitment to their family as you and get to drink a beer and talk about football or Van Halen so much you'll go hoarse.

Oh, and you'll learn a lot about parenting too.

It is a great experience that you cannot afford to miss. Check out www.athomedadconvention.com for more info and get registered!

Al Vice-President, Daddyshome, Inc. - The National At-Home Dad Network www.daddyshome.org

p.s. Hagar or Roth?


Wed, 08/18/2010 - 1:14pm

Matthew_Maxine
Matthew_Maxine's picture
Posts: 2
 Joined: 2010-08-18
 Dad Points: 6
Both

I will take either - but the classic will always be early Roth fronted VH.

Ok - thank you for the info. I would not be able to make the close trip to Omaha - but I appreciate the info and the welcome!


Wed, 08/18/2010 - 1:19pm

Hogan
Posts: 409
 Joined: 2008-04-21
 Dad Points: 720
Suggestion for Convention

Have your wife take two vacation days Friday and Monday.  She can use the four day weekend for time alone to bond with the baby and you can use some reasonable alone and well deserved time with other at home dads.  It benefits both of you.  During this time your wife will also get a taste of what you're dealing with as an at-home parent.  It may inspire her to help you create a support team with neighbors, new friends etc... for you.  And you will get reenergized at the convention and return home a better man, husband and father.  I'll even donate two of my books to you and buy you a beer.  Trust me on this one.  20 year at-home dad vet.  Hope to see you there!


Sat, 08/21/2010 - 5:02pm

StayAtHomeTripletDad
StayAtHomeTripletDad's picture
Posts: 124
 Joined: 2010-06-19
 Dad Points: 169
In a similar boat

My wife also works long hours but not as long as the hospitality industry.  I try to take the kids by her work for lunch/dinner periodically if she is up for it.  It gives her a chance to show them off and have some time with them.  It also helps to alleviate her guilt of being the one working.  We also sometimes meet her out at the mall for lunch or a local garden for a picnic.

For some "me time" I joined the YMCA and utilize their child watch area.  It is free here and the ladies are great!  Bring them some free wipes/diapers now and then and they will LOVE you and your kid:)  They also have a "drop and go" option that costs some money but is useful for getting stuff done.  I even met another AHD at the Y.

Lastly I put my Triplets in a "Mothers Day Out" program two days a week (now they must go three days a week after three years of age) from 9am - 2:30 pm.  One day I did yard work and the other I did the house work.  I got all the house and yard stuff done M-F so weekends were just for the family, if the wife didn't work:)  Check the local library for "mommy and me" story times.  My wife sometimes met us there too.  Having one child you can put her in a backpack and go on hikes and all kinds of cool stuff.

My guy time also comes from our Church and the small group from our church that gets together Sunday nights.  We do "guys nights out" and periodically go to the $1 movie that starts at 9:30pm so the wife doesn't have to pull any more weight as I leave after they go to bed.

Have fun!!

Al


Mon, 08/23/2010 - 10:45am

JohnGilroy
Posts: 418
 Joined: 2007-04-26
 Dad Points: 670
Chicago Dads

Consider checking out the chicagodads group - there is a weekly playdate, a monthly DNO and a welcoming group of guys.

http://www.athomedad.org/groups/chicagodads

http://www.athomedad.org/node/4929

It can be tough with an infant but the best thing for both of you is just to turn off the computer and get out of the house. Look for park district events, classes, playgroups, whatever so you are out and about having fun and socializing with other adults and kids.

 


Mon, 08/23/2010 - 11:45pm

alan68
Posts: 39
 Joined: 2008-07-17
 Dad Points: 39
Exercise!

I've given this advice before, and here it is again:  Try to get at least a little exercise each day.  When I became a full-time SAHD, I made the mistake of allowing my level of daily activity to decrease without decreasing my daily intake of food.  Before I knew it, I really was as fat as all the mean kids used to tell me I was back in school!

So I started taking Jacqueline for walks around the neighborhood in her stroller once a day.  It was a start, but not nearly good enough.  Thankfully, a fitness center opened earlier this year, within literal walking distance of my house.  For a small extra fee, they will watch my child (childREN in the summer) while I work out.  I'm still not Jean Claude Van Damme, but I am keepng moving and having fun.

If you're like me, watching what you eat is easier said than done, but a good start is to make time for at least some exercise every day.  Just my $0.02

So why don't they call it mooching when the wife stays home?


Sat, 09/18/2010 - 2:14pm

denverdads.net
denverdads.net's picture
Posts: 37
 Joined: 2010-08-30
 Dad Points: 110
Being a SAHD is definitely

Being a SAHD is definitely one of the hardest things to do when you're new to it.  We have all experienced this, and I'm sure we are all very much alike in this regard.  Once we all begin to understand our roles within our households, it becomes so much clearer how truly important our parenting is.  I didn't plan on doing this, but with the economy the way it is - that's what happened.  Putting my wife through nursing school was the best thing I ever did!

Once I decided to think of my SAHD'ness as a *choice* rather than a situation that we were forced into, my entire outlook changed.  Yes, I still job search - but there's a sense of peace about it now that wasn't there before.  We dads are fortunate.  We get to watch our children grow.  This time will never, ever come again.

Cheers Dads!


Sat, 09/18/2010 - 5:04pm

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