6.15.13 (32)

The world according to a 2-year-old is a pretty amazing place. I firmly believe that we are born with knowledge that somewhere along the line we forget. It serves us well for a few years, and then drifts away. Or maybe it is beaten out of us by cruel adult conformity.

Either way, toddlers possess some amazing knowledge. It is FUN to see this knowledge acted on, but only if you’re the one cleaning the kitchen instead of issuing the bath.

Here is a list of secrets only toddlers know, for the benefit of parents everywhere:

  1. Pizza sauce makes for good styling gel—To an adult this may sound disgusting. But how else do you explain how so much red food ends up in your toddler’s hair? It takes a concerted effort to put it there.
  2. Similarly, forks and combs can be used interchangeably— Pizza in the hair tastes better than pizza in the mouth. OK, so I’ve never seen my son eat off a comb, but there is a first time for everything.
  3. Bathwater tastes better than bottled—Why else would toddlers be so adamant about drinking the water splashed over their heads, or worse, the water used to clean their bottoms? There are no logical explanations for how this water can taste so good.
  4. Hair washing is more painful than a root canal—This may only be because my son has never had a root canal. But it’s the impression I receive from the correlating screams.
  5. Yes means no, and no means keep asking – Any time we ask our son a question that involves a decision on his part, he vocally changes his mind at least once. When you tell him no, he persists, only louder. As if me not hearing him was the issue in the first place.
  6. Sharing does not mean caring, it just means you have less stuff— “Sharing is caring” is a piece of adult propaganda designed to keep toddlers in line. No one knows this better than my son. Why else does he need to yell “Jamie’s! Jamie’s!” every time we go to put his toys away? Seriously, I’m not even trying to have fun with your toys (most of the time). I’m just putting them where they belong. It’s about knowing how to clean with toddlers present. Speaking of putting toys away…
  7. Toys are generally happier on the floor, all spread out—My guess is toddlers are immune to the pain of stepping on a Lego in the middle of the night. If they’re not immune to it, they’re more willing to consider it par for the course.

OK, so I know I must have missed about a gazillion toddler truths. Add any truths you have discovered in the comments!