I was going to come on here in my normal Thursday column and drop bombs of knowledge. I was going to write something witty and thought provoking. I was going to start some insane discussion amoung our SAHD population that surely the New York Times would want to read it and pay me lots of money to be funny once a month. Currently, Al pays me in new pillows once a year for what I do here at Daddyshome. My article was going to be so good that chicks would send me underwear in the mail. I was going to rant, rave and perhaps even cuss a little bit. Really get the fire going.
Then I realized that no one would read it.
Why? Because it’s March Madness.
All the funny has left me. I have no more witty observations. I have no more indepth intellectual chanllenges on the mind. There’s no more room in the head for discussions on proper playgroup etiquete or what’s the best way to calm a crying child. There’s no need to discuss issues such as child nutrition or how to discuss learning strategies with your child’s teacher. I can’t write about any of that because this day of the year, no one will read it. It will get filed away as one of our most unpopular blogs. I will be shamed and no panties will be mailed to me.
But writing something about Bracetology? That’s gold baby.
And let’s be honest, today of all days, this is what we want to talk about. The SAHD gig can be pretty sweet at times. We get to go play at parks, make friendship bracelets with our daughters and teach our sons the proper way to sword fight nasty space pirates. But this day marks one of the true great bonuses of being a SAHD. While everyone is working away, checking computers, listening discreetly to headphones in the office–the SAHD will be rocking the first round of the tournement. Where are the kids? The kids are watching an unending loop of Bubble Guppies. Judge me, I don’t care. I don’t care because I’ve got beer, nachos and the tournement. It’s only noon.
So let’s start off by giving a sincere “aw, that’s to bad” to all of our Colorado dads out there who by now are sure they got screwed by not making the tourney. We feel your pain brothers. Try to lay off the sauce boys, it’s going to be a long NIT tournement and we wish you the best of luck in the losers bracket.
March Madness also offers prime time to do some trash talk and I do love my trash talk.
On the other hand, congrats to some of our New York State Dads, Syracuse is once again in the tournement and the word on the web is that they have a chance to play spoiler. I hope your heart doesn’t break when they lose to Indiana St. If it’s any help, I picked them to lose to Ohio St. in the KCDADS bracket pool this year.
I like playing in the KCDADS bracket pool though. There is always one guarentee that you can count on in the “dadternity” that is the KCDADS. 99% of those goof balls will pick Kansas or Kansas St. to win it all. It really cuts down on the competition. Last year I won the hole thing even though I picked the fewest correct games of the whole pool. But I did pick the winner, Duke, while everyone else picked Kansas. See, it’s easy. Kansas chokes most of the time in the tourney. Just pick someone who doesn’t and bam, bragging rights for the year. We actually have a guy this year that somehow put Kansas and Kansas St. in the final 4. Like taking candy from a baby.
But let’s not leave anyone out. To our Wisconsin Dad’s out there, well, it may be a rough tourney this year. Everyone in KCDADS is pretty sure Kansas St. is going to make them cry all the way back to the cheese factory to discuss collective bargaining. Sure, we all think you have a “shot” at doing some damage. And by that I mean that we think you have no shot at all and we are really just being polite.
We need now to talk to our West Coast dads. You guys typically get overlooked with all the free love that you spread around. Let’s be honest, the rest of the country doesn’t take you seriously in hemp sandles. First, get a haircut and lay off the Prius. Next, you guys out that way actually have a great shot this year. Even I picked San Diego St to go to the Final 4 this year. Not because I have actually seen them play mind you. But I watched a documentary on the Fab Five this week and I liked that coach alot. Then I heard he’s at San Diego St and I said to myself “Self, wouldn’t that be cool if they made it that far.” So I picked them to beat out Duke. Much love to them unless of course they screw me and therefore I will hate all of California and your stupid sunshine and no snow. But I am looking forward to the UCLA vs. Florida matchup that’s bound to happen. I picked Florida to beat UCLA. I had to becasue two Cali teams can’t make it all the way to the final four. That kind of stuff only happens in Hollywood.
To our D.C. Dads who surely must be rooting for Georgetown. I would like to join you in your quest for greatness and give you all kinds of praise and adulation. But then I remember that you guys elected a crack head mayor. Twice.
And what about our Southern Dad’s, surely they are out there and reading this. Are they going to get any love in this little trash talking tirade of mine? Nope. Because I see an oddly lacking number of canidates from the deep south in this years pool. No LSU, no Alabama. Sure, there’s Clemson and Georgia. But you know, they don’t really warrant conversation at this point. (That’s called the “brushoff” and is highly insulting).
Now please don’t confuse Texas with the deep south. We’re not. Texas is it’s own country and therefore, better than the rest of you. Surely either the Longhorns or the Aggies will make it to the final 4. God loves them best.
The great thing about this time of year though is that right now the internet is filled with enough trash talk to make politics look civil. And that’s the way it should be. Just because we are stay at home dads does not mean we have forgotten to do the same thing. Everyone roots for someone. Everyone believes that thier team can make it if they just play hard enough. And everyone has that one team that they just have to believe in. Except the Omaha Dads. They have corn.
Now I do believe I have upset just about every single reader of this blog, which is what I was going for. Because now I would like to announce the first annual stay at home dad Bracket Challenge. Click on the link and get your picks in. The winner gets a short blog of me talking about how great your team is and how much I suck. Click on the this link and enter the password: sahd
Make your picks boys, it’s going to be fun!