So you didn’t get a chance to make it to the 15th annual SAHD convention?  No problem.  I got you covered.

This is what I leared at the 15th Annual SAHD Convention:

That to parent effectively, I have to keep the situaiton from escalating above my “emotional” line.

That if you open a bar tab, your friends will find out about it and put their drinks on it, too.  Then they will call your wife and tell her about the great prank that they just pulled.  I now have to sell my Xbox.  Thanks guys.

That drunk dialing your buddy’s wives in vengence for the above prank at midnight doesn’t work out as well as you would think it would.

That having a “yuk” list is a good idea to empower your children during dinner time.

That 8 Crown Royal and Cokes vs. Fancy Beer is not a fair contest.

That using “product” is essential in combing  a little girls hair if you want to keep her from running away from you in the future and calling child services on you.

That two grown men can  go down a slide at the same time if one sits in the other’s lap.

That children want attention, sometimes even if it’s negative.

That you should never open a package that came from the front desk in front of a group of people you don’t know because it may contain a book called “Miss Vera’s Guide To Becoming A Transvestite” that your buddy’s thought would be funny as hell to send to you.  Again, thank you fellas.

That there is somewhere between 158,000 and 3 million stay at home dads in the country.  I’m glad we could go ahead and nail that one down.

That Omaha, Nebraska serves the best milkshakes.  Ever.

That we shold be partners with our children’s teachers and not their adversairies.

That I can pluck a CD case out of the air after it’s been thrown at Mach 3 at my head and still have the presence of mind to come up with a witty one-liner.  I am an action hero.

That everyone deserves a door prize.

That you should never argue with the driver of a minivan who has access to the window locks when there are 6 guys driving cross country after a night of heavy drinking.  Trust me, the driver always wins the arguements.

That chicks dig the SAHD.

That talking about potty training with other Dads can still morph into a discussion about sports.

That my wife may get tired of the phrase “That’s not how Daddy does it.” after I’ve been gone for 2 days.

That the one guy that roots for Iowa State. will find you and brag about hanging 52 points on your beloved Red Raiders even if he has to mow over a bunch of orphans to do it.

That the loud  knocking at 2 am  does not signify an emergency but is an indication that your new-found friends closed down the bar.

That everyone wants to hang out with Liam so that they can go home and tell thier wife “Oh man, there was this one guy……..”

That drunk texting the one guy in your group that coluldn’t go is still very childish but still very awesome.

That I want to be an All Pro Dad.

That drink coupons is the dude way of saying “I love you.”

That the next SAHD convention is on October 8, 2011 in Washington D.C.

That I miss my wife and kids and I’m a better father for going.